Actually I Lied
Don't look so shocked, you know neither Conrad nor BOOJUM! can be trusted to tell the truth, all the more if we think there's mileage in deceiving people into visiting. No, what this Intro is about is the less-than-thrilling story of deliberate deceit in scientific research, and how many people would click to visit if we opened with a picture of a test-tube*? Art!
Instead, have this!
I know what you're thinking - NO! I GAVE BACK THE D.A.R.P.A. TELEPATHY HELMET I DID I DID I DID! - because you're so transparent. "O I say, Conrad uses another opportunity to blather on about "Forbidden Planet". WRONG! This is a shot of 'The Great Machine' from "Babylon 5", a monster alien artefact hidden deep beneath the surface of Epsilon III. Conrad hasn't seen any episodes that include it, which doesn't stop him from stating, with confidence, that J Michael Straczinsky, creator of Bab5, is a great big fan of "Forbidden Planet".
We seem to have gotten a little sidetracked. Never mind, here we go again.
Enter, Stage Left, Jan H. Schon. He was a Teuton researcher looking into the field of nanotechnology, and Boy! was he a wunderkind. Which is Teuton for an extremely clever young chap. Art!
Be honest, would you have clicked if we'd led with this?
ANYWAY Herr Schon claimed to be able to obtain magic results from his microbots, including creating working transistors at the molecular level, using organic components rather than conventional silicon.
GASP! is the sound I don't hear coming from your flapping pieholes <sighs in pain at how much cleverer Conrad is than the rest of you>. What you should appreciate is that this technology could be used at a scale so small that silicon simply didn't work. Not only that, business managers across the globe got £££ signs in their eyes, because organic transistors at the molecular scale would make electronics not only far, far smaller, but also cheaper. You could have the equivalent of a Cray on the back of a credit card, for everyone. Art!
The not so cray-cray Cray
Fantastic! Wonderful! We may be able to build a Great Machine of our own!
SCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRCCCHHHHHHHHH
Ah - one tiny problem. It was all fake. Complete bunkim (which is like bunkum except worse). Investigators had a seriously intense look at Herr Schon's co-authors, amongst whom was the splendidly-monikered Bertram Batlogg, and concluded they'd done nothing wrong, it was all on Schon. Other labs across the globe proved utterly unable to replicate Schon's results, which is A GIANT RED FLAG in the scientific community. Scientific results should be replicable, and if they're not, things have gone wrong along the way.
What did Herr Schon have to say for himself?
"The dog ate my homework". Yes, because you soaked it in beef gravy beforehand, matey.
O well, the dream of a Great Machine was nice whilst it lasted.
<Shakes fist at Schon>
Yes, this is a shot from "Forbidden Planet".
Hmmmmm, there you go, a serious tale of scientific skull-duggery. Conrad may bother you with information about that Sinister-era fraud Lysenko, if you stand still long enough.
Wallet Squeaks In Anguish
Your Humble Scribe recently got rid of two books, and hasn't replaced them in the Book Mountain with any new ones, so he has a Window Of Opportunity. He also Googled for "Leviathan Falls", the last in The Expanse novel series, only to discover that the paperback had been out since December 2021. Art!
Egad! Waterstones is on my final approach run into the office. I bet they have copies <palms get hot and sweaty> dare I buy it at lunchtime?
Meanwhile At Cloudbase
Those nosey pikers at Spectrum are always taking an unpleasantly intense interest in Your Humble Scribe's plans for world domination, so let me redress the balance by having a short item on their Armoured Personnel Carrier, the 'Maximum Security Vehicle'. Art!
Stay Very Far Away
This thing is a mobile metal fort, kind of a Tiger Tank without a gun, used to transport high-value items like Kim Kardassian VIPs or nuclear warheads. Talking of nukes, you'd need one to destroy an MSV, they are intended to be hard to kill. Art!
Are they armed? No. That would compromise their hull profile. Instead they tool around with an escort of SPVs or Angel interceptors, or both. If only Schon had hidden his research aboard an MSV! then they'd never have gotten at it.
Back To Tormenting Stuffs
If you recall AND YOU SHOULD, because believe me those uranium mines are not fun at all, then Luma was getting a touch of ear-bending from a starchy Swiss spirit, who manifested exactly zero sense of humour.
‘Really! Now, before we continue, Mister McMahon, Do
you have any small silver artefacts about your house.’
‘No. I don’t wear any jewelry. Would coins of the realm do?’
‘Not at all! Far too little silver. Get small silver objects, in volume,
speedily. I fear that Morgan’s lesser
helpers are actively trying to track you down.
Be prepared!’
‘Were you ever a teacher?’ asked
Louis, suddenly struck by the entity’s attitude and hectoring tone.
‘What? However did you guess that?’ asked the
Professor, plainly startled. ‘Yes. I was a Swiss schoolteacher.’
Swiss? Didn’t they all speak German?
‘In the canton of – oh, never
mind, it’s not important. Lots of small
silver artefacts, Mister McMahon. The
Dark Ones prefer to attack at night, since daylight is inimical to them. You may very well notice a distinct lowering
of the ambient temperature as they
manifest and become solid.’
Louis shook his head sadly.
‘Professor, this is winter – it’s
dark eighteen hours in the day and cold all the time. That’s not much help.’
The wall clock struck the hour
and the
‘Oh. Do you mind if I watch this?’ asked the
Professor in a small and humble voice.
Louis didn’t bother to reply and left the channel on, aware that the
spirit was utterly transfixed by the broadcast.
‘In Verbius’ day, of course,
there were no televisions. He didn’t
have access to a radio. I used to catch
up with news by watching cinema reels.’
Finally at
‘Thank you, Louis,’ he said
quietly, before disappearing.
‘My pleasure, teacher.’
Greek meet Greek. No, I shan't explain, go look it up.
A Song Of Damp And Drizzle
James Corey - see above on The Expanse - was lauded by George R R Martin, which is a bit cheeky, since GRRM employed them in the past in some facility. Thus I present to you the view from Floor Eighteen of The Dark Tower. Art!
It was like this ALL DAY, unless the mists were thicker. When does this global warming and extra sunshine kick in?
Finally -
We don't need much more to hit the Compositional Ton, which is a good thing, since thanks to First Bus I sat around in traffic and then at the nadir of customer comfort, Oldham Bus Station's satellite site, and only got home at 18:45, having left the office hot-foot at 17:00. No buses at OBSSS for twenty minutes, and then two at once <silent frothing rage ensues>. Honestly, if First Bus were in charge of nanotechnology, we'd be - Art?
Yeah
And I bet the infamous Test Tube Pervert is at the other end of that scalpel.
* Exactly seven, one of whom would be the infamous Test Tube Pervert.
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