Stomach Bug

 To Coin A Phrase -

If you remember, we were talking earlier this week about that episode of "Doctor Who" where a Hapless Minion was murdered by consuming a poison pill, said pill consisting of 'highly-concentrated scorpion venom'.  Art?

<sighs and reaches for Tazer>

     - actually I think I'll stay my hand.  This is indeed the 'Scorpion', which many people describe as being a "tank".  Wrong IT IS NOT A TANK!  It is a "Combat Vehicle, Reconnaissance, Tracked" so you can consider it as an armoured car on tracks.  We shall come back to this.  Art! <pins Art with a steely glare>

Better
(Or worse, if you don't like arthropods)

     As an aside, scorpion venom is the world's most expensive liquid, coming in at £25 million per gallon.

     Anyway, Conrad was not sure if scorpion venom would survive in a human stomach, given the low pH of said environment, getting as low as 1.5 in some folks.  Let us assume that it is still efficacious (another word you never expected to see today, hmmm?) and somehow enters the bloodstream.  Scorpion venoms are fast-acting neurotoxins, as they need to be in order to subdue or kill the scorpion's food.  Note the "fast-acting"; NOT "instantaneous", especially when they have to work via the digestive system not the bloodstream.

     Here an aside.  Art?

<A moment's silence for Sam Pekinpah>

     There is a scene at the beginning where a bunch of cruel children force a scorpion to fight to the death against a swarm of ants -

"We hadda make our own ennertainment back in the oldey-timey days, yanno."

     This essentially mirrors the films ending - but I shall say no more or you'll be reading a 5,000 word monograph on "The Wild Bunch".

     So, as to The Doctor's forensic diagnosis, we must respectfully point out that there's some dramatic licence being taken here, as the Hapless Minion could very well have kicked the bucket - just not as rapidly as implied.

     Conrad also realised, whilst walking the dog, that there is a current and VERY political analogue, as Gaspodin Navalny lies in a coma, having been novichocked with poisoned tea.  Only an utter bounder and cad would try to croak a chap by rendering toxic the drink which is a gift from the gods - and at that we shall promptly end, as we have doubtless already annoyed Tsar Putin, who will be reading all sorts of unintended allusions and consequences into this modest scrivel*.

Anything with Peri gets my vote.
(Purely for thespian reasons)

As Giddy As Schoolboys

"We Have Ways ..." have been visiting 'Track And Wheel', a farm owned by Tobin Jones, whose stock in trade is renovating British vehicles of the Second Unpleasantness.  At various points both Al and Jim go on about the various tanks and trucks strewn about the place, and you can tell they are both jealous and admiring at the same time.  Art?

The South Canadian 'Staghound' armoured car, as used only by Perfidious Albion

     The renovation work is done on behalf of clients who can specify that they want their baby restored in original condition, lead-based paint and all, or more sensibly have it properly HSE compliant.  Tobin also explained that he is a licensed firearms dealer, too.  He has to be, as the vehicles he acquires frequently mount a working weapon, which has to be de-activated by the time it gets sold on.

     Al asked a pertinent question - how did he start in this business?  Tobin said he'd wanted to buy a tank for ages, but at the time one had to register and be approved, a process that took literally years.  Having applied, he forgot about his application until the Ministry of Defence contacted him to say, Hey!  You can now buy tanks, and there's an auction taking place next week ...

Tobin's dream: a Chieftain tank.  Going for a song at only £18,000.

     The thing is, after doing some measurements, he couldn't fit a Chieftain into his back yard, so he got a Saracen instead.  Art?

Also available for children's parties

     He did indeed use it to take the family on picnics, where it was a big hit.  One presumes the machine-gun had been removed from the turret, or the local police might have become unhappy.

     We shall come back to this podcast, it has legs!

Continuing The Arab Theme** -

You've seen the Alvis Saracen above, now say a hearty hello to their other contemporary vehicle, the Saladin - Art?

     As mentioned above, you can think of the Scorpion as an armoured car on tracks.  The Saladin is the opposite; you can think of it as a tank on wheels.  Had the Cold War ever gone hot, you would not want to be a Sinister armoured car, out in front of your armoured brigade, nosing around as armoured cars do, only to face this thing.

You What?

Conrad posted a long screed this afternoon that concerned the ballfoot game and one Senor Messi, who is a player at Barcelona.  Well, we have a second sporting moment to distract you with.  Art?

     When I first spotted this my initial thought was "What on earth are they talking about?" and my second was "Wow, '2000AD's creation of Gibberish the language as used by the Fringe Worlds in 'Nemesis the Warlock' has finally come true!"

     But no.  A closer perusal reveals that the Raptors and Celtics are basketball teams, and a "buzzer-beater" appears to be a last second scoring success - which the South Canadian football players have christened a "Hail Mary".

     So now we know!  (and are done done done).

*  He hates BOOJUM! with a passion but cannot resist reading it.

**  No, Byzantine scholars, this is not a pun