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Saturday 27 April 2024

Canine Capers

I Can Lead With This As We've Got Yet More Fire Dogs 

Though in this case they are nothing to do with andirons or being shot from a cannon, and might more correctly be titled "Fire House Dogs", because, guess what I found when Googling for 'Fire Dogs'?  Art!



     Ding ding indeed.  There is, believe it or not, a "National Fire Pup Day", as of October 1st, across The Pond amongst our trans-Atlantic cousins.  Most of the fire dog mascots at fire houses are Dalmatians, because OF COURSE a breed named after part of the Balkans needs to travel in a fire engine.  Or something.  This stems from the Dalmatian being a breed of 'carriage dog', namely one that could trot beside it's master's horse-drawn carriage for hours on end.  They also got on well with horses, which was important in the pre-internal combustion era.  Art!


     Here in This Sceptred Isle we have Fire Dogs, too, except ours come with an additional word in the title: Fire Investigation Dogs.  They are trained to sniff out flammable substances in order to forensically assess suspicious fires.  'Req', as he is known, is responsible for helping put away arsonists for a total of 250 years over his career.  So they probably won't be giving him a delicious chewy treat any time soon.  Art!


     This is 'Smokey', who was rescued by the Jacksonville Fire Department as a puppy from a house fire, and, as proof that the South Canadians can be as soppy as the Brits when it comes to animals, was resuscitated by a firefighter and now lives with them.  Perhaps 'Salamander' would be a better title?  Art!


     Nothing to do with anything incendiary, just Edna hanging around hopefully in the anticipation of Conrad dropping anything edible onto the carpet.

     Okay, let us switch things up a tad and prod Art into providing an illustration.  This electric fish-fork ought to do the job -


     This is Twitter (none of that "X" nonsense here) user "Yankee Sierra In Alaska", posting a picture of himself aboard a Coalition helichoppter in Helmand province, Afghanistan.  Yes, that is a dog in his lap.  Yes, it is injured.  Yes, it is being casevacced alongside a section of 14 soldiers of the Ready Steady Go Team.   Art!

                                  When Hom. Sap. needs it
     

     This is 'Casevac', military jargon for 'Casualty Evacuation', because they like to shorten everything.  The dog in question was 'Ammo', a British EOD K-9, as YSIA described her.  Jargon again: "EOD" means "Explosive Ordnance Disposal" or The Bomb Squad, and Ammo's job would be similar to that of the more famous Patron in Ukraine: sniffing out bombs, either simply unexploded or as part of a booby-trap.  Ammo was injured in the line of duty, so the duty team went in to recover her, just as if she was a Hom. Sap.

     Is there a happy ending?  Why certainly!  YSIA said they'd encountered Ammo's handler on Facebook years later, and the old gel had recovered completely, retired and was living out her years as a veteran.  I nearly said 'vet'.

Ammo's occasional treat

     We all know that Conrad is not a dog person, so what brings this enthusiasm for our canine companions to the fore?  Well, if you must know, the disgusting and disgraceful behaviour of one Kristi Noem, a South Canadian politician, who may well have sunk her chances of election thanks to sheer malicious cruelty.  No, I'm not going to detail or link, I leave that to you.  Caution advised.  We here at BOOJUM! thought we'd level things out a bit, so here we are.

     Edna has just enjoyed a dried rabbit's ear, which she ran off with lest I steal it from her.  Not going to happen, Edders; I have no sense of smell yet the reek that came out of the opened plastic tub was positively gross.  Art!


A caper


Letting It Slide

Conrad happened to watch a short clip from "Forces TV" on Youtube, which was about how the RAF is learning lessons from what's going on in Ukraine in terms of aerial warfare.  Well, if they want a lesson they ought to pay Professor Justin Bronk and he'll illuminate and elucidate.  The channel did say that the Ukes have managed "Air Denial", before going on to show a Ruffian bomber interior, complete with crewman.  Art!


     You can tell it's Ruffian because of the Cyrillic wall panel and the Eighties electro-mechanical equipment on display.  Art!

Cyrillic, see?

     What hit Conrad immediately was the crewman using a SLIDE RULE.  Your Humble Scribe was one of the last generation of British school pupils to have to purchase one of these for Mathematics, because the electronic calculator was beginning to come into use.  They've been obsolete in the West for over forty years.  Art!


     Come back Robert Heinlein, all is forgiven.


Moschops

If you heard this word pronounced aloud, you might well be forgiven for thinking it referred to Edwardian muttonchop sideburns, which, if we can once more prod Art into sentience over -


     WRONG!

     It is, in fact, a species of therapsid.  That is, a reptile that evolved to acquire a few mammalian-like characteristics, you might call it a 'Dinosaur cow', thanks to it being a herbivore.  Art!


     Your chances of encountering one are 0%, sorry about that, as they died off about 250 million years ago.  O and the name is Greek for 'Calf Face'.  Conrad not sure about that.  I wonder what they tasted like?

     And no, Conrad has no idea why they just popped up in his head.


"City In The Sky"

Can an orbiting space-station be successfully de-orbited and landed on Earth without killing everybody on board?  The answer here is, hopefully, "Yes".

     ‘How’s it going’ he interrupted.

     Startled, the lady looked up at him.

     ‘Not bad.  A bit of delay until we mix up another batch of cyano-acrylate.  Overall up to fifty-nine percent.’

     Emilia caught sight of him and came across, threading her way between tables and staff.

     ‘Doctor!  I’m beginning to think this might actually succeed.  You didn’t persuade me before, but now I think you could be right.’  She checked a clipboard.  ‘One problem was going to be water in microgravity.  The lunarkrete takes care of the excess, so there won’t be a problem when we run down the fusion plant.’

     ‘No rotation and running on batteries,eh?’

     She shrugged.

     ‘It won’t be for long.’

     Just as he opened his mouth to explain exactly how long, his pocket radio buzzed.  Ace calling.

     ‘Yes, hello?’ he began.

     ‘Hi, Prof, we’ve got problems down here.  Our unwanted guests are putting up what Captain Kirwin swears is a missile launch platform.’

     Snapping his fingers and quoting a Gallifreyan vulgarism, the Doctor frowned mightily.  Ace described alien lizards that killed themselves thanks to getting wet or muddy, and he realised that the Lithoi were moving with desperate haste, racing to complete their missile platform before the ground had dried properly.  Perhaps “racing” wasn’t entirely accurate, given their sluggish metabolism.

     One rabbit pulled from hat now required, Doctor!


And Now Let The Venom Flow

There are 2,347 Comments in the BBC's "Have Your Say" about a recent ballfoot game between The City of Manchester and someone else I can't be bothered to find out about.  Let's have a little trickle of toxins.

Comment posted by Dostoyevsky, at 22:06 25 Apr

We love City. Leave the hate to the rest.

      Conrad is unsure why a dismally despondent downbeat Ruffian author is posting on a British ballfoot forum, but there it is.  "Eddie" is clearly not a fan.  He doesn't specify how or when or where TCOM cheat, probably because this would require facts and evidence and he's just running on pure 100% hatred at the moment.  Art!

     "Removed Comment" means that the BBC moderators have deleted a Comment that violated House Rules, quite probably for swearing.  Or threatening the other Commenter, or for creating a wax doll and skewering it with bodice pins, that sort of thing.  Art!

     "FFP" stands for "Financial Fair Play" NOT "Feeble Fouling Popinjay", and appears to be a set of financial rules put into place to prevent £££ from completely dominating the game.  Has it worked?  I have no idea and care less.  Just let the venom continue!


Finally -

Better go check on the laundry.



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