LOTHER

I Know What You're Thinking

NO!  I keep telling you, I returned D.A.R.P.A.'s Telepathy Helmet prototype years ago, it was only a <crosses fingers> 'long-term borrow' as they say.

     No, the reason I know what you're thinking is that 1) Conrad's thought processes are dark and mysterious, even to himself, so 2) quite what he means at any given moment has a substantial true/false/gibberish gestalt about it.

     So, what you're thinking is "What on earth is the gin-sodden old hack on about now?"

     Pausing only to point out that 'old' is a hugely subjective judgement issue, I shall explicate.  Art!

Conrad suspects those are a .303 and a .50 calibre Vickers

     Yes, it does look vaguely offensive - in the moral sense, of course it's offensive, it's a Dog Buns tank!

     So, you are wondering if today's title is a mis-spelling, or an alternative spelling, of "LUTHER", you know, because of both Martin and Lex.  Art!

     I presume, hugely, that you don't need to be told whom is whom?  Excellent!

     Also, completely on the wrong track.  Nope, nothing to do with either man.

     'Well, then,' I hear you dubiously retort.  'Variant spelling of "LOTHAIR"?  The Teutonic name?"

     There's an interesting story to go with LOTHAIR.  Lothair II was king of his kingdom of Lotharingia, married to Queen Teutberga, who seems to have either given or taken her name from the Teutoberger Wald (forest to you and I),  and was the daughter of <ahem> 'Boso The Elder'.  Honestly, I'm not making this up.  Art!

     Over time, 'Lotharingia' became 'Lorraine', a bone of contention between Prussia and France.

     O and - WRONG AGAIN!

     No, you see LOTHER is Conrad's admittedly slightly-cheaty way of referring to "Lord Of The Rings".  Which he is watching again, and may come back to bore you with details thereof, since I've been listening to the Director/Writer's Commenatary.

     ANYWAY Conrad and LOTHER go back a long way.  A long, long way.  You see, when Conrad was a mere sprout of a lad, in primary school, our class teacher Mister Walker would spend the last 30 minutes of Friday afternoon reading aloud from a book, and in the last term before we in his class finished primary and moved on to secondary, he - very ambitiously - chose LOTHER.

     To say that Your Humble Scribe was bowled over by this book is an understatement akin to saying Chlorine Triflouride is a bit dangerous to work with.  I don't think we got further than the Barrow Wights, when Tom Bombadil comes to the rescue like a single plump cavalryman, before school finished.

     Naturally I went to Mum and Dad- Art!

             Mum                                                                                      Dad

     - and pestered them to see if I could get the novel out of our local library.

     Well, no.  It was in the Adult section and so they had to sign it out - except that 'it' turned out to be three immense hardbacks.  Art!

     Each was about a foot tall, and, best of all, they came with REAL FOLD-OUT MAPS!  You know how Conrad likes his maps.  The ones in paperback editions are all sketched onto the page, BAH!  What's more, these volumes can't have been loaned out that much, because there were no holes or tears in the maps, which inevitably happens to a much-used map.  Take my FWW map of Ypres, as used by the Royal Engineers - lots of ballpoint pen and highlighter marks and very frayed along the folds.

     If you're curious, and even if you're not, then the three above are available from an Oxfam bookshop, for the not inconsequential sum of £400.

     Conrad is tempted ...

     <wallet squeaks in anguish>

     So, in future, if you see LOTHER again, it won't be a mystery to you.

The James Webb Space Telescope

Conrad has enthusiastically reported on this piece of science-fiction kit that started up in serious operation this year.  It is, if you like, a Hubble for the Twenties hopefully through to the Forties.  Yes, it cost £6 billion, but remind me how much money is squandered on the ballfoot game each year?

     ANYWAY the BBC, in it's sorta looking back over the year, brought up some brilliant images created by JWST.  Art!

     This is the famous 'Pillars Of Creation' picture as taken by Hubble.  JWST operates in a different spectrum, so it's view is markedly different.  Art!

     A very different look!  All down to a different spectr - actually better not say that word aloud, Cloudbase are always listening in.

"The Sea Of Sand"

Rather than the sea of space.  O how poetic!

Shadows were lengthening and the sun sinking by the time the Sahariana reached the rendezvous in the wadi.  Tam drove without lights, deeming the jarring and bumping they suffered due to lack of illumination more than compensated by the stealth provided.

Approaching at a crawl, all three were surprised to see another Sahariana parked alongside the Chevrolet.

‘Welcome back!’ greeted Sarah, waving and smiling brightly, an expression which dimmed the instant she saw how dejected the three men were.

‘How did that get here?’ asked Roger, pointing at the newly-arrived desert car.

‘Simple.  I drove it,’ said the Doctor, jumping down from the rear of the Bedford.  ‘What news of your relief column?’

The young officer’s brows darkened.

‘Wiped out.  Either rendered unconscious and taken away or – or drowned in molten glass.’

Sarah shuddered.

‘How horrid!’

The Doctor narrowed his eyes at Roger’s news.

‘ “Molten glass”?  Let me guess, the sands were suddenly rendered liquid?  Hmm.  Yes.  An inducted geo-thermal pulse, I shouldn’t wonder.’

Nobody within earshot understood what this meant, so the Time Lord clarified a little.  Not too much, he didn’t want these humans thinking he was equally a threat.

     Now they're all one big happy party.  Minus the 'happy'.

"Let Us Now Praise Famous Men"

And, having praised them, praise them again - or so runs the refrain here on the blog, because we like having things rhyme.

     This is actually a work from South Canada, written by notable SC scribe James Agee and illustrated by photographer Walker Evans.  Their brief was to mingle with poor South Canadian sharecropper families during the Great Depression and report on their lives.  Art!

     This is the anti-Waltons.  These people don't have enough money for shoes, let alone a car.  Agee's work has since been recognised as a work of considerable power, illuminating how people mired in poverty retained their pride and dignity as human beings.  It's worth a read but it's not easy going.

Moving Swiftly Along -

We've not had the room nor opportunity to list an entry from "The War Illustrated", so allow me to remedy that.  Art!

     This monstrous piece of ordnance is the 17 pounder anti-tank gun, introduced by Perfidious Albion in 1943 as a counter to the heavier Teuton tanks that were appearing on the battlefield.  You see, This Sceptred Isle was perfectly capable of planning ahead, foreseeing problems and coming up with solutions.  The picture at top shows ones of these beasts in the field; note the comparatively low profile, making it easier to hide and harder to spot.  Well, at least before firing the first shot, because the enormous muzzle-blast instantly threw up a cloud of debris.  At bottom you have a skilled artificer carefully lathing one of these Freudian archetypes into shape.

Finally -

Conrad needs food!  Out of my way!