Or So It Seems
Our Modern Plague, Covid-19, has been - shall we say, "enhanced" - by those bizarre claims that it was caused by 5G transmission towers, an assertion utterly without any basis in reality, and a good social filter tool to reveal which of your friends are swivel-eyed loonwaffles. Doesn't bother me, don't have any.
Loonwaffle magnet
The vapid nonsense about this appears to have died down somewhat, although Conrad still expects to see flocks of peasants armed with torches and pitchforks, marching on transmission towers. Because Viktor Frankenstein didn't die in vain! or something like that. Art!
5G Transmission tower, early nineteenth century style
The reason I bring this up is because the BBC - the font of all news that's fit to print - had an article today about how some bafoons are trying to use Magna Carta to wriggle their way out of conforming to virus legislation and rules. Yes, that's right, they think that a piece of medieval legislature from 1215 is going to overturn the law in 2021. This has resulted in their suffering fines of £10,000, which will kind of wipe out their operating profits once the rules allow opening. Who could possibly have suspected that the entire legal system might have evolved over a period of 800 years! Good lord, what about bear-baiting and the death penalty? The legal - sorry, legal people - pseudo-legal claims these people made sound SUSPICIOUSLY similar to the garbage peddled by the South Canadian 'Freeman On The Land' movement. Which, if you have never encountered it (lucky you!) is a bitshot lunatic conspiranoid collective that claim you can opt out of the law if you don't like it, thus not paying things like taxes. Art!
If this is anything, 'truth' it is not
An example of their bonkers philosophy. It ought to be noted that none of these FOTL or "Sovereign Citizens" have ever won a legal case brought against them, as the ones in prison can attest. In fact, South Canadian law enforcement regards the SCs as a species of domestic terrorist, so the Darwin Award effect might lead to a serious decline in their numbers. Conrad predicts that none of these Magna Carta conspiranoids will win in court, either. If you require open-heart surgery, you cannot resort to a Youtube video and an on-line tutorial; designing a skyscraper needs more than being good at Jenga and wicked Lego skills; likewise, if you need legal advice, a solicitor (or lawyer) is a better recourse than a 14-year old living in his parents basement, wearing a tinfoil hat and living in a Faraday cage*.
Bourj Khalifa 2 here I come!
Someone Is Being Silly Here
No, it's not me. For once. As you should surely know by now, Your Humble Scribe is constantly on the lookout for visual gags that can inform the blog, as we have seen with the "Dirty Deeds" beer -
Three of them technically Scottish. Just FYI.
ANYWAY if we can get back on topic. Art!
Hmmmm. Yes. Quite. "Jam" not exactly what one imagines when thinking of a beer's name, is it? Not sure where 'Mango' comes in, either. Mango-jam flavoured beer? I bought the stuff so it will get used, either savoured slowly or necked desperately quickly so the whole experience is over rapidly.
Thank You, Internet
Many, many years ago, in a galax - when Your Humble Scribe was younger yet still as handsome, he remembered reading a novel about the Second Unpleasantness, which was rather realistically rendered, not consisting of endless blood and thunder, but rather about a radar-equipped Wellington bomber crew. It was set on Malta during the absolute fervid crux of the Axis aerial assault, and said crew had an un-glamourous yet crucial role. It was called "The Gun Garden". Could I remember the author? No, or this would be a very short item.
So, Conrad has had to wait until the internet develops, and becomes mature, before he can carry out a search for said title. Art!
I am a patient man, and thus we have a result after 45 years <does air punch in vindication>. The downside of this, of course - obviously! - is that Conrad may have to buy it again to re-read and decide if it's genuinely as engaging as it was way back when. Abebooks here we come**.
You Must Remember This
Don't worry, no horrid puns about "Casablanca" here. No, I refer to that recent discovery about how my battery-powered headphones were still functional, hooray! If we cattle-prod Art hard enough -
Well, they have an "On/Off" switch, and if you forget to turn it to "Off" when you're not listening - why, the batteries drain to nil and they won't work! They are the cheapest, nastiest, most generic batteries available, so I may indulge in some more expensive ones on the Wednesday shop. Thank you for paying attention and that is all.
Three Actors For The Price Of One
You may recall that Conrad has focussed recently on that Scottish character actor Andrew Keir, who had a long and fascinating backstory all of his own. He was a large, physically imposing chap, who had started out life as a miner, when a minor. That is, he began mining when aged fourteen. Doubtless strenuous physical exercise at that age helped him become large and imposing -
Carrying a big bundook doesn't hurt either
ANYWAY when he was in theatre, in Glasgow - this is important shortly - he was in a troupe that also included fellow character actors Fulton Mackay, whom you will know from "Porridge", and one wonders what a Glaswegian thought about that noble foodstuff being used as a sitcom title***. Art!
Fult
Also present in the same troupe was actress Phyllida Law, whom some may recognise as the mother of Emma Thompson. Art!
Rather scrummy in her day
As part of the same troupe, Andrew and Fulton took it upon themselves to escort young Phyllida to the local tramstop after work. Not because they were trying to pursue her - WASH OUT YOUR DIRTY MINDS! - but because her role required her to speak with an English accent. This is Glasgow after dark in the Fifties; anyone speaking with an English accent would be lucky to see the dawn.
Nyree Dawn Porter. Close enough.
So tomorrow, tune in on the same Rat-Channel to the same Rat-Broadcast, Rat-fans!
Hang on, did that sound right? Wait a minute, have I been hitting the wrong key on the laptop
* He is kind to his cat, so don't be too judgemental.
** Don't tell Wonder Wifey.
*** Conrad eats a bowl every day. No salt or <shudders in absolute unmitigated horror> sugar.
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