The Tale Of A Toxic Tincture

We Here At BOOJUM! Only Infrequently Toot Our Own Horn

One reason being that our stock-in-trades are items such as nuclear warheads, rigourous parsing of the Zombie Apocalypse and obscure military campaigns, and the mainstream media is unlikely to cross paths with these.  If they did, you can be sure Conrad would be looking at their contributions with a jaundiced eye, to make sure they got it right.

     As with today's themed news item on the BBC's News Website.  Art!

Halloween-appropriate

     Let me append the headline that the BBC worked into their item:

A handful of sweets is as synonymous with Halloween as a spooky costume or a ghoulish pumpkin. But on 31 October 1858, this normally harmless treat killed several children, causing panic across Bradford and a rapidly rising death toll. This is how a mix-up at a pharmacy, rooted in trying to save a few pennies on sugar, rocked Victorian Britain and changed UK laws.

     "Changed UK laws" - eventually.  It was considered a lot more important to allow enterpreneurs to make a buck rather than the public at large should keep their intestinal lining or lives.

     Conrad, whose imagination works on images rather than real life or prose, recognised this grim illustrationas one we'd used on the blog before.  You may recall that, a couple of years ago, we covered the interesting and deadly subject of food adulteration in Victorian times, where everyday comestibles were rendered deadly thanks to the addition of - well, not to put too fine a point upon it - poisons.

    Hence I am going to trans-mat the relevant item into this Intro, wholesale.

The Food Of The Dogs

No!  Not a typo or spelling mistake.  For yes, we are back on the odious un-commodious catering in the era of Toxic Tasties, where the health of you, the consumer, was considerably less important than the retailers and manufacturers making a profit.  Ah for the Victorian era!  Next up we have: Ferric Ferrocyanide in Chinese tea.  Art!

Guaranteed to make you lose weight!

     Conrad cannot find precisely why this poison was added to tea, but would pretty much expect that it was for colouration purposes or to (possibly) add a smoky tang to Lapsang Souchong, meaning you could avoid the time-consuming smoking process and just poison people instead.

     One tangential item I've come across is the "Bradford lozenge scandal", where hokey health-lozenges were due to be adulterated with plaster of Paris, which is not great for your intestinal regimen, but isn't incredibly toxic.  What the pills were adulterated with was instead arsenic: yes, that INCREDIBLY TOXIC POISONOUS substance.  21 people died, and the culprits got off scot-free.

     We've used this picture before with no context.  Well, now you know.

     Nowadays, thanks to our noble and conscientious politicians who strive to do right by us every second of their waking day, there is oodles of legislation in place that means you cannot vend about poisons as if they were cordials, nor block arsenic as if it were cheese.  Go on, eat that Halloween boiled sweet with confidence.  What?  O now you're worried that they might be concealing used hypodermic needles filled with Aids and Satanism?  Allow me to point you in the direction of Snopes.

How Marvell-ous!

You probably don't recognise that crack about poisons and cordials, which comes from a quotation by Jonathan Swift, arch-satirist of the seventeenth century.  If you want to be as amused and horrified as your introduction to Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, go read his "A Modest Proposal".

     ANYWAY I was earlier this morn reminded of another seventeenth century gentleman of letters, to wit: Andrew Marvell.  Art!

     Ol' Andy was an accomplished bloke, being variously a wit, poet, novelist, satirist, civil servant and Member of Parliament, for Hull.  Which meant he had to travel from home to Westminster when Parliament was in session, and vice versa, thus going to Hull and back.

     He was also what one might call a canny chap, a political survivor, or someone who knew where the bodies were buried, as he managed to survive the transition from monarchy to republic and back to monarchy again, serving Cromwell and not being fired, imprisoned or executed when Charles II took the throne.  Art!

     He has a College named after him, which is still an honour even if only a small one.  Interesting chap, we could write a whole blog about him, except that would be far too conventional and boring.  Instead we will -

How Marvels-ous!

 Or not.  Conrad, because he is a terrible person, has been consuming buckets of popcorn whilst reading about the trials and tribulations of some upcoming films to be released by Disney Studios.  One of a beleaguered brace is "The Marvels", which had a tortuous inception.  Where does one start?  Art!

     The first "Captain Marvel", starring the deeply unlikeable Brie Larson,coat-tailed it's way to a profit thanks to the Avengers films it sat between.  There was thus going to be a Captain Marvel 2, except for the small problem that nobody who worked with Cheesy in front of or behind the camera on the first film wanted anything to do with her ever again until the heat death of the Universe.

     Ooops.

     Plus, her character was widely disliked.  Actually, widely loathed.  In some quarters, hated so much they tormented voodoo dolls of her.  In fact there was so much negativity associated with her that "Captain Marvel 2" morphed into an ensemble film so she wouldn't have to carry the whole thing.  Art!

     Thus she's pairing up with Ms. Marvel, whom nobody's heard of and whom nobody watched, and Monicker Rambo, the stepsister of Dack, or something, who was a supporting character in a spin-off from the Avengers, and whom 

     WAKE UP!

     The film has been budgeted at $300 million, which is a colossal sum, and the suits seem to be having second feet and cold thoughts.  The length has been trimmed to 88 minutes, although this might not include a 10 minute end credit crawl.  Test audiences were happier with the less of it they saw.  Art!

     Yes, this is a legit poster for the film.  How to say "This film is squarely aimed a spinster cat-ladies" whilst not saying "This film is squarely aimed a spinster cat-ladies".  How much did a 'focus group' of 'subject matter experts' charge to come up with this?  Trailers for the film begin with Avengers footage from "Endgame", and continue with footage from "Endgame" and only half-way through does the Marvellous world of Cheesy blossom forth.  Conrad unsure how many cats are present in the trailer.

     Then there are the box office predictions.  Hollywood pays serious attention to how many tickets are being sold in advance, and for "The Marvels" the figures are depressingly low, projected to bring in $45 million on the opening weekend.  At first.  Then they were lowered.  Conrad counsels caution here, as predictive figures like this are notoriously fickle and they may wildly exceed - nah, who am i kidding, they're going to be dismal.  Don't forget, for a $300 million budget the global and domestic box office needs to clear circa $700 million TO BREAK EVEN.  Art!

     In yet another nod to those cold thoughts and second feet, a couple of weeks ago another extra scene was shot, including that blue-tinted chap above from X-Men, which will be added post-credits so that scads of extra cinema-goers will happily sit through - nah, who am I kidding, nobody's going to endure that.

     Finally - this Item is so long I could have made it an Intro, couldn't I? - Disney have refused any advance screenings of TM until the night before release.  This reminds me of defendants taking the Fifth Amendment in a South Canadian civil trial; the jury can and will assume they've been wicked.  Like so, a studio refusing to allow previews implies that it's a gigantic cinematic dog-dropping and they fear advance publicity will kill any future audience prospects.

     Roll on November 10th!  <tweaks moustache>

"City In The Sky"

In this chapter, more like 'Town on the Groun'.

     Mike pushed his dirty hat back and scratched his tanned forehead.

     ‘The horizon and the sea?  Just part of the landscape, mate.’

     Alex shook his head in fervent denial.

     ‘Not to me!  My landscape has been the inner surface of a sphere with a completely controlled environment.  No rain, no clouds, no wind, no weather.’

     Mike grinned.

     ‘Sounds ace, mate!  Just wait till we get a thunderstorm, then you’ll change your mind.’

    

     He led them back up the beach, in the footsteps of the departing fishermen.

     ‘Where do you wanna go first?  Don said show you around.  Lenny volunteered but he’s in charge of the highway team and had to ride out to ‘em.’

     Alex shrugged.

     ‘Begin with the nearest building and look at every single one after that?’

     His eager inquisitiveness was boundless and his questions incessant, and it took a good hour before Mike noticed that Doctor Smith had quietly vanished at some point of their township tour.   He shrugged; Don had only sent him to make sure these strangers didn’t get up to mischief and he couldn’t be in two places at once.

     Ah, Mike, you don't know what a trouble-magnet the Doctor is.

More Mystery Machinery

I need to finish with a short pithy item after that rather long one about Marvellous Miss Cheesy, so here's another MacGuffin from "The Daily Beast".  Art!

     Nothing to give a sense of scale, so I'm going to jump in with both feet and assert that it's a twenty-foot long explosive fence-post pile-driver.  And NO! I cannot simply look up what it is with a click - that would be cheating.

Finally -

Edna is whining again, because her belly is telling her that tea-time arrived half an hour ago.  I shall try and ignore her for the next ten minutes when it will be 16:00 by the clock and 17:00 by her stomach.

War-Winning Wonder Pipers

It'll All Make Sense In A Bit

Or, it won't.  One of the two.  For Lo! I am about to witter on about "Official History Of The War Military Operations Egypt And Palestine Volume I", which I have threatened you with already, so it's no good whining and looking petulant.

     There is no need to sit and suck your teeth, worrying that Conrad will describe in excruciating detail about how ' - the 1st Australian Light Horse and the 1/5th Sikhs forced the Grand Senussi from his base at the Siwa Oasis thanks to a turning movement -' with maps and pictures.  No.  What I want to detail in this Intro is a matter so very basic that you, sitting at home, never even contemplated it as a problem in the first place.  Art!

WATER!

     During the First Unpleasantness, there were campaigns in Western Egypt/Eastern Libya - the borders were extremely vaguely defined - which relied as much upon the availability of water as weapons or tactics.  Holding an oasis meant having access to water in unlimited amounts.  On the other hand, if you were mounting an expedition to tackle the rebellious Arabs, then you had to take your water with you.  Art!

     A camel loaded with 'fantasses' or very large tins of water, which would supply the British & Commonwealth columns out in the trackless wastes.  Camels were used for carrying cargo as they could cope with desert conditions far better than horses, and didn't need a period of acclimatation.  Art!

Prior owner's signature.  94 years old!

     You can see one salient feature of the desert here; utter blankness.  No Cities, towns, villages, rivers, forests, ports, harbours, bridges, dams or any other human architecture.  Very bleak.

     Then we have the Sinai Peninsula, a part of Egypt that ran up to the border with very Ottoman Palestine.  Egypt was supposedly Ottoman, too, except the Egyptians ignored this and behaved as if they were 1) independent of the Turks and 2) also a lot more civilised and urbane.  Art!

     This shows the enormity of the Sinai, with only one sizeable oasis, at Qatiya (see below).  The Turks, when they mounted their attacks against the Suez Canal, chose to attack in winter, which meant cool temperatures - and lots and lots of precipitation.  Thus no problems with water supplies.  By the time the British came around to make their move in the following summer, the temperature at noon could occasionally reach 50º, which jolly well indicated that water supplies would be crucial.  

     This is where the pipes come in.  The British laid a 6" pipe alongside the railway from the Canal to their forward positions, carrying potable water.  Demand became such that this had to be superceded by a 12" pipe*.  This meant drinking water on tap, rather than having to rely on local wells or camel convoys.  Local wells frequently became fouled with rotting vegetation, which meant time-consuming cleaning before they could be used again, and convoys were always susceptible to delays thanks to weather or enemy action.

     To supplement supplies, a desalination plant was constructed on the coast at Mahamadiyah, which hit enough teething troubles to delay water production until the British advance began, when it became something of a wasting asset.

     Lest you be unaware how important water is during desert warfare, the British captured a Turkish rear-guard of 1,600 soldiers when they advanced on Wellington Ridge at the fag-end of the Battle of Romani.  Resistance collapsed in part because the defenders had long run out of water, with no prospect of getting any more until or unless they became prisoners of war.  Art!

     Conrad is pretttty sure anyone campaigning in This Sceptred Isle would never need worry about the provision of water.

Conrad Is ANGRY!

Just in case there was any doubt.  For Your Information, I have been doing the Puzzler magazine Codewords rather then the Manchester Evening News version, yet they still attempt to push boundaries.  Will being vapourised remotely into radioactive vapours ever teach them?

"BIRETTA": Ah, now, you were thinking of "BERETTA", weren't you?  You know, that underpowered automatic pistol that 007 has to be - er - persuaded to render up in favour of a Walther PPK ("Pistole Polizei Kriminale").  He probably liked it because it didn't spoil the cut of his suit, th

    ANYWAY that's not it at all.  Conrad's not entirely sure what one is, so  I shall have recourse to the Collins Concise. "Roman Catholic; a stiff square clerical hat".  Art!

"ORGANZA": Hmmm I doubt this is to do with either the individual bits that go to make up your insides, nor the church instrument as big as a wall and as loud as a 747 taking off.  Perhaps it's the secret codeword that Little Timmy whispers to transform into Major Malfeasance, before he robs a bank?  Hang on - "A thin stiff fabric".

     That's it?  Real life you are boring!  Art?

Little Timmy/Major Malfeasance, wearing an organza cape

"SKUA":  Yes yes yes, I know this one even if you don't.  Only thanks to being up on my obscure Fleet Air Arm aircraft of the Second Unpleasantness, which, if Art will accomodate - 

     Named after the bird, which is a "Predatory aquatic gull-like bird having dark plumage and a long tail".

     Conrad is only angry on your behalf, gentle reader - how on earth can mere mortals like you be expected to be up on this kind of gen?

"City In The Sky"

You, gentle reader, are hopefully not being beaten about the head with infodumps about how the coastal Australian communities managed to survive the Big Crash and even thrive, after a fashion.

‘Could I travel on one of those?’ he asked wistfully.

     ‘Unwise at present!’ cautioned the Doctor.  ‘Let’s get you used to a distant horizon and a flat landscape first.  Whilst you may have read about ships, you certainly haven’t sailed on one, and being sea-sick is very unpleasant.’

     Finished with their off-loading, dozens of fishermen began to amble up the beach, looking at both travellers with undisguised curiosity.

     ‘A final word of warning, Alex.  Don’t disagree with any claims about mystery laser satellites, or mention aliens.  Most especially don’t mention aliens.’

     When the fishermen came level with Alex and the Doctor, another person came shuffling up behind them.  When they turned, a tall, wiry individual wearing battered clothing, shoes made from car tyres and a slouch hat discoloured with dirt and sweat had arrived.

     ‘Afternoon.  Name’s Mike, Mike Velic, Deputy Mayor.  Don – er, Mayor Kenneally, that is, asked me to catch up with you.  You come visting from the Stars?’ he explained, looking them over with shrewd eyes.

     ‘Alex has.  I’m more of a passer-by.’

     ‘You bet!  This is incredible – seeing Earth up close.   The smells, the horizon, the sounds – I’ve never heard the sea before, or been close to a live horse, and I want to go on one of those ships -’

    Perspective, hmmmm?

O Go On Then

More tantalising tat from "The Daily Beast" and their advertising sidebars.  Art!

     They declare "Price Drop" yet don't tell you what the price was or is.  Colour Conrad cynical.  Okay, okay, item 1 is plainly Tiling-on-a-roll.  Item 4 is a doll's house, probably one for grown-ups.  The other two I am plainly baffled at.  What on earth would you need a toe-separator for?  As for the mechanical blue gimmick - updated medieval torture device that also grades wool?

We've Not Had One Of These For A While

By which I mean a cover from "Popular Mechanics", as we used to both illustrate and mock their ideas of what the future would look like, which is a tad harsh considering the issues we laughed at were from the Thirties to the Fifties.  Art!

     This contraption is rather a puzzle and at first I thought it was an amphibious plane that could also drive on dry land thanks to the extra wheels - until I realised which direction those exhaust fumes were pointing.

     It's a variety of high-speed lighter, driven by a propeller at the rear and capable of rapid acceleration.  Those 'wheels' are actually depth-charges, which makes me wonder how they got them fused to explode at a particular depth.  So, gaze upon the white heat of technology as it was imagined in 1943!

Finally -

Edna is whimpering thanks to being faint with hunger, as her stomach is an hour ahead of the rest of the world.  I shall attempt to fend her off until 16:00, the poor lamb.

*  Carrying about 5 gallons per foot of pipe when completely filled.

A Horrid Surprise

No, HMRC Has Not Just Explained That I Owe Them £5,388,927.13

That really would be a surprise, given that Your Humble Scribe faithfully pays his taxes.  This is yet another reason why South Canadians regard This Sceptred Isle with a certain fond and wistful regard; there is no need for us to work out hideously complex income tax forms th

     ANYWAY enough drivel about taxes.  Let us lead with - Art!

ATOMIC-POWERED TANK!

     Just to flush the taste of taxation off your tongue and out of your mouth.  The thing about a tank with an atomic power plant is that you'd be very loth to destroy it on your own territory, as a fuming fallout-generating blazing hulk could well contaminate hundreds of square miles of terrain for decades and res

     ANYWAY this particular surprise has come from left field and taken Conrad entirely by startlement, for a couple of reasons.  Art!

     It's a computer game, which Conrad has long avoided as they simply eat up your entire evening until the small hours and leave you with four hours sleep until you have to get up for work.  The genesis came from the designer, Scott, inadvertently creating characters that were creepy and scary in a game intended for small shildren.

     So he deliberately designed characters that tended to the side of nightmarish.  They populate a restaurant that the player, as a night watchman, has to survive until daylight.  Art!

     Animatronics, you see.  As horripilatory as clowns out of context, because these particular children's entertainment become active after dark when their catering venue closes for the night.  It's an old trope; the inanimate becoming animate when it ought never to.  "Killdozer" is a prime example, and that episode of "The Goodies" with the excavators tracking Graeme, and "Maximum Overdrive", too.
     ANYWAY the game has been around since 2014, spawning lots of sequels and a board game (meaning It Has Truly Arrived!) and now -

     A film.  Art!

Nope.  Drive right on by.

     Thanks to Ryan Kinel and his Youtube vlog for providing up-to-date figures for the film, as Box Office Mojo hasn't updated them from 27th October.  To date it has raked in $78 million at the domestic (South Canadian) box office, which is pretty spiffy, in addition to the global box office take, which boosts it to $138 million.  This is the 3rd biggest horror film opening gross of all time, which is a statistic to whistle at and where today's title comes from as it certainly took film reviewers by the neck and gave them a good throttling.  Art!

Altogether now - "THEY'RE BEHIND YOU!"

     What makes things even more interesting for the bean counters is that the budget was only $20 million, to which you can add perhaps $5 million for distribution and promotion.  The rule of thumb for box office is that the studio gets back 50%, so they've made almost $70 million over their first weekend.  That's the thing about a relatively low budget film; the studio suits keep their hands off and don't meddle because there's not a lot riding on it, so it doesn't end up getting produced by a committee with all the originality and vim blanded out.  Art!

     The critics at Rotten Tomatoes disliked it immensely, whereas the fans are highly delighted with it, and they're the ones paying to see it.  Even though it's also out on Peacock's streaming service.
     With these figures, Conrad can GUARANTEE there will be at least one sequel.

     We shall see what kind of legs it has.  Also, in under 2 weeks time, "The Marvels" is being released.  This is - actually I could write another Intro about it, so we'll call it a halt right there for today.

Moderating One's Cruelty

Conrad, as ever, is busy slaving away over a hot keyboard in his Sekrit Layr, which means that Edna by default is up here, too.  There's also the Codewords and crosswords to be completed, and "Official History of the Great War Military Operations Egypt and Palestine" to read and Kahn to annotate, which would be awkward to shift downstairs.  Art!

     Better than the cold cruel carpet.

Conrad Contemplates Conundrums

I think Anti-Wordle is harder than Wordle, probably because of the logical inversion and trying to avoid getting things correct.  Arrt!

     Not too shabby.  One day I'll beat it and then you'll be sorry.

"City In The Sky"

Bucolic and low-tec New Eucla might be, naive they are not, and a pair of wary eyeballs is en route to watch the Doctor and Alex.

‘I want you to remember this feeling, Alex.  If I were a bit colder, I’d explain about “paradigm shifts”.  Instead I want you to remember how you felt at this point when the townspeople of New Eucla come face-to-face with an equally unsettling experience.’

     The words went in, but Alex didn’t really understand what was meant at that moment.  Levering himself up on one elbow, he turned sharply to try and find what invisible fingers were stirring his locks.

     ‘That’s “wind”,’ explained his companion, grinning, all the solemnity of his previous announcement gone.  ‘Along with “weather”, it’s something new to get accustomed to.’

     The sombre expression returned.

     ‘You’re quite right about the so-called “death-sats”.  Sheer nonsense.  My first suspicion is that our mystery aliens are trying to restrict any technological advancement along this coastal area.  My second – actually I think I’ll leave that unspoken as yet.’

     Six large fishing boats had earlier been run up the beach on wheeled wooden cradles that were now propped with rocks, and their crews were unloading nets, reels, ropes and buoys, having already sent their fish cargoes inland to the gutting and smoking sheds.  Alex watched their easy, practiced operation, interspersed with laughs and casual curses.

     I forget if he's wearing sunblock at this point.  The ozone layer has very probably recovered by this point but it doesn't do to take chances.

O My Goodness!  What's This?

A large dose of schadenfreude, that's what.  Art!

     'Erling Haaland' sounds like an island in the Frisian chain, prone to flooding in bad winters, principal produce dairy products and Air b'n'b for Continental tourists.  Given the context we must assume he is a ballfoot player.  Let me point out that the small icon at lower starboard indicates that a Commentary has been opened, so I'm going to go take a look.  Art!

SCHADENFREUDE ALERT!

     Over 2,000 Comments so far.  Allow me to put up a typical one.

• Celts

  17:35

  to they dont like it up em

  Celts replied:

  "United are yet to win a Premier League or Champions League match by more than a one goal margin this season.
  
  Every win they have has been narrow and scrappy. They’re a poor team and their position in the league table actually compliments them.
  
  City will prove that to the world in a convincing victory!"
  
  That was my comment on the pre-match preview and I was 100% correct.

     Most of them are gloasting like this.  Bring on the popcorn! - if there's any left over after reading all those Youtube posts about Darth Marmalade.

Finally -

Better go downstairs and check on the laundry - O my rock 'n' roll lifestyle - and get some baked sandwiches on the go, not to mention bookmarking the following - Art!

     They announced a list of nuclear missiles to be documented that we've been covering here on the blog of late, with the addition of "Rascal" which I'm not familiar with.

Conrad The Cruel

It's Pronounced "Crooo-elll"

Because I am.  Yes yes yes, we knew that already, what I meant to say was crueller than usual, and - I am taking my life in my hands here - with regards to Edna.

     Yes, the badorable pup.  You see, today is when the clocks go back, and Your Humble Scribe was sitting trying to puzzle out a Codeword, only to be distracted by Edna's consistent whimpering.  Only at 16:30 did I realise that the clocks said 16:30, but to Edna's stomach it was already 17:30 and she was hungry.

     Ooops.

     I did manage to solve the Codeword, for those who are interested.  Art - clickbait picture please!

     Conrad's pretttty sure none of these three are especially tiny, so this must be the discipline regimen of the School Mistress looking after her sanity-free pupils.  Quite an ingenious engine of torment, don't you think? and possibly not one that ever existed in real life, since 'Human Plaiting Machine' on Google yields no results.  It's not clear if this is a scene from the 'Mystery-Terror Novel' or if the artist made it up all on his lonesome.  Conrad unsure which is the more unsettling.

     ANYWAY on with the links.

2022

BOOJUM!: O Delicious Schadenfreude! (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

BOOJUM!: Dog Buns, Geography King! (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2021

BOOJUM!: Rich In Ditch! (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2020

BOOJUM!: Slow Traffic Day (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2019

BOOJUM!: A Battlefield - (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2018

BOOJUM!: Apocalypse Cow (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2017

BOOJUM!: Starbuck Rogers (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

BOOJUM!: Tim Hortons Hears A Who (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2016

BOOJUM!: A Funny Thing Happened - (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2015

BOOJUM!: What's Wordsworth? (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2014

BOOJUM!: The Naked Rambler (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2013

BOOJUM!: Aha! Today's Theme - Doctor Who (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

Bricking It

I'm Making This Up As I Go Along

So there's no telling how long, or short, this Intro will be, in which case I hope you've got a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits to hand.  Rich Tea or Digestives are the best, I find.

     ANYWAY this Intro will be nothing less than a sustained wallow in Schadenfreude, because 1) it doesn't cost anything, 2) it has nil calorific value, and 3) Conrad is quite, quite wicked.  Art!

     No, this has nothing to do with the rest of anything, I just thought it was pretty cool in terms of design, even if it seems a bit skinny for an nucl

     ANYWAY you may have become aware of late over these past few months, that the Disney studios are making a new live-action 'Snow White' film.  To quote the immortal Douglas Banks, "This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move".  And how.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  Firstly, it's being done for <shudder> 'modern audiences' and secondly the lead actress, Rachel Zegler.  Art!

     'Zegler', you may be interested to hear, is Teuton for 'Bricklayer', except Rachel has been mostly throwing verbal bricks around.  SW might turn out to be the best film in the history of humanity, but you'd never guess it from her quotations.  First of all, she dismissed the 1937 animated classic as being old.

     Yes, dear, because it's based on a Grimm's fairy tale that's TWO HUNDRED YEARS OLD.  She also seems to be curiously unaware that Dog Buns! there have been other live-action films of the Snow White story.  Art!

Looks grim to me!

I see Julia Goberts is now getting the older roles

     Before the actor's strike she was swanning about on publicity shoots declaring that Snow White wasn't going to be rescued by the Prince, and in fact she might get the Prince's role edited out entirely, and Snow White was going to be the leader that her father knew she could be -

     Ah!  I understand.  They hired the screenwriters who are responsible for "U-57", which was a fantasy film pretending to be real, whereas this one is a real film pretending to be a fantasy.  It all becomes clear.  I think.  The connection with the Grimm's Brothers fairy tales seems vanishingly remote.  Art!

     It was put about at one point that these were the Seven No-Longer Vertically-Challenged Mining Specialists, because modern audiences can't be traumatised by dwarves, except they now turn out to be the Seven Bandits.

     Excuse me?  I don't recall these from Grimm <recites "Remember, 'U-57, U-57">.  O and then Disney released a publicity shot.  Art!

     O so now there are dwarves?  Let me see - onetwothreefourfivesixseven.  Yup.  Seven dwarves.  Done with CGI, because - er - because <"U-57, U-57"> just because.
     The fun and giggles don't stop there, gentle reader.  Test screenings of the film were universally badly received, so - It's Re-Shoot Time!  Yes, re-shoots, always a splendid way to inflate a budget enormously.  The whole farrago is looking at an estimated budget of $300 million before publicity and marketing gets spent.

     But we're still not done!  Rachel is having to keep her flapping piehole shut during the actor's strike, which she doubtless feels is a cruel and unusual punishment, and which the studio feels is a welcome relief.  Disney does seem to be getting cold feet about the film, both in terms of it's quality (or lack of) and how poorly received it's been so far.  Quoting the actor's strike and deadlines and the pistachio harvest in Novi Pazar, they have now pushed the release date of SW back to 2025, at least 15 months away.  Ooops.  Art!

I found another one!

     Conrad, ever the cynic, wonders if it will be quietly shelved next year and go straight to Disney+, their streaming service, in 2025 in order to save at least $100 million in marketing and publicity it would require.  Her two previous starring roles were in commercial turkeys "West Side Story" and "Shazam 2", and she's got another unpromising forthcoming release "Hunger Game Generic Prequel" soon.  Casting Directors in Hollywood might be editing her details out of their Rolodex's soon.  Art!

Look!  I found a Sinister version!

     Okay, that's enough slander and mockery for an Intro, time to move on.

"The War Illustrated"

I promise not to go over sound ranging methodology and practice, at least not in this blog.  Instead it's back to that montage of early May 1944 to decrypt exactly what you - and the audiences of 79 years ago - were looking at.  Art!

     What you're looking at here is the ongoing struggle for the Monte Cassino position, an unlovely attritional slog where extremely well dug-in and determined Teutons encountered enormous Allied firepower and equally determiend infantry.  The ruins of Cervaro are in the foreground, Monte Trocchio to port and Monastery Hill in starboard distance.  The nature of the fighting here meant that, unless a front line collapsed, villages and towns were flattened.

   RAF aircrew practice baling-out into an emergency dinghy, with a radio mast.  No, they're not practicing at sea or on a river or lake; this is their aerodrome after torrential Italian spring rains.  Given that there are five crew, and the shape of the aircraft in the background, they may be from a Wellington.

Harper's Ferry Agin

No! It's not a typo, it's South Canadian slang!

     Back to the skirmish game that Richard put on last week for a second test run.  The scenery on board was exactly as the Arsenal at Harper's Ferry appeared.  Art!

     Here you see Conrad's stalwarts in the Paymaster's Building chase off and fatally injure one of the Militia who had come to try and release hostages.  Only after several moves had elapsed; shooting accurately and hitting people at short range in violent skirmishes is a lot easier said than done.  Muskets and rifles are unwieldy in close quarters, and the 'Maynard' pistols my rebels were armed with didn't pack much of a punch.  Art!

"City In The Sky"

The Doctor is escorting young Alex to the seashore, a novel experience for the mechanic, raised aboard a space station.

Before, seeing a landscape that expanded outwards to the horizon had affected his eyes, normally used to a half-kilometre perspective.  Now, seeing the endlessly roiling surf and recognising that mysterious low booming sound for what it was - breakers impacting the shoreline, his knees gave way and he sat on the warm sand.  This landscape did not dip into unseen hollows, or slope upwards to low peaks.  No, this landscape – the sea – ran flat all the way to an infinitely distant horizon, and for the first time Alex began to realise his understanding of distance and perspective had changed.  The sea didn’t stay static, or simply ripple as the ponds on Arc One did.  It moved backwards and forward, with incredible patterns of light dancing and flitting everywhere, it rose and fell, never repeating the same pattern twice.  A strange scent tingled his nostrils, and that invisible person tugged at his hair again.

     ‘It’s beautiful,’ he whispered, eyes moist with unshed tears.  ‘And scary at the same time.’  He looked at the Doctor and had to clear a lump in his throat before carrying on.  ‘Thank you for bringing me.’

     Eyes with centuries of experience looked down at him.

     Shame he didn't have a bucket and spade, hmmm?

Finally -

I will get around to boring you about my Official History of the Great War in Egypt and Palestine, which also dipped briefly into the Sudan, probably quite soon.  In the meantime I have FINALLY realised that there are 3 text volumes, a Volume 1 and a Volume 2 that comes in 2 parts.  Also, the mapset I have is for Volume 2, which explains why I couldn't find any of the Western Desert maps.  This is a bit worrying as said Volume 1 mapset will cost LOTS AND LOTS! of money, just when I'm trying not to spend.  You can bet I'm going to go check out Abebooks and Turner & Donovan after this post.  Art!

     And with that we are done.  Done!