What Lies Beneath

NO!  I Do Not Mean That Vaguely Creepy Film

Which does have a couple of scares in it, and I'm well aware that you lot were only watching it because "Oooh oooh Michelle Pfeiffer's in the bath!".  Perverts.

     No, I am referring, of course - obviously! - to a recent NASA discovery of an odd exoplanet, which has the catchy title "TOI 849b".  The data suggest that, whilst only a few times larger than Earth, it has 40 times the mass, meaning it's not a regular rocky planet but something rather different.  Art?

An artist's impression

     The data further suggest that it has little or no atmosphere, which is not surprising as it orbits incredibly close to it's parent sun; so closely, in fact, that a 'year' or the duration of a single orbit around said sun-like star, is less than 24 hours.  The surface temperature is estimated at a cosy 1,500oC, which is hot enough to melt iron and most other metals, too.

     So what is it?  I'm so glad you asked!  The consensus is that this is the core of a gas giant, with the gaseous outer layers removed in some cataclysmic event.  Note that there are plenty of "Hot Jupiters" that orbit close to their parent star, but which retain an atmosphere, so the mystery is how this one got to be stripped bare-bottom naked, in astronomical terms.

     What's that?  No, she kept her nightwear on!  On on on!  Dog Buns, you lot are a load of hormonally-driven rascals, aren't you?

     Motley, fetch me an apple, and make sure it's peeled, and when I'm finished you can deal with what's left.

Do you see what - O you do

A Challenge

<sighs heavily>  If you know Conrad at all by now, then you will no he has no inner moderator.  If he thinks it's funny he'll say it, if he's hungry he'll eat all the nectarines, and if there's time to spare - well, he has a weakness for jigsaws.  The thing is, he's likely to spend HOURS doing them and normally there's simply not the time to spare, especially when back working in Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell.

     However.  I have the next 8 days off.  And Wonder Wifey made the mistake of mentioning this below - Art?

     What makes this one especially challenging is that there are no edge or corner pieces; WW speculates that they were stored in a separate bag that has gone astray.  So whilst that only removes perhaps 100 pieces from the total, it makes assembling the remaining 900 much, much harder.

     I shall keep you posted.

D-Day Doings

For Lo! we are back to blathering on about "The Longest Day".  I am re-watching it and after an hour we are getting to the action.

     Here an aside.  The actor Richard Todd plays Major John Howard, who led the paratroopers who captured "Pegasus" Bridge.  Art?

Richard, at both port and starboard

     The thing is, Ol' Dick was there in real life, as a Lieutenant.  In fact, at one point in the film another officer comes up to report to him, and in real life that officer was Richard.  Confused?  Also, Ian Fleming wanted Ol' Dick to play James Bond in "Doctor No", a part taken by Sean Connery, who is also in "The Longest Day".  More confused?

     Back to the script.  One impressive thing about the film is it's use of genuine Teuton fortifications, which were still extant and usable in 1963, when the film was made.  Art?

IGNORE THE REFLECTIONS!

     This is actually a goof, though unknown at the time.  The Teuton actor here, Hans Christian Blech, is playing Major Pluskat, who was most certainly not at his bunker on D-Day, as he was - how can we put it delicately? - enjoying the pleasures of the flesh inland.

     This is an excellent shot that shows the beach obstacles intended to deter or damage landing craft, and one of the "Widerstand Nesten", or "Resistance Nests" which we would call "Bunkers".  Note the obsolete French tank turret mounted atop the WN: although their guns were rather small, they were still pretty effective at the short ranges involved, and made a small target.

     An answer to the question "How many grains of rice in a metric ton?"  No!  Someone is blathering on about how many mines have been laid.  What I wanted to point out was the bunker design here: the gun is positioned to fire along the beach, not out to sea - what poseurs like to call "enfilade".  That massive concrete wall to port is to protect it from any incoming fire.  The Sherwood Rangers Yeomanry on Sword beach had several tanks knocked out by just such an emplaced gun, before one of their supporting self-propelled guns swung round the defensive wall and treated it to a couple of 25 pound shells at close range.

     Right, I don't want your brains to glaze over, so we'll call a halt there.  But, rest assured, we will be back.  O Yes indeed, Carol Reed!

Finally -

I haven't messed around with a horror trope for a while, so I feel the urge a-coming on, although they usually end up far longer than intended.  Anyway -

The Setting: a deserted and derelict former lunatic asylum.  Jackie and Suzie, two cheerleaders (you can tell because, for whatever patently absurd reason, they are wearing their cheer outfits), each clutching a large canvas holdall, are nervously exploring.

Three Minus Stars in the Michelin Guide

Jackie: Um, are you sure this is a good idea?  I mean, the last four cheerleaders who did this for a dare ended up getting horribly mutilated to death.

Suzie: <patting holdall> Don't worry, wuss-features.

They begin exploring, using head-mounted flashlights.

Suzie:  Damn, my battery's going!

Jackie: <reaches into her holdall> Here, I got a couple dozen spares.

Suzie:  Heh.  Ex-Girl Scout - HOLY HECK!

A huge man, clad in a boilersuit and wearing a clown mask and - most importantly - clutching a bloodied axe, jumps out at them.

HUGE BOILE - look, let's just call him DERANGED KILLER, okay: Whores!  Bitches!  Prepare to die!

Suzie: Eat lead and die! <she pulls an automatic shotgun out of her holdall and shoots the Deranged Killer apart>

Before

Jackie:  Does your dad know you borrowed that?

Suzie: Eh.  As long as I pay for the ammo, we're good.

They continue exploring, venturing up stairs, down corridors and across halls.  Suddenly, a huge man, clad in a boilersuit and wearing a clown mask and - most importantly - clutching a bloodied axe, jumps out at them.

DERANGED KILLER: Whores!  Bitches!  Prepare to die!

<One short burst of gunfire later>

After

Jackie:  Damn!  There were two of them? <She puts away her compact flamethrower>

Suzie: <drily>With the same scriptwriter, apparently.

Jump cut to dawn, and our heroines exit the building, neither looking remotely the worse for wear.

Jackie:  Wow, who knew!  That's how they managed to apparently teleport from one place to another and shrug off near-fatal injuries for all these years.

Suzie:  Yeah.  I'm gonna owe Pops a barrowload of money.  Good job you torched seven of 'em.

Jackie:  Let's see - you averaged six shell per kill - oooh, that makes one hundred and thirty eight shells!

Suzie:  On the plus side, that's twenty-three homidical bottomholes who'll never chop up a cheerleader again.  That's gotta parlay into a reduction from Pops.

Arm-in-arm they walk off into the sunrise.  And no, they do not kiss passionately.  This blog is SFW.  Perverts.