- at work, not here at the Mansion, I hasten to add, dear reader - did not go down too well with the management. Conrad, ever ingenious when it comes to making mischief, consequently devised "Frust-o-Bust" instead. Having a far lower profile than an inflatable avatar, he thinks it might be workable, at least when the management aren't looking.
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| Yes, an idea I blatantly nicked from "Red Dwarf"* |
The Enlightenment
No, not a lightweight pop group from London whose sole interesting feature was an electric mandolin.
No! I refer instead to the dramatic arrival of the scientific method, rationalism and skepticism in the mid-18th Century, more particularly to the Scottish contribution to it.
Why is Conrad banging on about the events of 250 years ago, you ask?
Well, it came about after mentioning "Men In Kilts" yesterday, which featured the Efzones - who have to be at least 6' 1" tall to qualify - and brawny Highlanders chucking felled trees about for fun.
Do not forget that Western concepts of art and science have their roots in the Hellenic civilisation of two and a half millenia ago. Greeks - more than men in
Some of the most influential Scottish contributors to the rise of the age of Reason were men like David Hume (philosophy), Adam Smith (economics) and Robert Burns (
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| Whisk-y |
I know you lot don't believe I've achieved anything without a photograph, so allow me a minute to pop down from the Upstairs Lairs and prove I've done another Paul Hollywood recipe -
- sorry I was so long, I had to witness my Ukranian captives doing a mazurka
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| "M" is also for "Murder", "Mascarpone" and the Head of MI5.** |
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| Yes it's lopsided. IT'S MEANT TO BE! Ahem. That is, check out the recipe book |
Why The Periodic Table Is Your Friend
The periodic table - not, gentle reader, an item of furniture found in your average Victorian boudoir - is the result of a process of evolution over time. Let me show you our current C21 version:
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| Somewhat worryingly, Conrad knows what most of these mean |
Again, An Article Within An Article
Too long to asterisk, which are up to four already anyway, may Conrad relive his
mis-read youth and regale you with "Strontium Dog!"
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| Johnny Alpha (l) and Wulf Sternhammer (r) |
across the Galaxy and usually return them very dead indeed. Most of the "Stronts"
are mutants, the results of the Great Atomic War of 2112, Johnny Alpha being a
prime example. Wulf is a rare exception, being a viking from the 9th Century -
long story, don't ask - and the Stronts also occasionally gad about in time as well as
space. Then there's Durham Red, and The Gronk, and Middenface McNulty -
We now return you to your normal scheduled broadcast -
I feel there is further comic potential in the periodic table, gentle reader. We will probably return here for some strained puns. You want a strained pun to be going on with?
Q. How does a pig get to hospital?
A. In a Hambulance!
Another? Oh go on then -
Q. How does George Michael get to hospital?
A. In a Whambulance!
Another? One last one -
Q. How does <insert hated political figure here> get to hospital?
A. Heartless cybernetic organisms go to a garage not a hospital!
Ahem! I'm sorry for dipping my large, hairy and most definitely mis-shapen toe in the waters of satire. I promise not to do it for ages.
BOOJUM! is very sorry.
Well, a bit sorry.
Okay, BOOJUM! is not sorry at all!
| Yeah! Take that, Sorry! |
No. No tanks today. It's late and I want to polish my brass hand. Have a picture of Nikolai Gogol instead.
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| Looking suspiciously like Johnny Depp. Hang on - do you ever see the two of them in the same place together? |
* Back when it was funny
** This is a non-sequiteur, which you remember from earlier blogs, right?
*** Sorry, just have to say that after his name. Whose name? Dan Carter(FIRESTARTER!)'s name.
**** This may be slightly inaccurate. Or a complete lie
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