That Ballfoot Game

You Are Not Likely To Read Such As This Again
However, Conrad resides in the town of Babylon-Lite, more formally known as "Oldham" - which comes from the Anglo-Saxon "Aeld Hume" I'll have you know - and a screaming banner headline on the BBC's website last night caught my eye.
     "Manly Northerners Soundly Thrash Effete Southron Jessies" it ran, or so my mind translated it.  Perhaps Art could judiciously supply a more sanguine title?

     There you go.  Perhaps I was a bit overenthusiastic, except the people you have to watch out for more than Yorkestershiremen are Southron Jessies; how fortunate it is that geography forbids the two shall ever meet and combine and have offspring -
     So, FullofHam are a "Premier League" side - sorry for introducing these complex technical details - and, below them is the "Campionship League", named surely after the flower?

Thus

     Or perhaps the television adventure series, starring Peter Davis?  Although that it a bit more unlikely.
     Where were we?  Oh yes, ballfoot leagues.  Below the Campionship is Division One, although the sharp-eyed and sharper-minded amongst you will have detected that this is in fact the third division.  Below that comes the Second Division (not the fourth!  never the fourth!).  SO!  Consider that FullofHam are in the Premier League and Oldham are in the Second, and you begin to see what an upset this is for the southlanders.*
     Of course, Oldham will probably crash and burn in their next game, but it was great whilst it lasted.

Aeld Hume

For Once, First Bus Are Not To Blame
Another title that you won't be seeing very often!
     Conrad is on the early shift this week, which means having to get up and bustle about at the unpleasant hour of 06:00 a.m. when not only is it cold and damp, it is also dark.  "Dispiriting" is the adjective of choice here.
     There is no time to dawdle, for the 24 bus, which now only magically appears 7 times a day (down from 45 at it's peak), flies past the bus stop at 06:14.
     Of course, today would be the day that the Beeb puts up an article about acoustic mirrors.  Art?

An example

     That, gentle reader, is the acoustic mirror at Kilnsea in Yorkshire.  Do you want me to tell you all about the acoustic mirrors of Perfidious Albion?  Of course you do - SIT BACK DOWN!
     Okay, imagine that the First Unpleasantness is in full swing, and our Splendid Island Home is under threat from malicious Teuton bombers <shakes fist at Teutons>.  Radar is decades off, so how do you protect yourself?

With acoustic mirrors!

     Built out of concrete, they were designed to acquire the sound of incoming aircraft, concentrating the sound towards a microphone at the focal point.  You can see the metal stand this would have been mounted upon at the Kilnsea mirror.
     Sad to say, the acoustic mirror was a bit of a blind alley; the principle was sound in 1916 but aircraft continued to develop and become both faster and quieter, and by the Thirties they were completely obsolete. 
     There's a triple set of mirrors at Denge in Kent, which we've featured before and shall now feature again.  Art?

Thus

     And you've guessed it, Conrad's perusing all about the mirrors made him a couple of minutes late and thus missed the bus.

More Of Morrison's Buyer's Tastes
Yesterday I kind of admitted to being partially-mistaken about how Morrison's Rochdale's DVD buyer likes bad films, because there was one that might have seemed a fitting candidate, but which definitely was not.  I refer to "Moon Shot", of course.
     Then came a second title I had noted, which seemed to simply be "Red", and which created a problem, because it didn't exist - we are not talking about the Bruce Willis/Karl urban vehicle here.  Art!

Aha.

     This is no tender love story about a man and a dog: the Sinisters were training dogs to run beneath tanks in expectation of getting a tasty treat.  Whilst carrying an anti-tank mine on their back.  The success of this ghastly project is open to question, because the Sinisters will never admit making a mistake, nor the Teutons that they were ever bested, and it gives you a glimpse into the mindset of the Sinister's scientists.**
     It also scores 7.4 on IMDB, incredibly, so if you want to witness Man's Best Friend coming to a horrid end, go right ahead.
     However!  I am at least partially right, because another of the titles that I noted down was "Curse of the Nun", which scores a miserable 3.0 on IMDB, a score that translates as "Really Meh.  No, Seriously, Really Meh".

Proof they spend all their budget on the DVD covers

     It's one of those come-on titles that tries to fool you into thinking it's a legitimate sequel to a much bigger-budgeted and more respectable film, and the reviews of those who watched it were universally scurrilous.  Avoid!

I think it's about time to get this stuff up and into the public domain, so the faithful few who like to get in there before BOOJUM! is officially published can slake their thirst for utter scrivel.  Enjoy!



*  Har har!
**  Dastards, every last one of 'em.