War-Winning Wonder Pipers

It'll All Make Sense In A Bit

Or, it won't.  One of the two.  For Lo! I am about to witter on about "Official History Of The War Military Operations Egypt And Palestine Volume I", which I have threatened you with already, so it's no good whining and looking petulant.

     There is no need to sit and suck your teeth, worrying that Conrad will describe in excruciating detail about how ' - the 1st Australian Light Horse and the 1/5th Sikhs forced the Grand Senussi from his base at the Siwa Oasis thanks to a turning movement -' with maps and pictures.  No.  What I want to detail in this Intro is a matter so very basic that you, sitting at home, never even contemplated it as a problem in the first place.  Art!

WATER!

     During the First Unpleasantness, there were campaigns in Western Egypt/Eastern Libya - the borders were extremely vaguely defined - which relied as much upon the availability of water as weapons or tactics.  Holding an oasis meant having access to water in unlimited amounts.  On the other hand, if you were mounting an expedition to tackle the rebellious Arabs, then you had to take your water with you.  Art!

     A camel loaded with 'fantasses' or very large tins of water, which would supply the British & Commonwealth columns out in the trackless wastes.  Camels were used for carrying cargo as they could cope with desert conditions far better than horses, and didn't need a period of acclimatation.  Art!

Prior owner's signature.  94 years old!

     You can see one salient feature of the desert here; utter blankness.  No Cities, towns, villages, rivers, forests, ports, harbours, bridges, dams or any other human architecture.  Very bleak.

     Then we have the Sinai Peninsula, a part of Egypt that ran up to the border with very Ottoman Palestine.  Egypt was supposedly Ottoman, too, except the Egyptians ignored this and behaved as if they were 1) independent of the Turks and 2) also a lot more civilised and urbane.  Art!

     This shows the enormity of the Sinai, with only one sizeable oasis, at Qatiya (see below).  The Turks, when they mounted their attacks against the Suez Canal, chose to attack in winter, which meant cool temperatures - and lots and lots of precipitation.  Thus no problems with water supplies.  By the time the British came around to make their move in the following summer, the temperature at noon could occasionally reach 50º, which jolly well indicated that water supplies would be crucial.  

     This is where the pipes come in.  The British laid a 6" pipe alongside the railway from the Canal to their forward positions, carrying potable water.  Demand became such that this had to be superceded by a 12" pipe*.  This meant drinking water on tap, rather than having to rely on local wells or camel convoys.  Local wells frequently became fouled with rotting vegetation, which meant time-consuming cleaning before they could be used again, and convoys were always susceptible to delays thanks to weather or enemy action.

     To supplement supplies, a desalination plant was constructed on the coast at Mahamadiyah, which hit enough teething troubles to delay water production until the British advance began, when it became something of a wasting asset.

     Lest you be unaware how important water is during desert warfare, the British captured a Turkish rear-guard of 1,600 soldiers when they advanced on Wellington Ridge at the fag-end of the Battle of Romani.  Resistance collapsed in part because the defenders had long run out of water, with no prospect of getting any more until or unless they became prisoners of war.  Art!

     Conrad is pretttty sure anyone campaigning in This Sceptred Isle would never need worry about the provision of water.

Conrad Is ANGRY!

Just in case there was any doubt.  For Your Information, I have been doing the Puzzler magazine Codewords rather then the Manchester Evening News version, yet they still attempt to push boundaries.  Will being vapourised remotely into radioactive vapours ever teach them?

"BIRETTA": Ah, now, you were thinking of "BERETTA", weren't you?  You know, that underpowered automatic pistol that 007 has to be - er - persuaded to render up in favour of a Walther PPK ("Pistole Polizei Kriminale").  He probably liked it because it didn't spoil the cut of his suit, th

    ANYWAY that's not it at all.  Conrad's not entirely sure what one is, so  I shall have recourse to the Collins Concise. "Roman Catholic; a stiff square clerical hat".  Art!

"ORGANZA": Hmmm I doubt this is to do with either the individual bits that go to make up your insides, nor the church instrument as big as a wall and as loud as a 747 taking off.  Perhaps it's the secret codeword that Little Timmy whispers to transform into Major Malfeasance, before he robs a bank?  Hang on - "A thin stiff fabric".

     That's it?  Real life you are boring!  Art?

Little Timmy/Major Malfeasance, wearing an organza cape

"SKUA":  Yes yes yes, I know this one even if you don't.  Only thanks to being up on my obscure Fleet Air Arm aircraft of the Second Unpleasantness, which, if Art will accomodate - 

     Named after the bird, which is a "Predatory aquatic gull-like bird having dark plumage and a long tail".

     Conrad is only angry on your behalf, gentle reader - how on earth can mere mortals like you be expected to be up on this kind of gen?

"City In The Sky"

You, gentle reader, are hopefully not being beaten about the head with infodumps about how the coastal Australian communities managed to survive the Big Crash and even thrive, after a fashion.

‘Could I travel on one of those?’ he asked wistfully.

     ‘Unwise at present!’ cautioned the Doctor.  ‘Let’s get you used to a distant horizon and a flat landscape first.  Whilst you may have read about ships, you certainly haven’t sailed on one, and being sea-sick is very unpleasant.’

     Finished with their off-loading, dozens of fishermen began to amble up the beach, looking at both travellers with undisguised curiosity.

     ‘A final word of warning, Alex.  Don’t disagree with any claims about mystery laser satellites, or mention aliens.  Most especially don’t mention aliens.’

     When the fishermen came level with Alex and the Doctor, another person came shuffling up behind them.  When they turned, a tall, wiry individual wearing battered clothing, shoes made from car tyres and a slouch hat discoloured with dirt and sweat had arrived.

     ‘Afternoon.  Name’s Mike, Mike Velic, Deputy Mayor.  Don – er, Mayor Kenneally, that is, asked me to catch up with you.  You come visting from the Stars?’ he explained, looking them over with shrewd eyes.

     ‘Alex has.  I’m more of a passer-by.’

     ‘You bet!  This is incredible – seeing Earth up close.   The smells, the horizon, the sounds – I’ve never heard the sea before, or been close to a live horse, and I want to go on one of those ships -’

    Perspective, hmmmm?

O Go On Then

More tantalising tat from "The Daily Beast" and their advertising sidebars.  Art!

     They declare "Price Drop" yet don't tell you what the price was or is.  Colour Conrad cynical.  Okay, okay, item 1 is plainly Tiling-on-a-roll.  Item 4 is a doll's house, probably one for grown-ups.  The other two I am plainly baffled at.  What on earth would you need a toe-separator for?  As for the mechanical blue gimmick - updated medieval torture device that also grades wool?

We've Not Had One Of These For A While

By which I mean a cover from "Popular Mechanics", as we used to both illustrate and mock their ideas of what the future would look like, which is a tad harsh considering the issues we laughed at were from the Thirties to the Fifties.  Art!

     This contraption is rather a puzzle and at first I thought it was an amphibious plane that could also drive on dry land thanks to the extra wheels - until I realised which direction those exhaust fumes were pointing.

     It's a variety of high-speed lighter, driven by a propeller at the rear and capable of rapid acceleration.  Those 'wheels' are actually depth-charges, which makes me wonder how they got them fused to explode at a particular depth.  So, gaze upon the white heat of technology as it was imagined in 1943!

Finally -

Edna is whimpering thanks to being faint with hunger, as her stomach is an hour ahead of the rest of the world.  I shall attempt to fend her off until 16:00, the poor lamb.

*  Carrying about 5 gallons per foot of pipe when completely filled.