City Of Grinding Blights

Manchester!
In case that was too subtle for you, allow me to belabour you across the cranium with a lot less finesse.  I was mocking both the city of Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell and U2's rather corking "City of Blinding Lights".  I think the song's about Hong Kong, but wherever it is, it most certainly isn't Manchester.
     These thoughts came to me earlier this morning, as I gazed out from the 17th Floor of the Dark Tower, which gives one a spectacular view of - well, grey concrete and fog, actually.  Art?

The Modern Mordor?

      It does look rather blasted and blighted, doesn't it?  Kind of like the world after the Zombie Apocalypse has struck, except all those shambling undead are actually shoppers in the city centre, which says something about either your perception or the nature of consumerism.
     Further on this theme, your humble scribe is back working at height in the Dark Tower, and since he likes to arrive extra-specially early to have a bit of breakfast, solve a Cryptic Crossword and hammer out some words of wit, wisdom and wonder for the blog, he gets in to the centre of Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell pretty damn early.

Earlier than this.

     It's a revealing time of day, when the aftermath of the night before hasn't been cleared away, and you have to dodge puddles of spilt beer, vomit and broken glass.  Also, given the time of year, great piles of dying pine trees.  

     Okay, time, I think, to end this Intro.  I'm not going to better that title today.

Many A True Word Spoken In Zest
Well of course there is!  Considering that the English language - the undisputed best language in the world, The End - uses lots and lots of words in general, and that people making jokes also use words, there was inevitably going to be a considerable overlap.
     "Hang on, old coulrophobe," I hear you bleat, "that there word is "Zest" not "Jest".  Have you at long last committed the ultimate sin and made a spelling mistake?"

Not explaining anything.

     Not at all!  No, because if you remember yesterday's scrivel, and you ought to BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL SURVIVE WHEN I TAKE OVER as it referred to the origins of the archetypal zombie, being formerly dead people revived when touched by a caduceus.  This taking place in ancient Greece.  The caduceus being an 'Herald's Wand'.  No I'm not putting up a picture.  Go read yesterday's blog.
     How Conrad laughed!  Because of course it was all nonsense, there aren't really any such things as zombies and the dead brought back to life, it was all completely made up in my head, an utter fiction with no basis in reality.
     
     Or so I thought <looks over shoulder>.  Art?

Exhibit One

     I've not finished yet.  Art?

Exhibit Two

     These are the skeletons of bodies found in a cemetery in Grecian Sicily, by proper archaeologists, and are definitely not Photoshop or Deviantart.  Our Hellenic ancestors feared the zombie, because they knew all it was good for was rending, tearing, killing and some horror fiction on papyrus.  So!  They made sure the dead didn't return by weighing them down with large rocks or massive bits of broken pottery.  Hence "Jest" becomes "Zest", because - zombies.
     Now, repeat after me: "Zombies do not exist.  That noise is wind moving branches against the window.  Those graves were vandalised.  That shambling gang of wretches in the street are homeless people on drugs.  The Army are only conducting a training exercise."

Z-bait!

The Nerd Absurd

Perhaps "absurd" is a little harsh, especially coming from a man who is prepared to debate the finer points of which Mega City One's Judge's 'Lawgiver' model is the best.*

     Anyway.  Go out and check out the "Because Science" Youtube channel, hosted by Kyle Hill.**  It's great for tackling serious or silly questions about just about anything in the field of science, and indeed came up with a plausible explanation for why there are Fast Zombies and Slow Zombies.

     Here's the relevant video:

See?  A trim is badly needed.

     This particular vlog is about that there panel in a Superman comic, specifically "Can you break into Superman's Fortress of Solitude?".  In case you aren't up on your astronomy, dwarf stars are made up of extremely dense matter.  More dense than <insert poor joke here>.  I mean, really, really dense.  "A teaspoon weighs a ton", as The Flaming Lips have it.
     You would not believe the amount of fussing and fighting that commenters indulged in about this one!  Varying from how the key ought to be composed of neutron star material - another story in it's own right - to the fact that it wouldn't retain a key shape thanks to it's density versus length, and how it would have shattered the Arctic ice it sat upon - and on and on.  14 minutes worth of feedback and Kyle parrying the cricitism.      Go on, go check out Youtube - Kyle's latest opus is "How to fight a Velociraptor (and Win)"

Actual Velociraptors were about the size of a turkey.

Next!

Greek Geek Freak
We have, of late, been banging on about the caduceus (see above), which is the symbol for Hermes, and thus business and commerce and doing one's fellow man over for a higher profit margin.
     This does not sit well with physicians, who are generally devoted to healing the ailing and succouring the sick, and whilst they aren't going to reject a nice salary at the end of the day, they are motivated by more than money.
     Why the disconnect?  Because the Caddy - sorry, my horrid abbreviation - the Caduceus is frequently misused instead of the Rod of Asclepius.  Art?

Thus

     The Rod, you see, is the international symbol of those beloved sawbones.  Personally, Conrad can't see what the fuss is about - you can still use your rod to beat people, and send your pet snake off to slay those you don't like.***
Hmmm.  Well, we appear to have hit count and then some.  I had so much more to waffle  on about.  It'll just have to wait until tomorrow.
     Oh, the posting schedules might be a bit off tomorrow, as your humble scribe is due to attend and organ recital at Rochdale Town Hall at mid-day.  Don't know how long it will last but it ought to be a blast!  I just hope they play Widor's 5th Toccata.

Ur-on-the-Roch's Town Hall

*  The 1977 original, of course.
**  A man sorely in need of a haircut.
***  Please note, this is Conrad's particularly sardonic take on the Rod.  Doctors are probably rather less unpleasant.