The Royal Scam

 No!  We Are Not Talking About The Steely Dan Album

Although, as you will see, 'Dan' is in there even so.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad album, and if I can cattle-prod Art into wakefulness - 

     Conrad hated "Haitian Divorce" back in 1976 when it was released as a single, although his Intemperate Raging Intolerance may have muted over the ages.  I shall have to go back and re-listen.  No denying, either, that it's a very strange album cover, which the Dan themselves detested, as they have described it as the most hideous album cover of the Seventies, bar that for "Can't Buy A Thrill" and you'll get no arg

     ANYWAY once again we have swerved off at a tangent to reality, which serves reality right <kicks reality in the pants>.  Nevertheless!  Onward and upward!

     We have recently been paying due homage to Steve and Oscar, my memory and subconscious respectively, although this must be tempered with caution, since we don't want them getting ahead of themselves.  Thus -

     Royal Dano.

     No!  This is not about Queen Margarethe II, Queen of Denmark.  Royal was a South Canadian character actor, who had lots of bit parts and guest roles in film and television.  Art!

Your original craggy-featured ham

     Royal was one of the featured actors in John Huston's adaptation of "The Red Badge Of Courage", that outstanding work by Stephen Crane, playing 'The Tattered Man'.  He had a death scene that was so affecting test audiences hurdled their seats in order to escape the theatre, and the studio cut the scene (Boo!  For shame!) as they feared similar would happen at the real box office.  Art!

Tattered yet still craggy

     John Huston lamented the loss of said celluloid, and since it has not emerged in all the many decades since being excised (1951), we must count it lost.  Thank you, studio suits <loud hissing> thank you so much.  Dog Buns, at least we got a title out of it.  Art!

     Motley, we're going to re-enact a battle of the South Canadian Civil 'Special' Military Operation, no anaesthetics or sterile procedure!

"Hard Times" By Charles Dickens

Your Humble Scribe doubled down on the bus into and from Gomorrah-On-The-Irwell over the last few days and finally finished this novel.  SPOILERS AHOY! even if it is 170 years old and has probably been done by the BBC on television with a distinguished cast of thespians.

Colour Conrad correct!

     A few observations.  Steven Blackpool, the honest, upright and hard-working mill hand, is a positive misfortune magnet right up until his demise.  I WARNED YOU - SPOILERS!  Harthouse, the cad, seducer and libertine, is thwarted and repulsed by none other than Louisa, the target of his assignations.  Hah!  Bounderby, the blustering oafish mill owner, is revealed not to have dragged himself up by his incredibly deprived bootstraps, but to have had every advantage as a child.  And Mrs. Sparsit, the odious, two-faced interfering, sponging, mooching, spying horrid harridan (can you tell I don't like her?) is cast upon her own impoverished devices. Ol' Chas even intimates at the end that Bounderby dies of a fit five years later, which is not surprising as he is both overweight and incapable of expressing anything except violent anger.  Art!

Sparsit and Bounderby.  They deserve each other.

     I have now donated the book to Donna, which means in the past three months I've gotten rid of THREE books <wallet squeaks in anguish>.

BOOJUM! Reviews Stuffs

As we are wont to.  That is, work from the title alone, generalise wildly and make shizzle up based on a fleeting glimpse of a bus poster.  I use "Stuffs" because I think one of these falls outside our normal parameters of film or television.  Sue me if you like, it's not as if you have to pay to read this guff©.

"DISNEY ON ICE":  Dog Buns!  So, this is either a horror film or a documentary, because it has long been postulated that Walt had himself frozen back in the day, so that he could be thawed out and rise, zombie-like, to dine on the brains of tourists who'd gotten lost at D-World.  I don't know if we have a picture, but I shall poke Art with this red-hot toasting-fork.

I think this is real <gulps nervously>

     Kreplach!  This does not bode well for Hom. Sap.  Remember, you read it here first.

"SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2":  What On Earth?  Does this mean that enough of you witless feebs went to see the first of these farragoes that it turned a profit?  CONRAD IS ANGRY!  That is to say, angrier than usual.  Also confused, as hedgehogs are not noted for being remotely sonic.  Have you ever heard the call of a hedgehog?  I doubt it.  Nor are they anything near fast.  Nowhere in the vicinity, frankly.  I think the studios are pushing the boundaries of a willing suspension of disbelief into the next county.  Art!

I hope you all end up under the wheels of a20-ton artic

     I was going to add more but we're well on in word count terms and I've yet to post up -

"Tormentor"

Here we go!

Louis carefully paid attention to his surroundings: no spirits.

               ‘No.  I can try calling one, if you’d like.  Not that they bother to come at my beck and call.’

               Father Geoghan picked up a copy of the Bible lying on the bedside table.

               ‘I’m glad to see that you take these threats seriously.’

               Wordlessly, Louis fished out the crucifix, much to the priest’s satisfaction.

               ‘I would also very strongly recommend that you don’t take part in any more scientific tests, Louis.  It brings unwelcome attention to bear on you.  Publicity in your case – well, it wouldn’t be a good thing.’

               The priest shook his craggy face sadly.

               ‘Don’t worry, I’ve already been advised the same.  A spirit called The Professor took it badly that I’d been doing science tests.  He – uh, sort of tutors me about spirits.’

               Both priests exchanged looks, Father Escobal ruefully shaking his head. 

               ‘Envy is one of the Seven Deadlies,’ opined Louis, drily.  Father Geoghan tutted loudly.

               ‘Ah, true.  Well-observed.’ Both priests wandered between the bathroom and bedroom, looking at the wall cabinet, the walls, the mirror and the tiled flooring.

               ‘I have persuaded the Reverend Sharples to delay any more investigations, Louis.  Please don’t approach the science faculty staff again, and we may be able to have people quietly forget what has taken place.’

     Religion and Science clash head-on.  Wonder who will prevail*?

Pretty Picture Progression

Here's another selection from the Sony World Photography selection, which are all attributed to Sony, not the individual responsible, which strikes Conrad as rather mean-spirited.  Don't fret, when I take over those responsible will be dealt with via Remote Nuclear Detonator.  Perhaps before then, if I feel especially liverish**.  Art!

     Back to the theme of winter, hmmmm?  This is from the hellish frozen wastelands of <squints> the Czech Republic.  Not the Antarctic.  Still pretty shiver-inducing, I maintain.  Although it looks more like a volcanic wasteland than the home of King Wenceslas.  Put that in your pipe and smote it.

Finally -

Conrad will try and keep this short, as we are already at the Compositional Ton and then some.  Okay!  The BBC News website has been listing the lugubrious reasons why taking Mariupol is important to the Ruffian, for it will create a land bridge between their satrapy in the Crimea and their satrapies in the Donbas.  Given that they've destroyed 90% of the city, they'll need to do a colossal job of cleaning up the rubble - when the fighting stops.  The BBC also authoritatively claims that the capture of Mariupol will release 6,000 Ruffians who were fighting for the city.

"Dimya's dementia could no longer be covered up."

     No it won't.  Do they seriously think three weeks of intense urban combat have left the Ruffians unscathed?  I doubt we'll ever know what their casualties were and they probably don't know, and certainly don't care.  You see, a city that's been smashed by shells and bombs and missiles make a perfect playground for ambushing an attacker, WHICH THE RUFFIANS DISCOVERED AT STALINGRAD.

     Let's hear it for their military genius in charge of planning!

JONESY!

*  As if I don't know.

**  Suspense.  I like to keep people in it.