No, We Are Not Going To Be Celebrating Arnold
But, since I have mentioned his name, I am now allowed to bring up an illo of him from his back catalogue. Art!
This is a bit meek. Try harder, Art. Much better!
As you may be aware, earlier in his cinematic career, he appeared in the film 'Pumping Iron', about bodybuilders, which Conrad has not seen and never intends to, for it is simply not my cup of black loose-leaf Darjeeling.
Well, that begins today's Intro, and I would like to continue on this theme. No, what you want doesn't matter; once again, whose blog is it? Art!
Yes, 'Pump It Up' from the dim and distant days of 1977, because Your Humble Scribe is old enough to remember it first time around. Elvis might decry his early material yet I can confirm it's ridiculously catchy stuff. Art!
This is another I remember from first time around, 36 (erk!) years ago, 'Pump Up The Jam' by Technotronic. I fail to see where jam occurs naturally in the real world at such subterranean depths that you need to beusing power machinery to elevate it to ground level.
You may begin to see a pattern developing here. Art!
To quote the CAMRA description "Biscuity, malty and lemon aroma. The flavour has mandarin, lemon, mango and sweet biscuit notes balanced by the bitterness". Yes, well to Conrad it's beer, and it's beer-flavoured. I don't recall seeing it on the shelves at Morrisons, the Co-Op or Lidl but will keep an eye open for it in the future.
Where am I going with this? I hear you quibble. O I thought you'd never ask! Well, today's Intro involves oil pipeline pumping stations, and there is simply NO WAY to make such a subject sexy and appealing, so we've arrived there via a very roundabout route. Props to 'Jake Broe' for providing more info about a subject Conrad was already curious about.
<pause to go make beer and onion gravy>
Art!
What is a crude oil pumping station and what does it for? Well, oil transmission pipelines are usually buried for reasons of safety and efficiency, and we'll come back to that. Oil flowing inside a pipeline accumulates friction thanks to being in contact with the interior of the pipe, and thus loses pressure over any distance it is being sent. In order to counteract this loss, pumping stations are positioned along the line at intervals, to maintain pressure. Conrad has found the metrics for how many pumping stations along a pipeline to be a bit of a moveable feast. Art!
These are two pumping stations in Mordorvia, which Ukraine hit with drones, and the fact that they are on fire is confirmed by the inset pictures, which are NASA's satellite 'FIRMS' data, which displays areas on fire. With no way to keep up the pressure and keep the oil flowing, the whole Kuibyshev pipeline has been closed down. This will persist until the pumping stations are repaired. However - first use today! - the Ukrainians did a similar number on one of the Druzhba pumping stations, which the orcs repaired. The Ukrainians hit it again. The orcs repaired it again. The Ukrainians hit it again. The orcs gave up. Art!
Forgive the orientation - Ruffia, doncha know. The graphic here displays only part of the Mordorvian pipeline network, yet Conrad counted about 70 pumping stations present; the blue circular symbols. Overall, I would estimate there are about 300 pumping stations within the borders of Modern-day Mordor, ± 50%.
Is this important or relevant? Yes, rather. You see, Ukraine will have ranged these sites to the millimetre as they are big and static and have been around for decades. Not only that, they are full of fuels that itch to explode at the slightest provocation, and there are too many to defend. Ruffia cannot adequately defend it's oil refineries and now has to find the resources to defend hundreds of additional targets? Please! Plus, Ruffia's sheer size works against it here, because these oil pipelines traverse enormous distances - 38,000 kilometres as far as I could find out.
Ooops. The irony, it deflagrates*.
Morecambe And Stupid?
One of the things that has made Donold Judas Trump miserable in 2025 are the persistent allegations about his involvement with the uber-perv Epstein, who was his best mate at one point, as much as the Boorish Orange Oaf Himself has mates. Hilariously, 'Moscow' Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House whose only skill is licking Trump's shoes to a high gloss, floated a suggestion that Trump was in fact working with the FBI to bring down Eppy, at the same time that DJ Tango was loudly declaring the whole thing a hoax. Collapse of stout party, suggestion reeled back in, Johnson hideously embarrassed. Art!
Come on, who did this!
For reasons of it not being up to spec on statue code, said the National Parks Service, and also because it must have given the Toxic Tangerine Toad a near-stroke. Conrad cannot help but think it mirrors our classic comedy due Morecambe and Wise, who used to adopt this pose when ending their set. Art!
The difference being that everyone loved M & W. They were a national institution, whereas DJ Tango ought to be in one.
Further To Bentford And Manchester United Dairies
These are two ballfoot clobs, lest ye be unaware, and yes yes yes, we are so going to put up a few Comments. Art!
Gazza
14:37 27 Sep
Haven’t won away since March!
Please don’t fire him!
You may have gathered already, but 'Gazza' is not a fan of MUD.
Noisy Neighbour
14:35 27 Sep
For Your Information, the 'Goal Difference' is the difference between how many goals MUD have scored, and how many have been scored against them. It's a metric that gives a snapshot of how a clob is performing, and if at the end of the season teams have the same number of points, their GD is used to determine who has the superior position. Art!
The Etihad Stadium, home of Manchester In The City
Once again FYI, MITC used to be called 'The Noisy Neighbours' by fans of MUD, as they made a racket but didn't achieve anything, a nickname that is now rather a sickname.
Back To Terry
Terence Cuneo, that is, the British war artist who was much sought after for his expressive depictions of the British army and home front during the Second Unpleasantness. Art!
The Royal Engineers Clearing the Mine Fields at the Start of the Battle of El Alamein, 23 October 1942
Quite a well-known painting, I'm pretty sure this illo is on a dust cover for a book I own.
Just to point out that this was a HORRIBLY dangerous job. The lead sapper ('Number One' of the team) is using a mine-detector modelled on a Polish original, and if the detector's head moves over a metallic object, there will be a high-pitched squeal in the headphones he's wearing. To operate it one needs to be upright, so out of cover and a target for any enemy in the vicinity. The Number Two behind him will mark the object and perhaps also attempt to lift it, finding out whether it's actually an anti-tank mine or a bit of shell casing, hoping that it's not attached to another mine below as a booby-trap. You needed nerves of vanadium steel to do this kind of work.
Laughs And Points
The loathsome dungbag George Galloway has suffered rather an embarrassing reception in the Allotment Of Eden when he returned from pimping for Mordorvia. Art!
Conrad is positive that, were you to remove that hat, you would find the face of Voldemort glaring back at you. Or - perhaps Vladimir Putinpot?
* Not to be confused with 'deliquesence'. Just so we're clear.
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