Experimentally Early

It's One-Eighteen In The Afternoon
     At least here in the UK.  For those idlers across the Atlantic, it's probably not time to get out of bed yet.  Folks in Moscow are doubtless getting ready for lunch (i.e. a biscuit and a thimble-glass of vodka).
     Anyway, having cunningly plotted what to post, Conrad is going to post in the early afternoon, leaving you all lots of time to generate a ton of hits for the blog.

The Hyphen, And Why You Should <Ahem> Pay It Respec'*
     Yes, the humble hyphen.  Not even a letter in the alphabet, yet thanks to it the world makes sense.
     "What is Conrad drivelling on about now?" you might be wondering, gentle reader, and "Can he get to the point my cuppa's getting cold."
     Imagine, if you will, the phrase "A man eating cake."  Mundane.  Ordinary.  A scene often to be seen at the Mansion.

Too hungry to remove the wrapper

     Now, add a hyphen and the world becomes a terrifyingly unreal place: "A man-eating cake"

Killer in a cupcake case

Similarly, we may encounter the "Fruit-Eating Bears" at Chester or Whipsnade Zoo.  

"Actually I prefer pie.  But you go with what you get."

Now, remove that hyphen and the Triffids are at your door -

This!  This will happen!

Here endeth today's grammar lesson.


Revelations
     My incipient zombie novel.  Don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with details of the latest plot development about teaching, or how our hero is wondering "Why people who speak French?", nor what a "Japank" is.  No.  I've reached Chapter 34 of 40, so still have 6 to go and - will the plot stretch that far?  Otherwise on Draft Two I shall have to muck about with the structure, which I would have done anyway.

A zombie horde.  Honest.  Not Justin Bieber fans, at all.

Non Sequiteur
     Again, BOOJUM! is seeking to improve your knowledge of the world outside.  
     Here we have a gardening term, obviously created by a couple of hippies who'd just been to Japan and were overwhelmed with the Japanese Zen-gardening interaction.  With this protocol you practice Farming Feng Shui, guiding your plants instead of cutting them up with shears and saws, talking to them and apologising when you eat them.
     What?  It's not?
     It simply means something illogical in a conversation.
     <snaps fingers at reality>

Hippy-eating Tofu.  No, hang on - 

The Cat Sat
     Actually the cat sneaked about before sitting.  Look at this series of shots:

Cat-free environment

Still cat-free

I go to the teapot and turn round -

Danger!  Cat Proximity Alert!

Old Grot
     As regular readers know, Conrad regards "Best By" dates on food with wry amusement at best, and at worst ignores them completely.  Whilst digging around in the back of our cupboards, looking for rice paper, I came across a Christmas pudding two years out of date.  No problemo!  As long as it isn't mouldy or rotten, it will get et.
     I do have limits, however.  For example:

Best before September 1997

The actual decorations:

The vile oozing glop ought not to be there.  Obviously!

So I binned them <sad face> but at least I know the expiry date for decorative flowers is 17 years after the packet's recommendation.

To end
     I can't be bothered to put a tank in here, so instead have a Cute Animal Picture of some Red Eyed Loons

NO!  No, why did - ah - yes - sorry

Apologies, dear reader.  Red-Eyed Loons.

Damn.  Powerful thing, the hyphen

* I was going for "street" here, and being down with the kids.  I think I got it.