Back To Bedlammo

'Twas The Best Pun I Could Come Up With

For the inevitable return to BOVINGTON TANK MUSEUM!  Don't whine, Conrad giving up his time and effort to acquaint you with 'Tiger Day' means you don't have to expend 6 hours travel each way and a £20 ticket when you get there.  Although parking on a non-event day will be much easier.  Art!

Pz III - you can tell by the 3 return tollers under the top track

     This is a Panzer III, for a good 3 years the principal tank of the Teutons, until they weren't able to up-gun it any more.  They originally had a short 37 mm gun, which was replaced by a short 50 mm gun, and then a long 50 mm gun, with additional armour being added to the front hull.  Art!

     Here is the AFV  that the day is named after - Tiger 131, which number ident is just visible on it's turret side in the top photo.  In the lower photo it had slowly ascended to the top of that small hill.  Col, who has forgotten more about engines than Conrad will ever know, remarked that, even at the distance we stood, he could hear the Mayback engines struggling to cope with the incline.  This is what happens when your design spec is for a 45 ton vehicle and it tips the scales at 56 instead.  Art!

     Yes, that's 'Fury' again, showing off the Horizontal Volute-Spring Suspension, lining up behind the Lee, an example of how rapidly South Canadian tank design had progressed in all of 2 years.  As you can doubtless tell from the umbrella and hood, the rain had arrived in plentiful amounts just to remind us that this is the Allotment Of Eden at the start of autumn.  Art!

     Behold the Cromwell, another in the British hierarchy of cruiser tanks whose names have to begin with 'C'.  The Crom was extremely nippy, getting up to 40 mph on flat ground, pretty good going for a 28 ton steel box on tracks.  If you look closely you can see the bolts attaching extra appliqué armour to the turret.  Conrad recalls Crom tank commander David Bellamy, in extremis, ordering his driver to floor the accelerator in order to jump a Dutch canal.  They made it (but only just!).  Art!

The 'Killer Shed On Tracks'

     This monster is the experimental British FV4005, nicknamed both 'Spud' and another less SFW one that ends in '-barn'.  What you can't experience here is just how noisy it was on the concrete apron, rattling and squealing as you'd imagine a stereotypical tank to do.

      Spud was not designed to one-up Sinister tanks, although it must burn the Ruffians that this is THE BIGGEST GUN EVER MOUNTED ON A TANK.  The enormous 3.5 ton L4A1 gun is 183 mm, loading a projectile that came in two parts and massed 212 pounds.  The intention was for a gun that could defeat 6" of armour at over a mile, sloped at 60º.  Art!

     Thanks to recoil, the turret could only be traversed 45º or the tank would topple over were the gun to fire.  Thankfully it didn't take part in the re-enactment or the audience would have gone home deaf.  Art!

     The last two shots I got of the tanks on parade before the drive-around ended and we hid from the rain inside the Vehicle Conservation Hall.  The top photo is interesting in it's own right, as this shows a Matilda in British European camouflage, not an Australian Matilda in jungle camo.  So it represents one of the BEF's tanks in France as of 1940.  Just so we're clear.

     In the second photo a Churchill Mk IV is parked behind Matty. That is all.  Art!

     This is a Sinister T-34, the up-gunned variant with an 85 mm gun adapted from an anti-aircraft weapon.  There is no question that the T-34 design was outstanding: sloped armour, a large (for the time) 76 mm gun and a lightweight aluminium engine, with large road wheels in a Christie suspension design.  Note also the very broad tracks which made driving over snow or mud a doddle.  The Teutons, for one, were extremely unhappy to encounter them during the onset of Operation Barbarossa, as they had far better tank firepower than anything the Wehrmacht possessed.

     HOWEVER - a word you surely knew was coming - there were intrinsic failings with the T-34.  The sloped armour effectively increased armour thickness, yes, but it also reduced internal space.  They didn't have radios, or a cupola for the commander, and to get out of second gear required whacking the gear lever with an officially-supplied mallet, nor did they have a turret 'basket', meaning the crew had to shuffle around in tridem if the turret rotated.  Art!

"Moskva something"

     I think we're all tanked-out for the moment.

Celebrating Failure

Yes, we're back at the 'Museum Of Failure' again, to indulge in a little historical  schadenfreude and mockery.  Art!

     Talk about typical Teuton over-engineering, which we weren't (see above Intro however).  This is the 'Juicero', a juicer that debuted in 2016 and retailed for $700.  It was supposedly internet-enabled, for no good reason except you can charge more for bells and whistles.  Nor could you juice fruit or vegetables that you chose yourself; no, because you were a captive audience whom had to order special packs from Juicero.  At $5 per pack.  Which were only usable for 8 days.  

     A few people were sceptical about this gadget and Bloomberg Technology decided to do a test on a Juicero pack, squeezing it by hand, versus the machine itself.  Art!

     Conrad is unsure what the disgusting green glop that resulted is.  The end for both hand and machine squeezing was exactly the same.  Art!

     Ooops.

     
     This video not only put the final nail in the coffin, it excavated the grave, lowered the pine box into it and covered it over, because by September 2017 the company closed down.

"The War Illustrated Edition 214 31st August 1945"

Why were they still publishing this magazine weeks after the Second Unpleasantness had ended?  Hmmm possibly because the editors and readers wanted to point and laugh at the ruins of the Third Reich and the Japanese Co-Prosperity Sphere.  After six years of conflict allow them a little schadenfreude.  Art!

     Technically the Sinister Union rather than Ruffia, but we'll let that stand.  The Sinisters conquered Sakhalin, which, as is their wont, they have never returned to Japan.  They were also advancing upon an enemy who'd just been atom-bombed, twice, and whose heart wasn't really in it.  In the Korean peninsula, the Sinisters dealt with the north and the South Canadians the south, meeting at the 38th Parallel, which is where the Norks and Sorks observe their inner border today.

Aside From All The Legal Ramifications

Art!

     They state that the broadcast never occurred in South Canada, meaning BOOH has an uphill struggle from day one.  

harm must occur where the case is brought,

his reputation was pretty damaged on this issue before," said Mr Stevens.

"There have been judicial findings, congressional hearings, global media coverage around 6 January. 

     The Orange Land Whale would also have to prove malicious intent.  As for the $1 to $5 billion he's supposedly suing for?  Not Dog Buns! likely is the legal assessment.  What Donold wants is for the BBC to pony up $10 million or so to make the suit go away.

     Conrad would also like to point out that DJ Tango may end up a drooling vegetable by the time any legal redress is approached, thanks to his ongoing dementia, not to mention death by heart attack thanks to hauling his 300 lb carcase against gravity as he walks up a flight of steps.  Art!

Stairs are difficult

For The First Time In Months

Your Humble Scribe is listening to his I-pod again via the monitor and it's speakers.  I have not managed to find a way to play anything that's not in random order.  Maybe next time.  Art!

     Time to end this farrago and go walk Edna along the shores of Lake Tandle.  Cheerio!