Thank you Terpsichore! Sometimes, gentle reader, Conrad sits and looks at the screen and wonders what to write. Tonight he has at least 8 or 9 topics; in fact you may get a few of these delivered tomorrow, since - well, let us begin.
Men In Kilts
Efzones!
No, it isn't Armenian for "eructation"*. It's Greek. "Efzones" are the chaps who march up and down outside the Tomb of the Unknown Warrior in Athens.
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| Skilled in avian deterrence. Flee, pigeons! |
Who else hang about in kilts? That's right, Scottish Highlanders. Scotland: a small mountainous country (like Greece), breeding huge hairy men. Remember the chap from the Porage Oats***packet?
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| "Lacking artillery, Highlanders propelled their cannon balls with the power of oats" |
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| Don't call him names, he's carrying the world's biggest truncheon |
Autodidactic
Aha! Again, BOOJUM! ventures into unfamiliar words, the better to educate you, dear reader. "Autodidactic" - clearly - oh so clearly! - is an hideous anachronistic dinosaur monster, a sinister cyborg created by melding machinery with one of those boney beaky batlike things that look like a bird with it's feathers sneezed off.
Yeah. One of those. Except more like this -
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| You wouldn't believe how many cyborg dinosaur pictures there are! Worrying, very worrying |
What's that?
It's not?
It merely means "self-taught"? Oh poo. Ah! hang on -
BOOJUM! The Autodidact
Ha! You see what I did there? Did you? Did - o you did.
As any fule know, Conrad is fond of PG Wodehouse, better known as "Plum", and most especially of the inimitable Jeeves & Wooster stories. Jeeves, as written, is an imperturbable genius of impeccable good taste, breeding and education; Wooster, as written, is an amiable, sociable, affable idiot. Since the stories and novels are narrated by Bertie, one tends to overlook the fact that Plum wrote Jeeves as well, and was thus quite as smart as him.
But! But, dear reader, some of these stories are 90 years old. Their slang, their passing references to things mysterious, their contemporary trademarks, can tend to baffle the uneducated reader - like myself. Bit of a double-edged sword, this education thing.
And Here An Article Within The Article
Much too long to put under an asterisk. Look back at that phrase "double-edged
sword". Why on earth would a swordsmith create a sword without a double-edge?
I mean, there you are, smiting and parrying and hacking and generally trying to give
the other feller a bit of a bad day. You lay one across his chops, expecting him to
expire on the spot - except you hit him with the blunt edge, a mistake he doesn't
make - You see what I mean? If your sword doesn't have two sharp edges, then you've
accidentally brought your kitchen knife along to the party.
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| Also cuts nails |
Q. What is a "beasel"?
A. A young lady of the flapper type
Q. What does "beezer" mean?
A. That an item has attractiveness
Q. What is a "Whangee"?
A. A walking stick made from a type of bamboo.
Q. What is Bohea?
A. Black loose-leaf tea****
All stirring stuff. Also, Bertie is always beginning pithy quotations, only for Jeeves to finish them, so I am getting some poetic inspirations, e.g. "The lark is on the wing, the snail is on the thorn."
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| Pretttty sure this isn't the sort of snail the poet imagined. It is armour-plated, though! |
No! No tanks today! You've had a giant armour-plated snail, what more do you want?
Cute Picture Finish
May I present to you the King of the Thunder Lizards, a dinosaur with teeth like steak-knives, a twenty-tonne behemoth of badness, the Titanic Tyrant -
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| Perhaps I built him up a little too much |
* Burping
** From Bayonne, a town in France
***Proper porage is only ever eaten with SALT! None of yer Sassenach sugar!
**** Conrad, tea-snob, is embarassed at not knowing this
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