Or Perhaps Only Three
For Lo! Conrad is going to be whanging on about another topic we have covered here occasionally in the past, namely the prospective Teuton invasion of This Sceptred Isle during the early part of the Second Unpleasantness. The plan for this was known as "Unternehmen Zeelowe" or "Operation Sealion". Art!
Those are the stills from a wargame I remember being featured in the Sunday magazines, which deserves a whole Intro to itself.
Operation Sealion has a peculiar fascination for historians and wargamers because - it never happened. But might have done. That 'might' appeals to gamers because you can mirror either the naval part of the plan, or the aerial, or the land, or a combination of all three. Each affects the others, whether for good or ill.
SO! I have looked at the subject matter from a British perspective. What kind of perspective would an Austrian have, coming from a Teuton background and a landlocked Mittel European country? Art!
Enter Bernhard Kast, Austrian academic and researcher, and his take on Operation Sealion. His Youtube channel is "Military History Visualised" and it was mostly his data being presented on the topic of anti-aircraft gunnery versus the Fairey Swordfish. Art!
Ol' Bernie assumes the above for his scenario, or it wouldn't fly. This is far better than the Teutons managed in real life. Next, he moves on to mounting an amphibious operation, a matter far more complex than merely writing it down. Art!
Whilst terrain doesn't change, you cannot control either weather or tides. Yes, tides are predictable, you can look them up on charts, but again weather is not.
Then, whilst the Teutons would be forced to bring everything by sea, the Brits would be using road and rail to move men and equipment, thus having the advantage of interior lines.
How would those amphibious forces be protected? T/he Kriegsmarine had been given a right shoeing in their invasion of Norway and Denmark. Art!
This was when they had complete surprise. There was no way to surprise the British, since amassing an invasion force would be impossible to hide, and the Royal Navy mustered 25 warships to the Teutons 7. Rather an imbalance. That's not including the Royal Navy in the Med, which adds another 46 ships to the balance. Let's have another of Ol' Bernie's graphics. Art!
Bernie reckons that any landings would have been chaotic and costly, even without the British being hateful with guns. Prior to 1940 the last Teuton amphibious operation had been in 1918 in the Baltic.
The Wehraboos will be gnashing their teeth by this point, and shouting "Falschirmjager!" loudly, meaning that the Teutons could have won by using paratroopers. Sadly for these fantasists, Ol' Bernie rubbishes that idea, too. Art!
Conrad is quite happy to nick Bernie's graphics because it's "Military History Visualised", isn't it?
Moreover, the British were not sitting idly by, contemplating their naval. They had plans to thwart any prospective Teuton airborne seizure of a port. O yes indeed. Such an action was a major concern at the time.
That title is worth tattooing on the inside of your eyelids because it bears repeating.
Bernie goes on to contrast the post-assault logistics planning for D-Day with the Teutons slapdash approach of crossing their fingers really hard and wishing, as well as clicking their heels together. It's the heels that do it. Art!
Teuton weapons were completely different from British, meaning all their ammunition and munitions would need to be transported across the Channel. Even assuming Luftwaffe air superiority, and the successful seizure of a port, all those supplies need to be moved forward. Don't forget the Wehrmacht, for all it's boasting, moved things overwhelmingly by horse transport.
Finally, let's have a last graphic from Bernie. Art!
The Teuton strengths of Speed, Surprise and Initiative were all nullified by their weaknesses in Logistics, the nature of attritional warfare and Naval Capacities (or lack of). Simply put, the British merely had to hold out in order to win, whereas the Germans needed a crushing victory. That has a curious contemporary feel to it .....
Bernie's overall assessment is that Sealion had absolutely 0% chance of success unless it caused British morale to collapse, which never happened, Conrad concurs!
I've left out the dull stuff, as where he quotes from Teuton academic works and translates them, as proof of checking his sources. You have an honest face, Bernie, we trust you.
Danger, Will Robinson! Bus Factor One!
As you ought to know by now, a 'Bus Factor' refers to how many critical staff you have whose being knocked down by a bus would severely impact your business. It is monumentally unwise to allow your BF to dwindle to One, as my re-telling of a Quora story proves. Art!
Mission Critical Upholder, hereafter MCU, was a mechanical engineer at a plant, who maintained equipment not only across the working day but afterwards and at weekends, when production lines were shut down. He had unparalleled technical and practical knowledge of everything mechanical.
So! What does manglement do? Calls him into the office and berates him for not being a 'team player'. Quite what this little pep talk was intended to do is a puzzle, because MCU proved he wasn't a team player by -
Quitting on the spot. What did they expect? From a non-team player?
It gets better. MCU formed his own business as a plant engineer for hire. His first client was his old employer, who had failed to find a replacement for him. He gouged them for two years at six times his old salary before they went bust. Probably because their manglement were trying to make square wheels.
Mining A Mint
Just to prod other, less successful films with a pointy stick, let me show you how well "A Minecraft Movie" has been doing of late. Art!
Applying the Rule Of 50%, that means Warner have made $358 million in profit, easily putting them into the red as the film only (!) cost $150 million. Conrad doesn't care to see it and, indeed, has no idea what 'Minecraft' is, nor does he feel the need to remedy this deficiency. BUT, and an exclusion in neon letters ten feet tall, you can guarantee there will be a sequel thanks to the Hollywood suits seeing $$$. Meanwhile - Art!
Can you guess which film this is? "Snow White" if you're at all uncertain. Not even at $200 million. Wow. This thing is on track to lose $200 million, especially as they've cut the number of screens showing it globally down to 1,650. Ooops. Also, tee hee! Art?
Don't ask me. I only Googled.
Talking Of Financial Disaster In The Making
Casting our vision eastwards to the land of Mordorvia, where the shadows lie and so does state television. Art!
We have covered this in more detail before, and this is where the Ruffian Ministry Of Economic Development has just reduced the official price of oil per barrel from $70 down to $56, not just for this year of 2025 but into 2028. This is the lowest price for 5 years, and an admission that the Ruffian economy is circling the drain, because these are official statistics. A $14 drop sustained for three years is very bad news for the orcs, who are going to have to tighten their belts, so tightly their bellies will be meeting their backbones.
A Couple Of Unkind Hits
Just because we can and yes I am a terrible person. Art!
Poor Elong Tusk, fancy him wanting to get out of the spotlight now that he's found people are being mean to him. His poor delicate fee-fees are offended. So are the board of Tesla, who are meeting on 25th April, and Elong is frightened that he's going to be sacked. Tee hee! Art?
Then they take after their stock prices, don't they?
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