PAY ATTENTION!
No I am not talking about 'Malcolm', the name of Gaelic origin, which means 'A devotee of Saint Columba" even when they're not. Art!
Malcolm McDowell, suffering for his art. And Stanley's.
MALCOM is the blog's portmanteau word formed from 'Malicious Compliance', and we have recounted these before. MalCom is where people stick to the letter of an agreement or arrangement, rather than the spirit, and in so doing drop the other party into very hot water.
So! in today's Intro we have Customer Service Member, hereafter CSM, who worked at a call centre. Conrad can appreciate their tale, it's effectively what I've done for the past twelve years and I have my own insights.
ANYWAY CSM joined the team, who were 'managed' by Shirley. I use quotation marks because she did as little work as possible, actively avoided managing and hid any problems from her boss. Who loved her for never bringing any problems up. Stick a pin in this, it will have repercussions later. Art!
CSM's first run-in with Shirley came when she suggested a better and more efficient way of processing call statistics, which surly Shirley shot down immediately, telling CSM "I don't want suggestions or help unless I specifically ask for them."
This caution was a badge of honour, because everyone in Shirley's team detested her. In fact they waited until she was absent to come up with solutions to problems, completely bypassing her. So everyone waited until she was gone and promptly embraced CSM's suggestion. Tee hee!
However - my favourite word again - this is not the MalCom. That picture above shows what the AI thinks of the prompt "Phone statistics". In my own job our performance is rated on things like "Average Handling Time", which is how long your phone calls last; "Wrap Time" which is after-call admin; "Conference Calls" which are usually calls with a third party translator. CSM was trained in how to run their department's phone stats log, breaking down performances with duration of calls, number of calls answered, how many rings before answer (an especial pain in the bottom! believe me). She would be sent the statistics by Shirley, so what can possibly go wrong?
Shirley could. She ignored CSM's repeated requests for the statistics, and CSM eventually gave up, figuring that if things went the shape of a pear, she had covered her bottom with her e-mail requests. Art!
Things began to fall apart for Shirley when her boss was fired. CSM, relating the tale, used 'fired' quite specifically. Not 'let go', 'resigned', 'moved on' or 'head-hunted' - fired. One suspects that this person was the shield and protector of Shirley and equally incompetent to boot.
Shirley then had to report directly to the president of the company, and he ran her ragged because she now had to do two jobs instead of pretending to do one. She had to submit reports, attend meetings and answer questions, and after a couple of weeks came back into her offices pale-faced and quivering.
She had until that afternoon to come up with the phone statistics (remember them?), which would be addressed by the president, as she confessed to Angela, the senior in her office. She had no idea where or how to get them.
Angela told this to CSM. CSM knew all about them. Angela knew CSM knew. BUT CSM had been told, verrrry specifically "I don't want suggestions or help unless I specifically ask for them."
They hadn't asked. So they didn't get.
What Shirley did get was fired when she went empty-handed to the meeting. By then the Prez most probably knew what a complete waste of space she was and was happy to find an excuse to eradicate her bottom.
How karma comes calling, hmmm? If Shirley had been half-decent to her staff, she might have survived. But no.
Good, actually, because otherwise this would be a very short Intro.
More Myth-Mashing
I can't use '-Busting' because a certain television program got there first. No, this isn't about the 'Skydiving See-Saw' myth, which I don't recall seeing but which sounds remarkably dangerous and exciting, but rather myths about the First Unpleasantness. Art!
On the whole, British generals of the time tended to be well-off because you needed a certain level of wealth to be able to afford the officer's lifestyle and if you lacked the money then you joined the Indian Army, where your expenses were far lower.
However - O that word again! - Dan presents a couple of telling statistics. Art!
The upper-class scions from public schools saw it as their duty to volunteer to serve as officers. As an officer it was expected that you lead your men, from the front, where you naturally encounter all sorts of horrid stuff flying around at high speed. As Lindybeige once put up on his vlog, "British officers don't duck. The men don't like it and it doesn't help, anyway."
In fact, the losses among British senior officers were so high that - in 1915 if memory serves - officers higher than a colonel in rank were forbidden from loitering in the front lines, because you can certainly promote a major to a colonel when the latter drops dead from severe lead poisoning, but you can't suddenly give him years of experience.
Hearts Of Oak
I got this coming up in my Twitter (Ha! take that Elong Tusk!) feed, I imagine because we here at BOOUUM! have been whanging on about oak trees of late. Allow me to insert a quote and up the Word Count a tad. Art!
HMS Victory was a first-rate ship of the line, having three decks, all of them bristling with cannon. Hang on, let me check a mo - ah, 104 of the beggars, mostly on port and starboard sides, perhaps with a couple of stern-chasers and bow beggars. Conrad recalls a long-gone History essay where I compared these ships to 'floating artillery parks', because they were.
Beware, The Grammar And Spelling Nazi Is Always There!
Things like poor punctuation, mis-spelling and bad grammar are frequent on Twitter (Ha! twice in done day Elong!) because Ruffian bots and trolls are not very good at pretending to be native English speakers. One giveaway is that they frequently use the word 'Loose' when they mean 'Lose', and they decline to post anything sweary or mocking about Bunker Midget Grandad. You can test their human status by resorting to a request for a delicious cupcake recipe.
HOWEVER! Art?
THAT SHOULD BE "OUTSHONE"
Rant over. Thanks for paying attention to a grumpy old man ranting.
Conrad Falls Out Of Chair Laughing
Allow me to post the source of my mocking amusement. Art!
One has to ask, with what? There is a large stretch of wet stuff surrounding Japan, and from our study last year the Ruffian Pacific Fleet has a whole five landing ships, capable of perhaps mustering a thousand men and a handful of tanks. Mordorvia cannot manage to conquer a neighbouring country it shares a land border with, and it expected to conquer Japan? Which has a standing army 250,000 strong, armed with the best kit money can buy?
Finally -
I have checked and the Co-Op in Lesser Sodom is open normal hours today, probably to recoup the money it lost yesteryon thanks to being closed. So Pashka is possibly a go. Wasn't there something about a flowerpot, too?
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