We Don't Have Many Snakes In The UK
Conrad has only ever met one person (Rosie) who has seen a snake in the wild here in This Sceptred Isle. In some countries you have to ensure your footsteps upon the variegated autumnal leaves are loud and shuffling, lest you tread on a snake snoozing upon them. In Australia one is too busy worrying about the sharks, crocodiles, lethal jellyfish and a million venomous creepy-crawlies to be overly bothered about snakes.
ANYWAY, the 'Hoop Snake'. Art!
Spot the deliberate mistake
The 'Texas Hoop Snake' is as much of a myth as the Jackalope, and doubtless any herpetologists reading this will shake their head and list all the reasons why. Still, Conrad would like you to keep that image above in your mind. In fact - Art!
We now abruptly change tack, for Lo! we are back with the Darwin Award Winners Of Cinema, and we return to "Prometheus" since it seems to be quite fruitful when you look at it. Now, recall that the titular ship has taken off and rammed an Engineer spaceship loaded with biological weapons, intent on delivering said payload to Earth, and not in a good way.
Things do not work out quite as planned, since the shoddily-constructed human vessel disintegrates completely, whereas the far more robust Engineer one slowly falls out of the sky, intact. This is bad news for survivor Elizabeth Shaw. Why so? Because the Engineer ship impacts the planet's surface, still remaining intact, and rolls like a Hoop Snake, right at her.
Ooops.
An "O dear!" moment
What is Elizabeth's recourse? Why to run in exactly the same direction as the Hoop Snake, which comes perilously close to turning her 2-dimensional. As I put on the Space Opera FB page, Health and Safety Training delivered by ACME and Loonytunes. Run to the side! RUN TO THE SIDE! RUN TO THE S - too late <sighs in despair>. Elizabeth Shaw: possessing more degrees than a compass and yet not the wit to move fifty feet perpendicularly.
Volcano-spotting is significantly safer than Giant Hoop Snake Racing
I think we'll come back to "Prometheus" as it seems there is a rich vein of stupidity to be mined here.
In The Belly Of The Beast
NO! Nothing about Jonah and whales. Instead we are whizzing across the Solar System to Mars, where lurks the Perseverance rover, and the 'belly' part of this is because that's where the Ingenuity helicopter is currently being carried. I apologise for misleading you about Hom. Sap. littering Mars with the protective cover for Ingenuity; in reality it's only just managed to scatter this bit of debris onto the landscape. Art!
That rickle of props and struts is the un-deployed helicopter, with which NASA hopes to
You May Have Heard About That Business In Suez
Or not, or you may simply be as disinterested in marine shipping and navigation as Conrad is in golf or sporty cars. FOOLISH PEOPLE! for marine shipping is how This Sceptred Isle keeps going. That steak on your plate didn't arrive thanks to matter transporters.
ANYWAY the 'Ever Given' has gone and blocked the Suez Canal completely thanks to mermaids, or sharks with laser beams, or an irate Aquaman. Art!
The bow appears to have dug it's way into the canal's embankment, which means it's very definitely stuck, as whatever the ship masses, you need to add the mass of all the cargo. A figure of 225,000 tons is being bruited about. As an expert more expert than I explained, if they can't refloat the vessel at high tide, when conditions are easiest, then the canal authorities are going to have to remove cargo. By helicopter, at a guess.
ANYWAY that has nothing to do with what I wanted to create a theme about on here, because when I saw this gigantic traffic accident, my horrid mind turned to -
- because which other punk/post-punk band are more aptly mentioned in this situation? O that's right, Wonder Wifey's favourite band - Art!
Ha! Sometimes I amuse even myself. Of course, since the 'Ever Given' was sailing under a Panamanian registration, there is always -
And to tie this up before we go completely out to sea, how else can we end but confirm that the 'Ever Given' is, indeed, in -
Dabbling Our Mis-shapen Toe-Talons In The Toxic Trough Of Termagancy
(After "Termagant", or a horrid shrewish woman). Conrad hopes you will forgive this unusual foray around the edges of South Canadian politics, because it's so madly entertaining, and the crazy train that departed Platform Sanity in November last year is still on it's journey. You may recall that Sydney Powell, and if Art will put down his Mara Corday calendar for a moment -
- was peddling all sorts of bampot conspiranoid loonwaffle nonsense last year, so extreme that she was fired by her employer (the Ginger Whinger) and only found out when the press tried to contact him about her. That's pretty harsh!
Worse was to come. Dominion, the traduced manufacturer of voting machines, who had been forced to listen to her smearing their name " - because these machines are directly controlled by Hugo Chavez and Satan, and Adolf Hitler in his secret underground Antarctic base -" though I think they struck that last bit out of her script - sued her for over a billion dollars. They then had to hire private investigators to track her down, since she fled her home state and tried to hide in order to avoid getting served.
Also fed up, vengeful and with deep pockets
Ol' Syd is now bleating that no sane person would have believed the tripe she was peddling, it was all bloviated drivel, and she said it live on camera.
Oooops. According to more experts more expert than I, all Dominion had to prove their case for defamation was that she way lying (which she just admitted) and that she knew she was lying (again, admitted). Conrad is getting a couple of buckets of popcorn to follow this thing**.
How many loonwaffles avoided Machine 13?
And I think we have paddled in poisonous political piffle quite enough. I declare us done!
* A cybernetic mosquito, as on that Chemical Brothers track.
** O schadenfreude, how entertaining you are.
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