Ha! Fooled You!
No, we are not talking about Regency Brass Faucet Collectibles. We are not talking about brass faucet collectibles of any sort whatsoever. I lied to you, if you can ever forgive me. No, today we continue with Your Humble Scribe's visit to BOVINGTON TANK MUSEUM, which you got a taste of yesteryon. If you're not interested then you'd better sit this Intro out
So! The Saturday of September 20th is Tiger Day. Not because the venue also doubles as a zoo, but because of their Tiger tank, which is the only one still running in the whole world. Art!
Here are a few of the 4,000 attendees at 09:00 on a cloudy and overcast morning. During the day we heard German, Polish, Spanish and Korean being spoken by visitors, so quite the cosmopolitan event.
"I wonder if Al Murray will be here?" mused Conrad idly to the others in our party, for he is into military history and has done vlogs from or about the museum on Youtube. Art!
Five minutes later there he was, leaning on a tank and doing a piece to the camera, which is either serendipity or synchronicity. Art!
This is a Comet, one of a series of tanks parked on the apron outside the Vehicle Conservation Centre, a gigantic warehouse. We shall come back to this vehicle as they have more than one in stock, as you might say. Art!
For future reference, I have deliberately taken photos with people in frame, so you can appreciate the size of these metal monsters. This particular one is the Deadliest Shed On Tracks, otherwise known as the FV4005. It was a child of the Fifties, intended to house a 7.2 PROUD IMPERIAL INCHES (or 183 mm) gun that would mallet Soviet heavy tanks of the period. The shells were so large they came in two parts, shell and charge, and needed a loader each for them, who were stood up, hence the shed design. Art!
I bet you made the same mistake I did. No, it's not a Cromwell, it's a 'Centaur', the difference between is a lot like that scene in 'Red Dwarf' where Rimmer is changing the corridor paint scheme from 'Ocean Grey' to 'Battleship Grey'. The difference here is a different engine, not visible to the naked eye. Art!
Fury again, absent Al. That's all.
Only jesting. This is how a real tank in action looked, covered with clutter and loot, rather then the next one - Art!
This is a Grant, the British version of the South Canadian original, which had a neat little machine-gun cupola. However - first use of that word today - it was already a tank with a very high profile, thanks to having the main gun in a side sponson, and we British, canny in the ways of tank warfare, wanted to reduce the height, so off the cupola came. We also removed the twin fixed machine guns in the front hull, which were totally superfluous. Art!
Here we see a M5 Stuart, an updated version of the old M3, which in British service was nicknamed the 'Honey', because it handled like a sports car and you could throw it into turns without the tracks coming off. By the time the M5 was in service it was down for reconnaissance only, as it was too thin-skinned and under-gunned to slog it out with Teuton armour. Art!
The only photograph I took of the Vehicle Conservation Centre's interior at this point, unless there are more photos that lie ahead. I bet you can hardly wait.
ANYWAY these vehicles are not technically on display, so there are no backdrops or data cards on them, so Sal and Tom had to put up with Conrad pointing and saying 'O yes this is the Swedish Stridvagn, a turretless tank, though if it doesn't have a turret -' etcetera etcetera.
'Schnuck' here is not the real thing, it's a replica of a Teuton A7 tank, which they reluctantly fielded in 1918 during the First Unpleasantness. It doesn't have a turret <long argument about 'what makes a tank a tank' redacted> and had a enormous crew of 25.
Wowsers, I managed all that without a plan. Go me!
Nostalgia Getting Pricey
Conrad is unsure if it's the tracking algorithm on Youtube, because you can never be too sure what sinister AI is running in the background, but of late a lot of adverts for the Dinky 'Batmobile' have been cropping up. Art!
It's a coooool toy, undeniably and yes I had one when I was a lot smaller than I am now. Just out of curiosity I looked up the price of these new iterations and <gasps> they run at just shy of £40. Digging a little further, they were one of the most successful toys Dinky ever produced, shifting a staggering 5 million of them. Some people are being chancers about it, mind. Art!
I had a look and it's pretty scuffed. £21 for P&P? For an item that weighs only a few ounces and is perhaps six inches long? Hmmmmm NO I think not.
Late Breaking Extra
It's even popped up in my MSN newsfeed! Art?
The universe is trying to tell me something. Will I weaken and - NO! Stay strong Conrad. You can do without this. After all, I managed a whole day at BOVINGTON TANK MUSEUM without buying a single model.
The Haul
From BOVINGTON TANK MUSEUM of course, and how proud of myself am I that I didn't weaken and buy a model kit, for that would have been the thin end of the wedge. Art!
I did spot a publication by Mark Galeotti, except it wasn't in good condition as the front cover was bowed out and it was pretty pricey; Conrad may pay a lot for a book but he expects it to be in good nick. Art!
I've been after these for a while. In case you are unaware, they are a very warts-and-all view of the British army during the First Unpleasantness, rather than the stirring jingoistic stuff from "Victor" or "Hotspur". I'll let you know how I get on. I bet you can hardly wait.
Conrad Loves These Cultural Comparisons
From my news feed. I really am a sucker for items like this. Art!
Conrad was curious so had a nosy. The word in question is 'SORRY'. And the three different meanings?
'POLITE PANIC': Where you express an existential level of dread for the ineffable sin of merely being alive.
'YOU TROD ON MY TOES': Not literally. Or, perhaps, very literally. The tone of voice here informs that you made a mistake that the other party does not appreciate. At all.
'I AM GOING TO TREAD ON YOUR TOES': This is when the above is not sorry enough and there will be an ambulance involved unless you can sprint like Usain Bolt.
Ah the subtleties of the Mother Of All Languages!
Just A Short Item To Hit Word Count
More hot frolics with the Western Desert Extension Line, cribbed from the pages of Oliver, whose site is:
Engines of the Western Allies in WW2
Art!
These are said to be Polite Australian troops, and they can only just have arrived in the desert, as they are wearing the silly solar topee, which was rapidly ditched as it made the wearer look like fFothering-Sykes of the Colonial Service circa 1847.
Yes, that's a truck used for railway maintenance, adapted to run on solid metal wheels, all the better to be more efficient than a hundred-ton locomotive and a fifty-ton tender.
And with that, Vulnavia, Your Modest Artisan is DONE!
No I'm not changing the font because I'm horrid that way.
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