You Know Conrad By Now
Ever one to bore people rigid by whanging on about military logistics, especially those to do with the Second Unpleasantness in North Africa, and on the Western Front during the Second Unpleasantness SIT BACK DOWN! this is interesting. Because I say so.
ANYWAY I thought I'd better open with a compelling photograph to ensnare passing traffic, and here it is. Art!
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| Photo courtesy Janet Macdonald |
No, it is not a Damien Hirst installation. This is a British railway car loaded with dozens of tons of barbed wire, headed for a railhead on the Western Front. It would have to be unloaded mechanically for loading onto trucks for onward movement, as it's far too heavy and hazardous for p
ANYWAY AGAIN in this Intro Your Humble Scribe wants to focus on a man you have almost certainly never heard of, despite his very significant contribution to Perfidious Albion getting the better of the wily Wilhemine Hun. Sir Eric Geddes. Art!
This chap was a mover and shaker. As a young man he emigrated from Scotland to South Canada, being rather rootless until he took up a stationmaster job with the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. He ended up as a 'car-tracer'. In case you think this somewhat menial, allow me to quote Google:
a car-tracer refers to the system and process of monitoring the real-time location, status, and health of individual freight cars as they move across the network, providing visibility for shippers, logistics companies, and rail operators
He returned to the UK and was then sent to India in 1895, where he built light railways. We're not told what for; I suspect the transport of tea. He then joined the Rohikund Railroad, until his wife's health meant they had to return to the UK. Geddes joined the North East Railroad in 1904 and had risen to Deputy General Manager by 1911.
'Canaries*' at work
Geddy initially worked on small arms production, where he got production ramped up enormously. Lloyd-George then poached him for work on filling artillery shells at the Ministry Of Munitions, where Geddy increased the efficiency so much that production increased by a factor of 10. Doubtless LG swept in and stole all the credit for himself. Art!
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| Photo courtesy Janet Macdonald A supply train in France. Note the bales of hay, fodder for horses |
This background information was new to me. I'd heard Geddy mentioned in passing in a couple of historical works, and he's probably mentioned extensively in the multi-volume 'History Of The Ministry Of Munitions', which I don't possess.
Enter Field Marshall Haig, who was such a military dunderhead that he immediately recognised management potential when he saw it and made Geddy a Major General, giving him the title of 'Director General Of Military Railways' and 'Inspector General of communications'. There were no protests from Lloyd-George, possibly because he was uncomfortably aware of how talented Geddy was, and was happy to have a potential rival out of the way. Art!
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| Photo courtesy Janet Macdonald |
This illo gives you an idea of the volume and amount of supplies needed to keep the 1.8 million men of the British Army properly equipped, clothed, fed and medicined.
Making Geddy a Major General did not sit well with the upper echelons of the British Army, to which Haig replied: "To put soldiers who have no practical experience of these matters into such positions merely because they are generals and colonels, must result in utter failure!"
Getting down to brass tacks and analyses, Geddy reported back to LG that one of the primary issues causing problems in France and Flanders was shortage of labour. Don't forget, this is 1916 we're talking about, where mechanical impedimenta to substitute for manual labour were not abundant, meaning it was the sweaty military navvy who had to serve. Art!
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| Photo courtesy Janet Macdonald |
Railway stores being offloaded into horse-drawn transport. Note the distinct lack of palletised loads, forklifts or overhead cranes.
Some of Geddy's suggestions to provide labour were for women to substitute for men in clerical roles, in cooking and in baking. Art!
Fed with bread
Thus they would free-up men for front line roles, which said men must have felt pretty cheesed-off about, going from a nice safe telephone job to ducking and diving in a trench. Another suggestion was employing Teuton POWs at base ports, where they were found to be more efficient than the imported Chinese labourers. Teutonic thoroughness and all that. They would have appreciated Geddy.
I have more on this matter but will refrain from unloading it all at once. Perhaps tomorrow. I bet you can hardly wait.
O Goody!
'Daractenus' is a Romanian I follow on Twitter (ha! take that Elong Tusk!), whose English is arguably better than mine, and who regularly comments on the Big Orange Oaf Himself, and Ruffia. He has done two long Tweets with satirical descriptions of, to quote him, 'posh Ruffian cities', which show what an urban hellscape Mordorvia is beyond the capital Barad-Dur ('Moscow' if we're being formal). He has just embarked on a third series. Art!
I can do no better than append his description of Karabash.
Incorrectly thought of as having been bombed and never repaired, Karabash has just enough heavy metals in its breeze to go along with a romantic evening walk, while a dip in the rather suspiciously fish free orange lake is recommended to those looking to join the X-Men.
Art!
Wowsers
I Don't Have A Trumpet So I'm Ringing This Bell
Conrad managed to complete the 'Skeleton' crossword with no cheating or looking at the answers, with all the words in the correct placement. As proof - Art!
You can see from the clues that they don't tell you how many letters are present in a word, which makes things hard. Conrad is not sure that a COURGETTE is really a 'Small form of cucumber' as I think they're closer to a marrow.
Are We Prescient Or What?
A few days ago - code for 'I can't remember when thanks to gin and old age and don't care enough to check' - we highlighted Elizabeth Holmes, the criminally-indicted CEO of Theranos, who was sentenced to 12 years in prison on seven counts of fraud, and who might get out in 2032. Guess what? Art!
It's within DJ Tango's powers to commute a sentence, except he has to know what he's going to get out of it because he doesn't do favours for free. She appealed against her sentence, which was dismissed, so this is her last chance, unless the Flabby Farting Fraudster pardons here, which means she admits her guilt. Art!
BOOJUM!: Crunching Numbers Crushing
Only joking. That's the link. You're welcome.
Failure To Lunch
Not 'failure to launch', 'failure to lunch' because they made a dog's dinner of it. If you're not familiar with the English vernacular, it means to make a disgustrous mess of something. Yes, yet another illuminating episode from the 'Museum Of Failure', which I am so glad I came across. Both because it helps to create content, and it indulges my sense of schadenfreude. Art!
I know what you're thinking. No, it is not the keyboard for a word processor. No, it is not the controller of the latest greatest game-playing console. You cannot microwave with it, nor play dance tunes on it, because it is the 'Sony Google TV Remote'.
That's right, a television remote control. It was miserably unsuccessful thanks to having 88 keys and buttons, and doubtless an instruction manual 995 pages long. The idea of a remote is to minimise effort. My television remote has 47 keys and my DVD remote 41. MOX snarkily riposted with the Apple remote only having 6 buttons. Art!
Finally -
Here's a quote from my 'QI Book Of Banter'.
'Pictures are for entertainment. Messages should be sent by Western Union.' - Samuel Goldwyn.
* Female workers in artillery plant had their skin turned yellow by fumes from curing TNT.
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