Smarty Party Glitterati

I May Be Pushing It A Bit With 'Glitterati'

Since it means celebritutes who hog the limelight, attention and publicity, but once again I must point out - whose blog is it?

     Exactly.  So what I say, goes.  Consider it useful practice for when I take over the world.

     ANYWAY let us now concentrate on the central theme for this Intro: glitter.  You'd not normally associate glitter with life and death situations, not unless you're a serious student of "Doctor Who", the BBC's premier dramamentary serial.  Art!

The least-wanted party crashers ever

     I can see your furrowed brow here.  Glitter?  Cybermen?  One cannot easily imagine one of these metal monsters boogying under a glitterball pinging lasers onto the dancefloor.     

     Welllll one has to recall the Fourth Doctor's tangential mention of 'The Glitter Gun', which he describes (hiding his relish) as turning the Cyberspoilsports into 'gold-plated statues'.   Art!

Makes a nice hat-stand

     Very cannily, no details are given about the Glitter Gun, leaving we the audience to invent it in our own heads, which is a smart move because there's no television budget involved.

     Then we have Mark Rober.  Mark is a genuine differently-mentalled scientist and engineer, who is the kind of person who thinks "What if?" and then follows through on it.  Hence his series of increasingly sophisticated Glitter Bombs, which we have covered in the past.  Art!

     Ah - no.  He'd be up on murder charges if this were accurate.  No, his GBs are intended to bait and punish 'porch pirates', that is, the reprehensible reprobates who steal packages from people's porches.  Once they unseal the package - Art!

     Half a pound of glitter goes everywhere, accompanied by Fart Spray and flashing red-and-white lights and a pre-recorded police message.

     Ho ho ho, hmmm?  Except one of Mark's bait bombs was stolen by a gang in a car, and when the police message got sprung upon them -

     - they shot the Glitter Bomb.  That was one parcel Mark didn't bother to track down and retrieve.

     So, to more of glitter and cars and evil intent.  OP posted on Reddit about how she was getting married and that she didn't like surprises.  At all.  She was emphatic with all her bridesmaids and maid of honour and guests and plus-ones that SHE DIDN'T LIKE SURPRISES.  

     Enter Mary and Liz.  They begged and bleated about decorating the couple's car, and OP - not without misgivings - allowed them, anticipating nothing more than tin cans and 'Just Married' stickers.  NO SURPRISES.  Art!

SURPRISE!

     15 minutes into their journey OP turns on the air-conditioning -

     - and a fog of glitter storms out of the vents, blinding her and, rather more importantly, her husband.  Who was driving.  Past tense, because, eyes clotted solid with sharp shiny shizzle, he ran  the car off-road and into a tree.

     TREE = 1

     CAR = 0

     It was a write-off.  Both their guardian angels had been on a five-alarm alert, so neither were so much as scratched.

     But O my, Mary and Liz were highly amused when OP rang Mary back, laughing and giggling at their splendid SURPRISE, thinking their prank had been a jolly event indeed.

     Then it was their turn to have a SURPRISE when OP informed them that they were on the hook for her ruined wedding dress, hairdo, makeup and the minor matter of a mashed-up motor.  Art!

     OP displayed her steely spine (as above) and went after both for full costs, threatening them with court action if the unhappy couple were not fully compensated.  They had to take out loans and use up their savings, bleating piteously all the while about how it wasn't their fault and OP was the real villain for not being able to take a joke, and hubbo had been having affairs and -

     Well, they are both now penniless and friendless.  OP ought to rub it in a little by sending them a little memento - Art!

     Moral of the story: don't litter with glitter.

Conrad Approves

Conrad has never played the computer game "Fallout" and indeed has no idea what it's about.  A squabble between a bunch of friends?

     ANYWAY I did catch a clip of the trailer, which features an alternate reality looking like the Sixties in South Canada, when Central City is hit by incoming nuclear warheads.  Art!

     Three near-simultaneous detonations, which is what a Nuclear Missile Operations Officer would look to achieve if possible, because if an incoming warhead is late, it can encounter the initial flash of the previous detonations, which might cause it's HE components to spontaneously explode.  Or it could be hit by the shock wave, or debris.  So, wave the flags for realism.

     HOWEVER! - WHY you'd want to hit a defenceless city chock-full of civilians with at least four nuclear warhead is presumably explained in the film?  Or the game?  Because it's really not cricket, old chap.

The Siege Continues

Conrad has moved onto Scenario 2 of his hex-and-counter boardgame 'Siege', which now includes rules for Siege Towers, as well as Filled Moat hexes and Rubble hexes, where the battlements have been successfully torn down.  Art!

Filled moat and Rubble hexes

The Siege Tower trundles forward

     I shall probably have to play this game through once to get the rules sorted out in my head.  Plus it's always an interesting experience when playing against yourself, because you can never lose, even if you can never win, either.

How Very Serendipitous!

Conrad came across a short YouTube clip that featured an etiolated yet enormous monster that went by the appellation "Sirenhead", because - you may be ahead of me here - it has two sirens instead of a more conventional head.  Typically, I cannot find the short again, so instead have a photo that involves - Art!

     Sirenhead wouldn't last long in This Sceptred Isle, the poor creature would succumb to hypothermia within days.

"City In The Sky"

The Doctor is up to mischief.  Or perhaps down to mischief, as he's travelling from orbital Arcology to Australia.

     ‘Is – ah, that “TARDIS”?’ asked Kirwin when they got within view of the timeship.

     ‘ “The” TARDIS,’ clarified Ace, mischievously.  ‘He gets a bit precious if you don’t treat it with respect.’

     ‘Ace!’ scolded the Doctor, proving her point perfectly.  ‘My frankly amazing time- and space-travelling machine, on – er – long-term loan.’

     The American looked uncertainly at the impassive police box, which had attracted the normal attendant audience of small children.

     ‘And you can go all over the universe in it?’

     ‘Yes!’ declared the Doctor, proudly.  He stuck a thumb in each lapel.  ‘Only in the Local Group of late, mind you.  This genteel lady needs a trillion-mile overhaul before we venture further,’ and he patted the blue “wooden” exterior affectionately.

     Once inside the woman gawped silently at the interior, forgetting to lower her valise and case until her arms began to ache, starting when the central time rotor wheezed into action.

     ‘The list,’ trilled the Doctor, giving one pencilled note to each passenger.  ‘We’ll split up, scavenge what we can and meet back at the TARDIS in an hour.’

     The time rotor bottomed out with it’s usual enervated thump.  Overhead the central monitor screen showed a barren and dilapidated roadway with great patches and swathes of weeds and grasses thrusting up amongst the craggy and battered tarmac.  Kirwin hung back when the doors opened, pale of face and swallowing nervously.

     Well you'd be pale and nervous if it were the first time setting foot on a planet.

Finally -

The thing about a successful television program is the temptation for producers to keep on keeping on, year after year, season after season, taking the money pitcher to the well as long as possible, until you're down to the sludge at the bottom when all the water's gone.

     Aren't I poetic?  Also, case in point:

     23 Seasons?  Blimey!  Conrad just checked and there have been 132 episodes, meaning that this English countryside village is a hot-bed of at least 132 murders <checks> actually more like 400.  The murder rate works out at 1 per 50,000 people.  One wonders why there are any people still remaining in this blighted neighbourhood.  Unless they're the ones committing the murders?