Firstly -
Let me wheel out a definition of 'Conflict' from my 'Collins Concise English Dictionary' which is a misnomer as it has 1,953 pages plus ANYWAY it states: "A state of opposition between interests, ideas, etcetera" which is the second definition, and the one we're going for here as it's the most appropriate. Art!
This is O-so-obviously - of course! - an 'Atomic-powered evil donkey', because the image for 'Conflict of interest' was deadly dull. Art!
See what I mean?
In both my HR jobs at the Coop and Sainsbos, part of the contract required one to explain if you had a conflict of interest, such as if you were working for one of the other big retailers like Tesco or Asda, or if your spouse was a manager in those retailers. If you don't declare a conflict of interest and it comes out later that one exists, hello disciplinary and immediate firing. None of that South Canadian euphemism 'being let go'. FIRED!
On with the story, as related on Youtube's Reddit accounts. Snarky Who Irked Munter*, hereafter SWIM, worked in an organisation she wasn't especially fond of, but she needed to pay bills and rent, so she stayed there. One of the less attractive aspects about her workplace was Jake, another colleague who was a Jack Ass Klown Eejit, hereafter JAKE. Art!
He was one of those people who think that claiming to 'just be honest' or 'saying the first thing that came into their head' meant their insulting, boorish and downright horrid behaviour was somehow okay. He had been reported to HR several times and got off with a gentle pat on the wrist; stick a pin in this, it matters later, despite being malicious and cruel, most especially to female staff. He also considered himself to be an 'alpha male', a classification nobody else agreed with. One of his pearls of honesty was to call a pregnant co-worker a cow and ask her why her husband hadn't cheated on her yet.
DING DING DING! Time out. A statement like this in a British office would get JAKE fired on the spot. You can tell this is South Canada without me telling you this is South Canada.
SWIM decided to match insult for insult. For her, the breaking point came when JAKE said she was so flat-chested that she was basically a man.
DING DING DING! again. Time out. A statement like this in a British office would get JAKE fired on the spot. You can tell this is South Canada without me telling you this is South Canada. Art!
She responded by saying 'Jake, are you balding or was your forehead always this inhumanly big?' and I have used a photo of Stephen Miller as an illo, as his balding dome reflects so brightly it can be seen from orbit. When he next tried to butt into one of her conversations, she responded 'See, this is exactly why your daddy left you.' Excellent riposte, by the way.
JAKE immediately runs to HR because his fee-fees are hurt - some alpha male he is! I shall re-dub him Jack Ass Klown Epsilon.
HR instantly scheduled a meeting the next week. SWIM's colleagues, who were all irate that HR had ignored JAKE's previous behaviour, were equally irate that SWIM was getting a disciplinary hearing immediately. They gave her notes on 12 different times JAKE had been a bottomhole and gotten away with it.
Because this was in the 'Am I The Bottomhole?' sub-Reddit, there were Comments, including an hilarious one that went: - as an apology " I am sorry I made fun of your large forehead. I see now that going bald is making you uncomfortable and I will not mention it again." SWIM agreed it was hilarious but actually saying it out loud would definitely get her fired. FIRED not 'let go'! Art?
JAK the Epsilon
Another Comment was absolutely right on the money with their query: "Also, do we know if Jake is friends with this HR person? Because that would explain the pat on the wrist." This inspired SWIM to go digging on teh Interwebz. Be advised that this HR person is called 'Dylan'. What SWIM found and showed to her supervisor so alarmed him that he attended the meeting as well, where she took along the notes from colleagues and her screenshots from Facebook.
Present were: Dylan; Dylan's boss, the head of HR; Jake; SWIM and her supervisor. Dylan kicked things off before anyone else spoke and recommended immediate termination, only to be met with a raised hand from the supervisor, who showed the the FB evidence that JAKE and Dylan were cousins. Ooops. Dylan was immediately kicked out of the meeting, The Head of HR then looked at the written evidence and called a couple of the colleagues into the room to hear from them first hand about JAKE, who was presumably in a condition of needing new underwear. Art!
This is Jake, soiling himself
The meeting ended - and so did JAKE and Dylan. They were both FIRED. Neither of them had admitted the conflict of interest, both kept it a secret that they were cousins, JAKE was creating a toxic work environment and Dylan had exposed the business to costly sanctions from the ignored staff complaints. SWIM said he was also facing legal action from the business but got no further details about this. Possibly being sued for putting their bottom line at risk. However long he had worked there, he's not going to get a reference from the business and might have to leave a gap in his CV.
"Dictionary Attack"
I noticed this in my CCED and made a note to go back and input it as an item. It is defined thus: "An attempt to hack into a computer or network by submitting every word in a dictionary as a possible password."
Hmmm. The CCED has 200,000 words present. The 'Collins English Dictionary Complete And Unabridged' has 750,000. What if, for argument's sake, the network or computer used TWO words? That means using the CCED would generate 40 billion combinations. Even if going at it with one million words per second it would still take over eleven hours. For argument's sake, what if they use THREE words?
I'll let you work out the maths for that one. Art!
More Gentle Shoeing
Conrad is unsure how much the mainstream media - a term I hate using but which is, unfortunately, correct - have covered the fighting around the city of Kupiansk in Ukraine. In case you are unaware, Putinpot's generals have been lying to the botox-faced dictator about how successful they are, and were putting it about that they had captured the city. Art!
The Ukrainians mounted a successful counterattack and kicked orc bottom, forcing them well clear of the city. There are now perhaps 25 orcs hiding in basements or cellars, too scared to surrender or escape.
This situation is verrrry awkward for Putinpot, thanks to his generous offer to Western journalists to come and observe Ruffian control of the city. Expect countless thousands of orcs to be sacrificed to try and capture it and thus make Peter The Average look less bad.
One Sincerely Hopes NOT!
To what am I referring? O I thought you'd never ask! Art?
In case you missed it, go and read 'The Kraken Wakes' by John Wyndham, because the intelligent life living in the deep sea intends to utterly exterminate Hom. Sap. Also, it has icebergs in the English Channel.
You What?
Conrad is no longer phased by the random artefacts being pushed by either Temu or my news feed, and can only wonder what algorithm pushed this piece of kit. Art!
I am sure it's a very sound oscilloscope. Just not what I ever intend to need or use.
* That is, an unpleasant person. In English. In Teuton it means 'lively. Fancy that.
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