Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright -

 We'll Get Back To That Later

Conrad, as you ought to know, is not fond of poetry, not by any stretch of the imagination, so Billy Blake's best can sit at the back of the class for the meantime.  No, today I want to start today's blog with one of the world's most miserable, blighted, benighted, distant, icy places, where they'd be glad of a  burning tiger, even just a paw.  Art?

     This place makes Ascension Island look like Hong Kong at rush hour.  As you can see from the map above, it's about as remote as it's possible for anywhere to be and still be on the planet.  The upper picture is horribly misleading as the place is mostly glacier with a few shallow green bits at the edges.  Discovered by a Frenchman in 1739, he named it not claimed it, as he didn't land, thus "Bouvet Island".  In 1825 the Royal Navy showed how it was done by landing and claiming it for the Crown as "Liverpool Island".  

     For over a hundred years it sat there, until some intrepid Norwegians landed on it in 1927 and claimed it for Norway, and the British, aware of what an unpleasant spot it was, were happy to have it taken off their hands.  Art?

Lucky Norway, hmmm?

     Thus we now have "Bouvetoya Island".  Poor place must feel a little confused.  Nobody lives there - can you imagine doing so? - but the Norks visit every so often and put up a meteorological station if the previous one has been wrecked by the elements.
     And now we come to Geoffrey Jenkins.  Do keep up!  Geoff was a South African author back in the day, with quite a list of published works, and he formed a working relationship with Ian Fleming, brother of the more famous Michael*.

     This is all very well, you may be asking, but so what?

     Well, because Your Humble Scribe has a retentive if ill-ordered memory (imagine a dynamited library bulldozed into the world's biggest skip).  Art?

The 1973 edition. Note that the cover artist is the awesome Chris Foss.

     Conrad distinctly remembers this cover illustration from his teenage years, and it stuck in his mind, even if he had no idea what a "Grue" was**.  

     No, it's not a non-sequiteur.  AGOI is one of the few literary works to be set, in part, on Bouvet Island, a novel fact which neither you nor I knew until today.  BOOJUM! - educating you one factoid at a time.

     Motley!  Let's go sit in the freezer after having a cold shower and not drying off - it'll be just like living on Bouvetoya!

About That Tiger -

Not the animal.  Sorry if you were expecting a big cat.  Instead have a Panzerkamfwagen VI, specifically Tiger 131, which is currently the property of Bovington Tank Museum ("Bovvie" for short to those of us into TANK).  Art?

     This mighty mobile metal fort travelled all the way from the land of the Teutons to Tunisia in 1943, where it lumbered to the offensive on 21/4/1943, which is where it came unstuck, for Lo! here are Churchill tanks of the 48th Royal Tank Regiment, whom promptly pelt it with projectiles.  High-speed solid shot anti-tank projectiles, mind you.  They didn't actually penetrate the Tiger's armour, but let's see what damage they did do.  Art?

     This shot jammed the turret fast, and the spalling on the interior injured both the driver and front gunner and blew the tank's radio apart; proof that a round need not penetrate to cause havoc.  The second Churchill's  shell hit the left elevating lung, shattering it and thus preventing the gun from being able to elevate.  Art?

Ooopsie.

     A third shot smashed the loader's hatch, hurling spall into the tank, at which point the crew baled out and ran for it.  They could have reversed out of the engagement, perhaps, if one of the uninjured had been able to drive.  Art?

     Loader's hatch visible to starboard of upper centre, with a hole in it.  The British were happy to get a basically intact and functional Tiger tank for free, and shipped it home to Perfidious Albion, where it can be seen on Tankfest days driving round and making the ground tremble.
      There you go, another history lesson for you, and you're welcome.

"Caterpillar"

You see?  You see how everything fits together?  After having beetles yesterday, and tanks today, I had made a note about this name last week and just hadn't got round to posting about it.  Art?

     So, where does the name come from?  I thought you'd never ask!  From the 15th Century, actually, and "catyrpel", a corruption of the Old French "Catepelose" which means "Hairy Cat".  Conrad unsure what they were drinking or smoking back then, as the creature above bears absolutely no resemblance to a cat.  None whatsoever.

"I am offended by your microagression, Conrad."

     O Rly?  Would you like some lettuce, then?  No, I thought not.

     - quickly!  Check and see if Ben Folds is still alive and healthy!  He is?  Phew, that was a close one.  Stay safe, Ben.  Stay out of the water, avoid petting alpacas and don't drink canola.

Wallet Squeaks In Anguish

Or, "Bless You And Curse You, Twitter".  Just for background information, Conrad follows the legendary Professor Gary Sheffield and the almost-as-legendary Professor Peter Caddick-Adams on Twitter, military historians both.

     Now, Conrad had assumed - a dangerous thing - that Ol' Pete had published only two volumes, "Sand And Steel" and "Snow And Steel", which turns out to be woefully wide of the mark.  Art?

     Not only these, he's also been working on his latest, which is why he's only recently returned to Twitter.  Of course - inevitably! - Your Humble Scribe didn't bother to make a note of what it was, and the Tweet is now lost, lost forever amidst the frothing ocean of Twitterdom, or some such poetic twaddle.  "Monty and Rommel"  agggghh no, Conrad, resist, be strong, think of poor Wallet!

     Which brings me round to Ol' Gaz.  One of his tweets promoted another biography, that of Major General Oliver Nugent, who commanded the 36th Ulster Division in the First Unpleasantness.  Art?

You can hear my wallet squeaking from here, can't you?

     And, Dog Buns! it's available from Abebooks for the reasonable price of £19.50 including post and packing -

     NO CONRAD BE STRONG RESIST RESIST!

     I do, after all, have a positive mountain range of books to get through yet.

And with that, we are ever so definitely done done done!

*  This is a lie.  Just seeing if you're paying attention.

**  Apparently it means to quiver with fear.