I Decided Not To Put An Exclamation Mark There
Because that might incite howls from the pro-canine community, who misread the description as an instruction. You see, with old muzzle-loading cannon one can stick pretty much anything down the barrel that will fit in the bore. So, you can imagine the desperate straits a pirate crew might be reduced to when being tackled by the Royal Navy - Art!
CRINGING CREWMAN: Cap'n, sir, we've run out of cannon balls!
DEFIANT PIRATE CAPTAIN: Run out of cannon balls? Then - fire grapeshot!
<ten minutes later>
CRINGING CREWMAN: Cap'n, sir, we've run out of grapeshot!
DEFIANT PIRATE CAPTAIN: Run out of grapeshot? Then - fire cutlery! <crosses fingers that Disney will not sue>
<five minutes later>
CRINGING CREWMAN: Cap'n, sir, we've run out of cutlery!
DEFIANT PIRATE CAPTAIN: Run out of cutlery? Then - fire (looks around) tarry rope!
<two minutes later>
CRINGING CREWMAN: Cap'n, sir, we've run out of tarry rope!
DEFIANT PIRATE CAPTAIN: Run out of cutlery? Then - fire (looks around and notices ship's mascots) - dogs!
Well, it might happen. "Mythbusters" had a compressed-air cannon that fired chickens.
ANYWAY let us move on from the fecund if feverish mind of Your Humble Scribe, and when I say "Fire Dogs" some of the more canny amongst you might still be stuck on muzzle-loading cannon and quibble that I'm still talking about gunpowder andiron. Art!
Fire dogs, or andirons if you wish to avoid the RSPCA getting involved, were a staple in old fireplaces, before the widespread use of coal; they were intended to support logs whilst they burned. Keeping the logs off the hearth itself meant air could circulate and improve the burn quality, keeping smoke to a minimum. Art!
Why the term 'Fire D
"YOU NEED SOMETHING BURNED?!"
NO! No, Mac, we got this covered. Er - did you check out the rest of the Nork camp at Donning Maud? Yeah, yeah, right - if you come across another imitation husky you can, indeed, turn it into a fire dog. Just not here. Okay?
<Mac ambles off, muttering>
Sheesh. I forgot Mac was liable to turn up if we discussed setting things al - er - setting things a-l-i-g-h-t. Sound guy, if you can overlook the drinking and pyromania. Art!
I can tell what you're thinking now. "One of those creepy robot dogs from Boston Dynamics. Mounting - what, a laser cannon? Pulse rifle? Anti-drone gun?
WRONG!
This is the 'Thermonator', a robot dog from the Throwflame company, and - you may be ahead of me here - Art!
 |
| FIRE DOG! |
Yours if you have $9,420 to hand, and we are reliably informed that it is perfectly legal to own in 48 South Canadian states, indicating that 3 have wised up to the threat of Skynet and it's minions. What it's legal status will be in other, more sane, countries is open to question and I don't think Conrad could import one without Customs (and MI5) asking very pertinent questions. One non-controversial use posited by a commentator was in the South Canadian Parks And Recreation Service, for carrying out either controlled burns, or for creating firebreaks during wildfires, thus minimising the risk to squashy fragile Hom. Sap. Conrad, ever the ghoul, thinks it might be pretty handy in clearing hostile trenches - at which point good taste intervenes (for once). Art!
Flamethrowing Dog, meet Skateboarding Duck.
The Skies Are Grey
- on this dull Spring day. Art!
Here we are, taking a stroll earlier this morning, as it looks like rain this afternoon. Not looking good for drying laundry on the line, either.
This is one of the weeks when Tandle Hill Road is at it's most attractive, with all the cherry blossoms out on the trees, so I got a few on them in the picture, too. Make the most, they'll be gone in a few weeks. Sic transit gloria mundi and all that.
Now, back to our scheduled wibble.
"The War Illustrated Edition 187"
The date on this issue's cover is "August 18 1944", but please remember that there is a delay of at least two weeks between the cover date and the date of pictures taken in the magazine. So what you see will be from early August. Just to be clear. Art!
Some telling photographs here. At upper port you can see South Canadian infantry crossing a road, during the successful breakout of Operation COBRA. Here there's also a wrecked Teuton truck and an immobilised Panther tank, quite possibly broken down and abandoned (reliability issues doncha know). To starboard a trio of somewhat dishevelled Teuton prisoners scurry towards Allied lines, waving anything white to hand. This is wise, as there are no escorts with them and they would probably not want to get accidentally shot now that the war is over for them. At lower port a Redcap (military policeman) directs traffic whilst an infantry section trudges through puddles, proving that August in France can be wet. Lastly, you have Winnie himself, standing with a cheering crowd of Tommies, without a bodyguard to be seen. Are you paying attention, Herr Schickelgruber?
Aswarm With Loose Lips
Because "Brick Technology" keeps "Sinking Lego Ships". His Underwater Artificial Whirlpool Of Doom has seen off a trio of ships already. Art!
Time to up the ante with a new, larger ship. Art!
That's a hard NO. So, BT needs to go back to the drawing board and come up with a new, more ingenious - or simply more powerful - method of sinking this larger and thus more buoyant boat. First question - how would an engineer go about this? Art!
This Chapter is headed "Wave Machine" and you can see the design principle here: the motors move the shafts back and forth, and the wheels, there to displace as much water as possible, will generate waves, which ought to be sufficient to sink the boat. Well, does it work? Art!
Yup, pretty much. Well done BT!
"City In The Sky"
The crew of Arcology One are busy as bees, except in this case their 'hive' is going to be modified for a one-time only trip into the atmosphere.
Not too bad, mused the watching Timelord. Better too long than too short.
Co-ordinating their hauling
teams by Tab and visuals across the sphere allowed the Wardens to fine-tune
this attempt. Distance killed the sound,
but the Doctor swore he heard metal grate against metal as the unwieldy
structure finally lodged itself together.
Removing his boater, he wiped
sweat from his brow.
‘Anxious stuff, eh?’
commented a stranger watching amongst a group of spectators. The Doctor favoured him with a frosty look.
‘Please! The mathematics and
physics are incontrovertible. It’s
simply a matter of putting them into practice.’
He checked his half-hunter. ‘As
rapidly as possible.’
With the internal bracing erect, that left the numerous busy teams
attaching additional supports to the sphere’s original girder skeleton, which
meant removing a considerable amount of landscape overlying the girders; Arc
One was rapidly resembling a giant construction site.
Nor was that all. Not
nearly! No, there was a line of workers
busily creating lunarkrete modular blocks, each a metre square and half a metre
thick. This served two purposes, since
it not only created components for the heat-shield, but also consumed water,
which would otherwise have to be pumped back into storage tanks – and there
wasn’t enough space to accommodate the sphere’s entire holdings of water. Nobody had ever seen the need for that in the
design, even when there were only ten thousand inhabitants. Another works team were out on the hull exterior,
welding support rods to it, where the blocks would be tethered in a triple
layer.
How, exactly, Mister Author, did Arc One end up with more water than it started with?
Finally -
Better get that laundry dried. O the travails of my rock 'n' roll lifestyle! Come on, Edna.
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