We Do Seem To Be Dealing With This Spirit A Lot Of Late
Once again, whisper who dares, Conrad is not fond of the stuff. It's okay as a flavouring for baking - Honey and Whisky Cake is a firm favourite - but not as a tipple of choice. Art!
Like any valuable commodity, whisky attracts criminals. You might not dub those who 'rescued' or 'salvaged' the 7,000 cases of whisky from the wreck of the 'SS Politician' as criminals but the law did, and so did HM Customs and Excise.
Nowadays the criminals are a lot more white collar and wield laptops rather than oars, yet their end purpose is much the same: stealing your money. Art!
The problem has grown so pernicious that Your Humble Scribe was able to find this website with minimal searching, and I shall run through their Ten Tips just in case you feel the siren call of whisky cask investing.
1) "Hurry up and sign immediately NOW!"
This is a classic and signature mark of scams in general. Conrad remembers the warnings that went out about pension scams a decade ago, where the scammers would send a motorbike courier to your door poste-haste so you could sign over all your money. Art!
As WID cannily point out, whisky in a cask takes years, up to 15, to age to maturity. Why does the investment company think a few hours are going to make a difference?
2) The Moon on a stick
Or, in less flowery terms, promising 'Guaranteed Returns!', possibly without the exclamation mark. NOTHING in the money markets is guaranteed, there is always risk involved and an unpredictable Black Swan Event may be just around the corner. This problem is why the Financial Services Compensation Scheme exists. Art!
3) High Pester Factor
One way scammers draw in victims is to have a dearth of information about their business, their board, their premises, their stock and so on. To find out what a reputable company would normally be upfront about, people have to provide their contact details. This then leads to a flood of scam spam, which it is hoped will erode your will to live and common sense.
4) Flee By Night
Rather than take any smooth-tongued charmer's word for it, or a flashy glossy brochure, or a website that sings and dances, WID recommend that you, the investor, merely check out the investors details at the Company House website, which is free. This will show how long the company has been around, and in the case of scammers, this will not be long. In fact you may well discover that the business investing in whisky is only one of a looooong string of dodgy failed companies. Ooops.
5) Look Look Gobbledygook
Surprise! A business claiming to be licenced by the Royal and Ancient Order of Capybaras does not, in fact, have any more legitimacy than the next business. What they MUST have is certification from HM Customs & Excise - remember them? they go to any and all lengths to ensure the government gets it's money - and their WOWGR permission. If the 'investment business' has a list of certificates longer than a roll of Andrex but no WOWGR, then they're a scam. Art!
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| What the AI Art Generator thinks "WOWGR" is |
6) Nix Nix
To quote that immortal bard, Elvis PQ Presley. Compare what the investment business has present on any website they have, or whatever pamphlets they provide, and cross-reference with Company House's details. They ought, at the very least, to match up and if they don't, caveat emptor. WID also recommends checking out business sites such as Linkdin, whatever that is. Essentially, a reputable business will have a large 'signature' for potential investors to check. I'm not going to risk the AI with 'nix nix'.
7) DYODD
No, it's not Welsh. Bafune! This is the acronym for "Do Your Own Due Diligence" and is a longer way of saying caveat emptor, which is Latin <hack spit> for be careful and don't purchase pigs in pokes. WID, doing a bit of trumpet-blowing, did a quick search for 'whisky investors' and quickly found 16, of whom only 1 (!) bothered to list their stock prices. WID then cut loose with a list of reasons why not listing stock is a very bad thing. I shall add in a bit of their blurb:
WhiskyInvestDirect posts full details online of all its stock, with prices and costs clearly shown, ready for you to review as and when it suits you. This lets you compare our prices and costs against other offers and importantly see the live price you will receive when you sell.
Not listing prices means risking investment in grossly-overpriced casks, which is one of the prime rip-offs these scammers inflict. WID's language is quite prim but underneath the calm text you can tell they want to flay these scoundrels alive.
8) Provenance
This similar to the chain of ownership in forensic cases, establishing that the whisky is in fact whisky - there are rules about earning that title, believe me, lots of rules - and that it has the pedigree behind it that the investors claim it has. Art!
9) What's In It For Me And How?
Or, what profits will I be getting? These are the questions to be asked about the end of the investment process, which scammers will typically gloss over, if they cover them at all. In the wise words of WID:
- Who will buy my whisky?
- Is there an active market for my specific whisky?
- When was the last time whisky like mine sold?
- What was the last price paid for whisky like mine?
- What are the costs involved in finding a buyer and selling my whisky?
The investors ought to be able to provide information on these subjects. IF they are legit.
10) If In Doubt, Stay Out!
Whisky has been around for thousands of years and is going to be here long after North Sea Oil has run dry, so there is no reason to be panicked into buying a cask of it because an investor is screaming down the phone at you to "BUY BUY BUY NOW NOW NOW!!" There will be legitimate investment opportunities tomorrow and next week and the year after tomorrow.
There you go, BOOJUM! making your world a
The Love Of Crunching Numbers
I'm going to pervert a superhero saying, because I'm horrid that way.
"In brightest day, in blackest night,
No profit for Disney's "Snow White" '
Tee hee! Art?
Thanks to 'Box Office Mojo' for this data, which is for "Snow White". I don't think we've put up a chart like this since "The Marvels", which was another Disney financial flop back in 2023. Art!
So, for the three days when SW ought to be making mint, they actually pulled less than the first Saturday. This failure to maintain a healthy profit means another nail in the coffin, because hoping that this turkey of a film had legs was about the last gasp of Disney's execs. Their other hope, that international audiences would suddenly develop a taste for Meleagris, also proved false. Art!
A 6% increase over Domestic isn't going to earn any executives early retirement with a golden handshake. That $142 million at the box office translates into $71 million in profits, for a film that cost at least $270 million (before reshoots).
Ooops. And also tee hee!
One Conrad Can Get Behind
Since we're already over Count, I need a couple of picture items to fill out the rest of today's blog. Art!
Naughty naughty, not putting the title up so that people just have to click and find out. Well, it's "Children Of Men" in case you were wondering, and it is indeed a masterpiece, especially the urban combat at the end, which is grimly realistic. It does end on a hopeful note, so dystopian-with-a-shred-of-utopia.
Oh Look Who's Joining In The Fun
Conrad is no fan of "The Daily Mail", which sees itself as the unofficial voice of the Conservative Party. However - a word unused today until now - they are also giving SW a good shoeing whilst it's down. Art!
Finally -
Just to caution you that we're not done with Whisky Cask Investment Scams, not by a long way!
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