How Very Arous-ing

 In The Sense Of An <Ahem> Erection
First of all, wash your sewer-like minds out, you dirty curs! 
     Okay, are we all mentally flossed and flushed?  Then we can begin.

Art ....

Because where else did your humble scribe walk past tonight, but what was yesterday a car park, and is now, today, a construction site?  I didn't stop to take a photograph because Degsy was waiting to give me a lift, and O boy - that guy counts the delays in milliseconds microseconds picoseconds.*  I think at this point we need to see how a tower crane manages itself, as the first episode of the drama-mentary "Doctor Who" may not have been clear.


Insane in the crane

     One could not help but feel a creeping unease, passing by this structure.  What if it fell down?  Which way would it fall?  How much ground will it cover when it does fall?  Can your modest artisan accelerate fast enough from an ambling start to escape the impact footprint?  Will the ambulance team be carrying blood of my type?  How -

     But I anticipate.      None of which has anything to do with what I intended to talk about, except in a very general sense, because The Muse hit me yesterday with an odd thought - how, exactly, do you pronounce the word "Arous"?   hmmmm?     I think you see where today's title comes from.  Lights!  Camera!  Scantily-clad dancing weasels!

"THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS"

     What do you mean, you've never seen it?  You haven't lived!  A classic for the ages, and done on a budget of £36,253.  Art?

ART!

     Damn you and your Christmas calendar present, Art.  Okay, I'll admit that Mara was a smokingly hot sultry vixen in her heyday, but THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS!

That's better.

     Well, not "Better" exactly, as your humble scribe would much rather gaze upon a smouldering Mara Corday than an insanely gleeful John Agar, so perhaps "More apt" is a better description.
     Go on, you thought I was making it up, didn't you?  After all, since the brain in question is from a distant planet even more remote than the Clanger's, the scriptwriter could have called it anything:  Planet Janet; Planet Tenalp; Planet of the Grapes; Planet of the Hampires**.  But no - they deliberately chose that title all by themselves.

This guy looks disturbingly <ahem> Arousd

     Here an aside.  The director was Nathan Juran, who insisted on being credited as "Nathan Hertz", because that's how he felt after directing this audio-visual offal!  (You have to say it out loud) he was ashamed of the end product, thanks to the miniscule budget and laughable script.  You might also add, "And that title, too, I mean, was he trying to get the attention of the Hayes Code censors?" though that's a bit long to squeeze into the credits.      QUICKLY!  CHECK YOUR HOT WATER TANK FOR POTENTIAL KILLER EELS INFESTATION!

Know your enemy!

          Now that we've got that vital winter-time check out of the way, let us proceed with - hang on and hold hard, what were we on about?      Oh yes, that execrable film.  I've seen it, and It Is Rubbish.  It's rating of 5.3 over on IMDB is obviously the result of a concerted campaign to increase the score, because Conrad states is ought to be no higher than 4.5 (I lied about it being good at the start, for fear you might abandon me).

The easily-defeated brain in question - just hit it with a stick and you're good.

      That's the Intro over.  Time to send the motley to the end of that tower crane's jib and whiz it around and around to see if we can send it dizzy!***

4,200

Well well what the heck - at the very base of the Dark Tower, there is a monitor screen with a scrolling display at the bottom, which caught your modest artisan's eye earlier this week.  There I espied a tagline about a film, thus -

   "4,200 years ago the Americans stole technology.  Now it's the other way round -"

     And the text moved on as my lift arrived, so I'll never know what the film was.

     "America didn't exist as a going concern at that date, and the most advanced form of technology way back then would have been a pointy stick," I bethought.

     Of course I laughed at myself when the penny dropped and the lightbulb lit up, as I'm sure you rswill, too, when you see it.
     No, I'm not going to point it out.  Do it yourselves.

"I'm so amused, because I got it."

Finally!
I remembered that nursery rhyme -

"Rock-a-bye Baby, on the tree-top -"

     <the police and Social Services arrive and arrest Conrad for child endangermen>

*  It may have been femtoseconds, I'm not sure - it went by pretty quickly.

**  They live exclusively upon pork products.
***  Or dead.  Either will do.