Eager Beaver Fever

Just To Be Clear -

Today's blog does not involve beavers, nor general pyrexia, nor indeed mange-stricken beavers.  That title is a metaphor for Your Humble Scribe, who  had thought up the bare bones for an Intro, and was already preparing various witticisms and <thinks> woebegones when reality intervened, as it frequently does, the Dog Buns! piker that it is.  Art!

     This, lest you be unaware, is the Jupiter Medium-Range Ballistic Missile, which appears to be the centre of a rather lethal flower.  In fact that's the external shelter that allowed technicians to service the Jupiter even in bad weather, because everyone knows technicians are made of spun glass and will disso

     ANYWAY the Jupiter was a victim of politics, spite and empire-building between the South Canadian Army, Air Force and Navy. At times the rancour and outright hatred between these services made onlookers wonder who the real enemy was: each other, or the Sinister Union?  Art!

Jupiter with 'skirt'

     The Army, you see, conceptualised nuclear missiles as merely a longer-range and (vastly) more powerful form of artillery, which meant being able to accurately hit the enemy's point targets such as vehicle parks, marshalling yards, airfields, ammunition dumps, hardened headquarters and the ilk.  Art!

Sinister HQ, in need of a little external heating

     The Air Force, which coveted control over all variants of the Big Bang Bombs, slandered the Army's plans as being tantamount to a precursor to all-out strategic thermonuclear war, because nobody on the receiving end could be sure what these missiles were aimed at.  They also had their own competing missile design, the Atlas, in development, and hated the thought that the Army might get the Jupiter deployed first, because everyone knows that air-force generals have egos made of spun sugar that shatt

"It Can't Be Mobile"

     ANYWAY the Secretary of Defence finally told the children to stop squabbling, and gave Jupiter to the Air Force, who promptly turned it from a mobile, roving missile able to seek out targets on a wide front, to a static installation that COULD ONLY BE MANNED BY THE AIR FORCE.

     What of the Navy?  O I thought you'd never ask!  The Navy was, reluctantly, interested in the Jupiter when in the design phase, because it was thought only a missile of this type, with dangerous volatile liquid fuels, had the heft to get a large warhead onto target.  Art!

Until .....

     Enter Polaris.  You can see the heritage of the Navy's criteria for a nuclear missile in the relatively compact size of Jupiter, since it would originally have had to fit in a submarine.  When Polaris came along it used solid fuel, making it far safer for use, and it was a lot smaller than Jupiter, a critical factor in not designing ballistic missile subs the size of the Empire State Building.  So the Navy dropped out of the Jupiter project early on.

     One of the lesser-known facts about Jupiter is that they were deployed in Turkey, because of their comparatively short range, in order to be able to hit the Sinisters.  Predictably, the Sinisters were not happy about this.  In fact, this deployment was in part responsible for - O it's on the tip of my tongue - can't quite bring it to mind - nearly there - 

O  yes

     What I had intended to cover in this Intro was how a clutch of nuclear-armed ballistic missiles made a successful transition into launch vehicles for the Mercury and Gemini astronauts.  What a sense of achievement they must have felt, sitting atop hundreds of tons of dangerously volatile fuels!  This would have been on the theme of 'Swords Into Ploughshares" yet it was not to be.  Perhaps tomorrow.

Bring On TANK!

Yes, let us wheel on Nicholas Moran, a.k.a. 'The Chieftain', who has a day job working for World Of Tanks, the lucky piker.  Art!

Previous day job

     So when he makes an assertion about a tank in the cinema, he knows whereof he speaks.  Art!

     I have a feeling this will not go well.  Conrad has not seen this particular flick and sees no reason to remedy this deficiency.  Bring on the clips.  Art!

     The eternal duel: tank versus helicopter.  Rambo is the sole occupant of the tank, being driver, commander and gunner all in one compact package - are you paying attention Ruffian tank commanders? because this is how it's done.  Art!

Pay that stunt pilot more money!

     As Nick points out, the Mi-24 mock-up here mounts lots of rockets and missiles, so of course - obviously! - it doesn't stand off a kilometre away and hit Rambo's ride with four anti-tank missiles one after the other, because, you know, that wouldn't be sporting, old chap.  Art!

RAMBO RAMS!

     "It has a tank, so I'll give it a '1'," states Nick, caustically.  And the studio can consider that they got off lightly.

Thanks For The Content

If "The Daily Beast" isn't flogging the monarchy of Perfidious Albion for page-views, then they're promoting an endless parade of tat, and today is no exception.  Art!

     Notice the absence of any price tags.  The 'Johnny Five' robot appears to be a kit, which will doubtless set you back a small mortgage, because everyone wants to live twenty years in the past, don't they?  The galaxy-in-a-globe is pretty cool, though.  Hmmmm wonder how much it costs?

     What on earth that collection at extreme port is I cannot even guess.  Time for the next item, I feel.

"City In The Sky"

Our intrepid trio have encountered the first example of civilisation on Earth post-Big Crash.

     Unfortunately for them it's a rather hostile-looking policeman.

When the horse halted, the rider dismounted and jumped down in an easy movement, staying close to the holstered gun, looking at them with sharp, suspicious eyes.  He was a big man, with a ruddy complexion and scars across his knuckles.

     ‘Hello!’ smiled the Doctor, tipping his hat.  Ace tried a sarcastic curtsey.  Alex stared, first at the man, then at the horse.

     ‘A horse!’ he whispered, too quietly for anyone else to hear.  He’d seen film and pictures, of course, and knew about the embryo bank.  None of that prepared him for the sweating bulk of the creature, the whickering noises it made, the echoing clop of it’s hooves.

     ‘Don’t give me “hullo”, you scrawny bludger!’ scowled the man.  His accent sounded just like Ace expected, with the vocabulary to boot.  ‘What have you been stealing?’  he asked, before interrupting the Doctor again.  ‘Don’t lie, I found that cupboard you’ve got your stash hidden in.’

     An uncontrollable snigger found it’s way to Ace’s lips.  She knew what Barry McKenzie here meant.

     ‘I think you’ve mistaken us for – ah – common criminals,’ began the Doctor.  ‘We’ve come down from the arcologies in orbit.  Arcology One, actually.’

     The blue-clad man sneered, totally unimpressed.

     Yeah, that's earth-bound cops for you.

Whatever Happened To -?

Conrad has watched a few videos put out by 'ZMZreloaded' on Youtube which concentrate exclusively upon zombies, until I noticed a curious omission.  Art!

     This is the title home page, and allow me to dish up a closer look at the most recent product here.  Art!

     From 3 years ago?  That's the most recent vlog posted and as you can see, very popular.  Conrad did encounter, briefly, a vlog from years ago where ZMZ admitted that he'd deserved to be sent to prison for 'felonious assault' (what!) and I wonder if this is the overspill or aftermath of such sentence?

     It calls for a little more digging to find out the truth, said Conrad, getting his spade.

Finally -

Conrad was chuffed last night: I had put a couple of 2000AD trade paperbacks to one side, and "The Small House" turned out to be one I'd bought months ago - possibly even last year - and not read.  Must have been stuck under a pile of other trade paperbacks.  Art!

     Of course - obviously! - reading it now means I have to buy the volume before this to make sense of the backstory <wallet squeaks in anguish>.

     Fare thee well!