The Stupid. Still Burning.

 Ah Yes, Hom. Sap.

I mentioned yesteryon about the Darwin Award winners who remove themselves from this mortal coil by bravely enterprisingly stupidly cutting open bombs or shells that they happen to find.

NOT TO BE USED AS A DINNER GONG

     Not surprisingly, this trait is not remotely new.  Conrad has been reading about the end of the Second Civil Unpleasantness in 1649 in This Sceptred Isle, after Chas One had escaped from custody and was plotting and scheming to get back into power <at which point moustaches are being twirled and evil cackles made>.  There were uprisings in various towns across Perfidious Albion, where the strict and humourless Puritans had been banning everything except breathing.

"And cancel Christmas!"

     Enter Norwich.  A rabble of rowdy citizens decided to storm the Committee House building, which stored large amounts of weapons and powder, although they weren't exactly sure where the powder was.   Consider that this was at night, when it is dark, and that there were no street lights at this time, and you realise that people were searching for weapons and powder with lanterns.  Art?

This is not going to end well ...

     One gentleman found powder and with no way to carry it in a safer manner, took off his hat and used that to howk it around.  At the same time another gentleman was observed being "being very busy with a lantern in his hand".
     The whole building went up in a mighty explosion, killing nine people and injuring dozens more.

     Less 'Powderfinger', more 'butterfinger', one feels.
     Motley!  What happens if you heat dynamite in a microwave*?

A Minor Mystery Solved

If you've been following the blog, then you'll know Conrad has been diligently reviewing comic books recommended by Brian Michael Bendis, both to help you judge if you'd like them, and also to terrify his wallet.  BMB had got as far as "The Three Kings" when we hit a brick wall, because there are an almost infinite number of comics out there with "Three" and "Kings" in the title.

     'No problem,' I reasoned.  'Go back to the source and he'll have named the artist and writer and we can move on.'

     Hubris, Conrad, hubris.  I found the article, yet it had no splash panel about said comic.

Conrad: perturbed
(And distorted thanks to Blogger)

     After having gone through the whole article several times, Your Humble Scribe noticed that there was a text paragraph where BMB mentions a clutch of comics that aren't blessed with a splash frame, and "The Three Kings" was one of them.
     He's on Facebook and Twitter.  I wonder if he'd deign to clarify if I asked him?

I dunno.  He looks kind of liverish.

Conrad Is ANGRY!

Yes yes yes, I mean angrier than usual, angry to the point that the veins in my temples are playing a bongo tune, and the red mist is more like crimson downpour.

     "For why am I so apoplectic?" I hear you remarking.  O I thought you'd never ask!  Because, gentle heart, I had to listen to an execrable song whilst doing the shopping in Morrison's yesteryon.  It's bad enough having your breathing affected by a mask without having your ears tormented, too.

A face one would never tire of slapping.

     It was "The Pina Colada Song", if you must know.  This isn't the place for A Little Musical Critique, so let me just pick a few of the lyrics out.

     "If you like pina coladas -"

     NO I DO DOG BUNS NOT!  The pineapple, principal component of the pina c., is, in Conrad's eyes, a war-crime in fruit form.  Your Modest Artisan cannot stand the smell, taste or texture of the ghastly things.  Art?

Large enough

     " - and getting caught in the rain"
     ONCE AGAIN NO! NO NO NO!  Why do you think the umbrella was invented, you bafoon?  Conrad looks askance at the idiots in film and television who seem to think that getting incipient pneumonia is somehow stylish and sexy and appealing.  IT IS NOT!

     There were also some seedy sordid references to carnal relations and dunes, which I shan't dignify with lyrics here, only to observe that intimacy and sand are not complementary bedfellows.

CAUTION!  Not an aphrodisiac!

     Fortunately the next song was "Bittersweet Symphony", which perked me right up again.

Back To Battle

I have now reached the end of Turn 10 of my English Civil Unpleasantness wargame, you will be pleased to know.  If Art can put down his plate of coal -

Odd - the Caption text has reverted to Small Times**

     Here we see the Parliamentary cavalry on their left flank giving better than they got, somewhat of a recovery.  They are now echeloned in what people at the time called a "refused flank", though it's entirely coincidental.  Art?  Close-up!

     It's a different story on the Roundhead's right flank, where things have tanked for them.  Art?

"Advance to the rear!"

     One squadron has already routed off the board, and the second will follow next move.  Oo-err, matron.

     The infantry have yet to clash.  Let's see what the initial layout looked like.  Art?

     I should probably penalise the Royalist foot as they've had to march across the whole battlefield, whilst the Parliamentarian foot have been sitting around, having a chat, swigging the odd bottle of beer and generally relaxing.
     We shall see what happens shortly ...

You What?

Conrad was reviewing and deleting excess photographs on his mobile phone, a.k.a. the Devil's Digital Device, when he came across several that positively embrace this item's title.  What?  Art, if you please -

     As you should already know, Conrad has a healthy respect for the Icelanders, who are giants of the ballfoot world in addition to have far too many good bands for a country with a population about that of Babylon-lite (Oldham if we're being formal).  But - what is this?  "Fishmas"?  Bear in mind that these pictures were taken about a month ago, meaning they were nowhere near nowhere near Christmas.
     I dunno.  Perhaps it makes more sense if you're from Iceland (or "Island" in Icelandic), because you <thinks> rely on fish as 85% of your staple diet?

Whilst Still On The Fringes Of Europe ...

You remember that crack from earlier about putting dynamite in a microwave?  Just on a whim, Conrad had a look on Youtube and sure enough, a couple of crazy Finns had a microwave on a verrrrrry long extension lead, in the middle of a field, and they were cooking up a storm with - dynamite!  Art?

CAUTION!  Do not try this at home.  Seriously. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

     It was a little disappointing; the dynamite smoked like a chimney, gave a flaming "pop!" and caught fire.  Sadly, no explosion <sad face>.  Your Humble Scribe will, however, be coming back to these lads - "Sons of Explosions".

     and with that we are DONE!

*  Conrad honestly has no idea.  If you try it, then the results are on you.

**  There's a joke in there somewhere