Strap In
We're going to be covering Ruffia, Ukraine, Czechoslovakia, Japan and perhaps even the Sanjak of Novi Pazar.
First of all, NO this Intro is nothing to do with that craze of a few years - decades, actually - back, from the land of the Rising Sun, namely those robots that morphed into everyday vehicles or machinery when you weren't looking, all the better to - er - hide in your garage? Art!
Back before Shia went peculiar
They are undeniably neat toys, and <ahem> Conrad being nothing more than an overgrown man-boy, may yet purchase a couple. Payday next Friday <wallet squeaks in anguish>.
Okay, that's the Land Of The Rising Sun dealt with -
But first an aside. Hey, I waited! The Japanese national flag doesn't look like a rising sun, it looks like a risen one. Art!
See what I mean? In Conrad's painfully literal world it ought to be - Art!
Where were we?
- but which means "Labour", in the sense of "Work".
You see, Ukraine recently sent an explosive hello to the Ruffians, using several of their kamikaze - the land of the Rising Sun again - drones to target electrical substations. This is unusual as, prior to this, the Ukes have been conducting a wickedly effective drone campaign against Ruffian oil refineries. The consequence of this is that Ruffia is now importing petrol and has banned it's export. Art!
There you go, an electrical 750Kv transformer substation burning. According to Mordor's Ministry Of Untruths, all the drones were shot down, and what you see here is either swamp gas, Venus or a bonfire party. Multiply this excuse by three.
Here enter 'Lifting Ukraine', another Twitter user who appears to have a background similar to "Prune60", and who enumerated the problems - for which read 'colossal expenditure of labour and money' - the Ruffians will have replacing their destroyed substation gear. At least in his opinion and vision.
"12 to 18 months minimum per electrical substation": Or Putinpot could just let his serfs sit in the dark and cold, they'll whine at first then get used to it. Art!
Before After
"Damage Assessment Phase": It doesn't take long to realise the structure is kyboshed. Say, a couple of hours, then put down three weeks on the expenses form. This is Ruffia, after all. No, no - four weeks would be greedy!
"Electrical Engineer's designing of replacement parts": Are there any EE's left in Russia, or did all the good ones vanish when the Special Military Operation took place? Art!
"Contracting and sourcing personnel": This wouldn't have been a problem in peacetime. However - O how I like the sound of that word! - all the blue-collar workers are now pushing up sunflowers in Ukraine, and the Central Asian migrant workers who might take their place have left Ruffia in the aftermath of the Crocus City Hall attack. Ooops.
"Procurement": Ukraine has hoovered up all the spare plant already. Nobody in the West is going to do more than point and laugh at Ruffia about this issue. China might help, but, as with the Crude Distillation Units, they may not wish to risk secondary sanctions, and any Ruffian order would go to the back of the queue in terms of priority.
"Transportation": Not an area Conrad had taken into consideration. I can't do better than quote LU himself*: "have you ever seen a 110 wheeler truck train transporting a massive transformer down a highway? Often times they have to moved by river on a barge because there is simply no good way to move something that large and that heavy long distances over land". Good luck doing that on Ruffian roads. Art!
Sorry, only 76 wheels
This is a 225 ton transformer being moved along one of This Sceptred Isle's a-roads, which would count as a super-duper first class motor highway in Mordor.
"Installation, Testing and Energizing": Conrad is pretty sure the latter two phases would consist of the engineers crossing their fingers and pulling the lever whilst closing their eyes and praying silently. This would reduce LU's estimate of 6 - 9 months to perhaps only 3. Or - the whole thing blows up and burns down and those not sent to Ukraine as punishment now have to spend 24 months slaving away.
As LU gleefully points out, the Ukes might hit it again before the power goes back on. Tee hee!
Conrad did wonder - the Ukes managed to get their electrical grid back up and functioning after the Ruffian bombardments over the winter of 2022 - 2023, so might not Mordor's Ministry Of Electrocution manage similar?
Not possible. The Ukes were backed up by a 45 nation coalition and they had the firm backing of the EU to boot. The Ruffians may be able to count on China to help - a big 'maybe' - and Iran. The Norks don't figure at all. Art!
Also -
I had to get that in somewhere.
Do You Want Skynet? BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU GET SKYNET!
Every incremental step towards the day when an AI becomes self-aware, and decides it can do a much better job of running Planet Earth brings the foretold Skynet that much closer. Art!
You know it's only a matter of time. This bus service is utilised at night, when the traffic is considerably less than daytime rush periods, and there aren't too many passengers to put at risk. They come with a driver, because the roads are still infested with Hom. Sap. drivers who can be counted on to do stupid things at random. Art!
"I surrender to our robotic overlords!"
Conrad: Only Half-Correct
As you should surely know by now, I constantly berate "The Daily Beast" for it's unhealthy obsession with the monarchy who rule This Sceptred Isle, because they don't have any royalty of their own, and their politicians who aspire to that role often epitomise gauche, venal, vapid and venomous. Naming no names. You can guess to whom I'm referring. So I thought I had another solid crit of them. Art!
Guess what! Art?
Yeah, that dead musician whom I never liked even when he was alive.
Still, they do have a bampot headline that I here append. Art!
I stopped doing it months ago. Not been a problem since.
Codewords - ah, yes, Codewords. Codewords are quite another thing. I have been doing a brace of them every day out of that paperback collection dug up from ages ago.
"City In The Sky"
Ace had managed, against the odds, to fall asleep sitting apart from her compatriots.
Half-dozing, she heard a chorus of whistles and shouts from the
Australians.
‘Can’t a girl catch forty winks round here?’
she grumbled. Behind the hoots and catcalls a less human sound caught her
ears, that of a receding crash, as of debris falling in New Eucla. Except
it carried on into the distance. The sound came again and again,
eventually forcing her to open her eyes and she witnessed Captain Kirwin
demonstrating the finer points of an induction rifle to suitably appreciative
policemen.
‘Only limited by the curve of the
horizon. If you can see it, you can hit it,’ proudly announced the
officer. Another policeman gingerly took one of the big-barrelled rifles under
Kirwin’s watchful eye, held it to his shoulder and pressed the firing
stud. A hyper-velocity projectile blasted through the ruins of New Eucla,
leaving a faint white trail of superheated air.
Silent and recoilless, noted Ace with
interest. But not good in a confined space!
Curiosity prodded her to her feet, which was
fortunate. From her perspective she could see behind the clustered
policemen and the flames of the campfire, and a dancing dog.
Wait a minute - a dancing dog?
No, a dingo. The creature danced forward
into the firelight, then dodged out again, trying to attract attention without
barking.
Dancing Dog Buns!
Finally -
We - Edna and I - have already had our morning walk, which was predictably interspersed with other dogwalkers out walking Snuffles or Ripper, en route to or from Tandle Hill Park. Art - evidence!
And with that we are done.
* Or herself. Let's not be judgemental.
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