Forgive My Maunderings
I haven't worked up any notes for this Intro, as it stems from a thought that popped, unbidden, into my head down in the kitchen.
Like an amusing and not terrifying jack-in-the-box at all
'You know that film, "Arachnophobia"?' I asked myself. 'Yes indeed. So what?' I replied. 'Don't you think it features a classic example of Darwin Award winning behaviour?' 'Hmmm,' I mused. 'You could be right.'
So allow me to extrapolate and interpolate*. One of the principal supporting characters is entomologist Doctor James Atherton, who leads a scientific expedition to Venezuela. Note that this is thirty years ago and well before Ol' Chavvy ("Half Man, Half Potato") decided that South Canada was a collection of demonic cannibal perverted bumbletucks, so it really was filmed in Venezuala. Art!
Kissy kissy
Bear in mind that this chap has a doctorate and has thus been studying various hideous creepy-crawlies for probably a decade. He is, allegedly, the smartest man in the room when it comes to things with more than four legs and no IQ.
So, when he stumbles upon the Sinister Lair (emphasis on the drawn-out "S" here folks) of the monster spider nicknamed "The General" - Art!
You would not catch Conrad venturing in here. Absolutely not.
- with pathetic evidence of all the small mammals and birds that have been enwebbed and killed - Art!
What does he do? HE TWANGS THE WEB AS IF IT WERE A GUITAR!
Payback is immediate as The General promptly jumps on him, biting and killing him, leaving his carcass to be swarmed by countless other, smaller, spiders. Art!
Intelligent, just not very clever. There, one of my musing about fictional DA winners. Who knows, we may meet some from real life later on.
Motley! I heard noises in the attic. Go take a torch and investigate.
The Saw Docterings
I hope you remember seeing Conrad's gleeful promotion of "Beyond The Press", those Finns with nothing better to do than come up with bizarre, dangerous and destructive ideas. The car with circular-saw blades instead of wheels, for example. The pictures I posted were of Film #2, because they had already tested their 'Buzz Vaunu" on the surface of a frozen lake. Art!
To make a size comparison. Lauri, extolling safety (yeah right!) explained they would only be testing on ice close to shore, where the lake beneath was shallow, so if they did catastrophically breach the surface, nobody would drown. Conrad not convinced this is how safety works. Art?
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| Wheel off, blade on. |
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| The finished article**. |
And off they went, spraying ice everywhere. Art!
Lauri grumped a bit because the car was only doing about 20 miles per hour even though he had his foot right down on the accelerator. Yes, dude, that's because YOU'RE DRIVING A CAR WITH SAW BLADES FOR WHEELS. I thought I'd just bring that up again in case anyone had forgotten. This pair of reprobates also had a drone aloft to get a bigger picture, which if Art can be bothered -
Note that the third person acting as an extra cameraman is taking care not to get anywhere near the car, a wise precaution. Note also that Lauri is deliberately driving over fresh ice on each lap he makes, since the blades create a cut about two inches deep on each circuit. They had no intention of creating a Warner Bros Looneytunes scene in real life as a huge raft of ice became separated and broke apart from the main ice.
Finland - land of the easily bored where police are few and far between.
Bitten By The Coincidence Hydra AGAIN
Your Humble Scribe's posterior must be the finest and most toothsome morsel imaginable, since the creature above cannot easily resist it.
"O get on with it," I hear you say. "Legends Of Tomorrow" is on soon."
Pausing only to nod approvingly at your choice of televisual entertainment, I shall explicate. You see, Conrad has been busy reading about British and Australian submarines in the Gallipoli campaign. Whatever the shortcomings of military force on land, or naval power on the briny waves, these submarines caused utter mayhem in the Sea Of Marmara. Art!
I shall forego putting much detail into this item as it's principally a whinge about getting one's glutes gummed.
So, what else do we know that occurs on a Tuesday? Correct, Jim and Al put out another "We Have Ways" podcast, which today concerned - Art!
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| Ignore the reflection! Ignore the reflection! |
Yes, a broadcast about the submarines of Perfidious Albion in the Second Unpleasantness, rather than my reading concerning them in the First. Still, what's a chap to do?
Dare I steal away for a few minutes to see if the tea's still hot in the pot and butter a couple of pancakes? O go on then!
Sinister Scandinavian Subtexts
Yes, we are back to Simon Stalenhag's morbid imagination and digital design chops, with his portrayal of an alien invasion about as successful as that at Gallipoli (incisive satire at no extra cost, gentle readers). Art!
Whatever these structures are, they have been around for quite some time, as you can tell by the amount of sand that has piled up against them. That one to starboard is rusted to heck, and appears to have had pieces removed, cut off or simply disintegrated. As the site that put these images up also noticed, for an image titled "Highway Patrol", it kind of lacks a Highway Patrolman. Unless they've gone souvenir hunting ...
Finally -
O, I just remembered, I'm full of Frothing Nitric Ire at the Codeword compilers. Yes, again. What's a five letter word ending in "I" with all the letters different? What's a five letter word ending in "IC" where two of the letters are also in that other five letter word?
Your Modest Artisan went all around the houses on this one, I had to resort to the Crossword Companion, and the red mist descended when I realised what the solution was. Art!
That, ladies and gentlemen, is an OKAPI, which meant the other word was OPTIC. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!
The urge to kill has dwindled to a point where you are no longer at risk. Those Codeword compilers, however ...
And with that, we are done indeed.
* "Being clever"
** Do you see how I abstained from mak - O you do.
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