Yes, We Are Overdoing It With The 'V' Emphasis
Don't worry, this is not going to be an exhaustive analysis of Thomas Pynchon's novel 'V', which I have read and only vaguely understood, with the ending set in Valetta (Malta), nor yet is it a pondering upon either the film 'V' nor the comic it is derived from. Art!
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| Someday he may write the prequels I, II, III and IV |
For this Intro the theme will be 'Valentine', for reasons which will become clear later on. One of the more famous Valentines is, pretty obviously, Saint Valentine, a Roman convert to Christianity who was imprisoned for giving aid and comfort to Christians being harassed by the Romans. In a staggering display of caddishness, he was brutally beaten to death, after having restored the vision of the head gaoler's daughter. Art!
Dog Buns Roman ingrates! His date is the 14th of February, of which more anon. So, there you have veneration and violence in the same paragraph.
Next up: the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, hardly the most romantic of associations. It did happen, though, and on the 14th of February 1929. Art!
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| Before |
Briefly put, a group of Bugs Moran's bootleggers were rounded up by members of Al Capone's gang, masquerading as policemen, whom then proceeded to shoot them very dead indeed. Art!
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| Very much after |
Conrad noticed Dick Miller as one of the fake cops, and Bruce Dern as one of the victims. For your information the film 'The St Valentine's Day Massacre', which we used for the stills above, is a very accurate reconstruction of what happened. Possibly not a good date movie, though.
ANYWAY my Brewer's informs that the modern form of Valentine's Day is more closely related to the old Roman festival of Lupercalia, which took place on 15th of February, but since this contains no Val, I shall ignore it and move on. Art!
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| Good lord that's elaborate |
Moving to more bucolic and pastoral Valentine's, allow me to introduce Valentine Dyall, the British character actor noted for his splendid voice. Art!
For many years he was known as - er - sorry about the not very romantic overtones here - 'The Man In Black', as he narrated the BBC's radio horror anthology 'Appointment With Fear'.
Then there was Anthony Valentine, whom played the snobbish killer Meres in 'Callan', and most especially the deliciously evilllll Major Mohn in 'Colditz' - Art!
But also the 'gentleman thief' in 'Raffles', which rescues him from being as unromantic as possible. Phew, thanks, Raffles. Art!
Simon Pegg to the rescue with a rom-com! Thank you for retrieving the light and fluffy aspect, although I'm not going to tempt fate and actually read the plot. You never know, there might be zombies or aliens or murderous cults involved.
Why is he here? Duh. Because he was born on the 14th of February 1970.
ANYWAY all of the above is mere preamble, because Conrad's eclectic eye caught sight of a clip on Youtube, which it will be easier to illustrate than bloviate. Art!
Discovered in October 2012, 'VIX', as I will call her, was discovered in the waters of the Warta River in Poland, where she had fallen through the ice in January 1945. Art!
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| The lady gets a scrub |
It's the only Valentine in Poland, one of only a handful in the whole world, and the only one to see combat on the Eastern Front. The narrator describes it as having a '57 mm' gun, which tankie snobs like Conrad would sniff at, since the weapon is a 6-pounder gun. He incorrectly says the weight is 17 tons - I checked in my 'British and American Tanks of World War 2' and it tips the scales at 20 tons. Because the 6-pounder was a much bigger gun than the original 2-pounder, there was room in the turret for only 2 crew, not 3. Art!
That's an awful lot of people for the recovery of a British tank of 1943 vintage that's been sitting in river silt for 80 years. Let's have a look at one in better nick. Art!
This is one in Sinister service. The Sinisters quite liked the Valentine, since it was robust, reliable, and the engine could be slid out on rails for maintenance or replacement. It didn't have the armour or firepower to take on heavy Teuton armour but the 6-pounder would scrag pretty much anything else. Art!
This affable-looking chap is Jacek Kopczynski, Polish entrepreneur and the chap who bankrolled the salvage and who now owns VIX. I've tried to see if she got renovated and believe this to be true, but as she is now in a private collection, pictures are scarce to non-existent. Art!
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| Only shot I could find |
I found some more, along with an article from a Polish newspaper that stated the renovation ought to be done by 2015. We may need to do more digging on this subject, gentle readers.
That's enough of Val and VIX.
You What?
Once again Conrad proves that he is completely out of touch with the world of celebritutes and doesn't regret it for a second. Art!
Never heard of her and don't feel one bit poorer for not knowing or caring who she is or was. Next!
Meanwhile, Back In Mordorvia -
The Ruffians like to imagine Europe freezing over winter, and three years ago produced a very amusing advert about a family eventually having to use their hamster to create electricity, finally eating it when it died. Their trolls had a meme about we in the UK having to resort to eating squirrels, which is blithering nonsense - you try catching a squirrel that doesn't want to be caught. Art!
This AI clip shows Van Der Leyen, Merz and Macron having to burn lumber to stay warm, whilst outside - Art!
Nine days after this was posted, Lavrov is in very, very hot water and the last thing he must feel like is laughing. Let me put up a Tweet from Chuck Pfarrer.
Putin is furious at the cancelation of a planned summit with Trump. Sources report Foreign Minister Lavrov overplayed his hand in a meeting with US Sec’y of State Marco Rubio and the US slammed the door. Now, Lavrov has become the main scapegoat.
This was the supposed summit in Hungary, where Putinpot would be totally legitimised - in his eyes - by meeting BOOH and there would be glad-handing and bribery and blackmail, and a gold-plated 747 would be 'gifted' to Donold. Or something.
Now - not possible, possibly not ever. Art!
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| Neigh, Horseface |
Tea or window?
Now It Makes Sense
One scene from that epic for the ages, 'Wayne's World' has always puzzled Conrad. The crew draw up alongside a Rolls Royce in Garth's grubby little motor. Art!
Wayne makes a 'wind-your-window-down' motion to the Roll's passenger, who obliges. Art!
- enquires Wayne, at which the other person rolls up their window and drives off.
Wait, what?
Until I read a story on Youtube today, which mentioned 'Grey Poupon'. It's French Dijon mustard, and there was a famous advert that featured it. Famous in South Canada, I'd not seen it before today. Art!
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| The condiment in question |
Well, now we know. It only took 33 years for enlightenment to dawn.
Going Back To 'V'
Another entry from that model for the ages, Ambrose G. Bierce's 'The Devil's Dictionary'.
Vote (n): The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Conrad cannot but agree. Democracy - the worst form of government apart from all the others.
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