Admittedly, We Are A Little Early For Christmas
However - first word of the Intro no less! - we are going to be covering that sinister entity, the Home Owners Association, under several iterations in the blog today, which will be a big disappointment for all those thirsting for more BOVINGTON TANK MUSEUM or 'Charley's War'. Art!
This first tale concerns the thrifty yet wealthy owner of a big HVAC business in South Canada. Heating, Ventilation and Air-Conditioning before you ask. His wife got it into her head that they needed a very big house to show how wealthy they were, and Mr HVAC, to keep her happy, bought a 'Macmansion'. Since it was a new build, all the trees were small, scrawny specimens. Art!
Mr HVAC bins one that obviously won't make it through the winter.
Next he knows, the HOA send him a letter saying he has to replace the tree. Mr HVAC disputes this, vehemently, until he comes home from work one day to discover a new tree where he'd uprooted the old one, and a bill in his mailbox.
SO YOU HAVE CHOSEN WAR. Mr HVAC then uproots all the trees in his garden, thus initiating a case brought against him in court by the HOA. Does he care about this? Not one jot! Because he is a very wealthy man, he instructs his attorney to pursue the case until it bankrupts the HOA. Which it did, as by the end of the case they couldn't even afford to send out their newsletter. Upon which, having reduced them to a penniless cipher, Mr HVAC replants all his trees, including the weedy one. Art!
Mr HVAC triumphant
In our next iteration, the HOA in question had rules about home owners only having ONE 'decoration' on their front porch or lawn. Chair Liking Aspirational Man, hereafter CLAM, put two chairs on his front porch for sitting out when the evening was balmy.
He promptly gets a comm from the HOA about having TWO 'decorations' of which one needs removing within 24 hours, and you can bet the brave keyboard warrior who typed that out got so, so excited about it.
SO YOU HAVE CHOSEN WAR. CLAM read all the rules and regulations about lawn decorations, which - you may be ahead of me here - did NOT specify anything about the decoration itself, only that there could be ONE. Art!
CLAM searched for and found the most obnoxious lawn decoration he could find, a 7 foot inflatable sphere with what he describes as a 'Nekkid mermaid-looking thing foating about inside it'. No, BOOJUM! isn't going to go looking for any such lawn ornament, we are very much SFW. He also put up a sign claiming that there was a security camera watching the sphere, to prevent any - ah - 'accidents' from happening. Because the HOA's Board Of Directors went absolutely mental about the sphere, sending CLAM 6 letters in the space of 48 hours, ranting about his 'decoration' and how he was required to remove it. Art!
CLAM responded to them with an extract from their very own Rules & Regulations, asking them to inform him which section he was in violation of, and that continuing to harass him without legal sanction would result in his attorney getting involved and taking action against the entire Board. After a few weeks CLAM's lawyer friend informed the Board that, pending his damages suit, for discovery he would need complete financial details from all the Board members. This threat frightened the Board so much - because any financial mischief they were up to would instantly be uncovered - that they all signed a formal apology in the next HOA newsletter. Art!
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| CLAM triumphant |
The next HOA meeting removed any limits on porch decorations and also said any lawn decorations needed to be under 4 feet tall.
Another example of thumbing one's nose at the HOA came in a Comment on CLAM's story, from Legal Utility Vendor, hereafter LUV. They fell foul of the HOA about a wicker love-seat they had on their balcony, which the HOA wanted gone because it wasn't 'outdoors' furniture by their lights. Art!
Out of pettiness and spite, two entirely understandable emotions, LUV went and bought a second-hand vending machine and put this on their balcony. Predictably the HOA went ballistic about this but couldn't do anything because it was on the 3rd floor, so not accessible to the public; the manual specified that it was an 'outdoor' installation; and it worked. All of which put it beyond their remit. For the two years that LUV remained there. What price that wicker love-seat now, BOD?
Inflation And Other Weeds
In the garden of Mordorvia. Thanks to 'Jason Jay Smart' for discussing these points in detail and adding-in actual totals in dollar values. Art!
If you can't make these out, just be aware that the Ruffian economy is in a bad state and gets worse every week now, when in 2024 it was every month. The state will inevitably try to squeeze more money out of their orc population by increasing taxes, which already went up in August. Now the proposal is to increase VAT from 20% to 22%, which will probably have the reverse effect intended, as the Ruffians buy less stuff and thus pay less in taxes. Putinpot has already been railing at his orcses not eating enough fish and cheese, which is because THEY CANNOT AFFORD THEM! for the hard of thinking. Don't forget, Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks thinks you can control the economy by shouting at it. Plus, always add 9% to any 'official' total for inflation, as this is what was struck off without explanation in 2023. Art!
After BOOH imposed oil sanctions thanks to his fee-fees getting hurt, the price of Ruffian Urals crude dived to $47.46 per barrel. It may recover over time, but this is getting perilously close to the extraction price of $42 per barrel.
When The Past Was Horrid
People tend to romanticise the past, looking at it as idyllic compared to modern living. Art!
Case in point
HOWEVER - twice in one day! - I bookmarked an article about a coastal town on the south coast called 'Tide Mills', so named because of a flour mill there that derived motive power from - you may be ahead of me here - the tide. Art!
The village's origin is in 1761, when it prospered and thrived, until a century later when a railway line opened at Seaford, making it cheaper to send wheat to London to be milled. In 1875 a massive storm badly damaged the mill and partially filled it's pond with stones. Tradespeople and villagers began to leave, beginning a long slow decline. By 1937 the press had gotten hold of the story and
- "the squalor in which residents lived. It highlighted a lack of running water, sewage facilities and electricity. Water was sourced from a single standpipe shared by all six houses, general waste was removed and discarded into the sea, and each house had a small outside building containing an earth closet whose contents had to be emptied and carried to the sea."
Modern life may be rubbish but it does have indoor plumbing and flush toilets*.
The acme of Western civilisation
You Can't Fight City Hall, Or The Sea
We did comment last week on a home being demolished as tidal erosion put it at risk of collapsing into the sea. Now another property in Suffolk, at Thorpeness, is getting the demolition treatment as the cliff eroded to it's very doorstep. Art!
We cover this not to point and laugh but to commiserate with the 88-year old resident who had to move out and live with family. Until or unless councils and local authorities take action to mitigate or prevent coastal erosion, this kind of event will, sadly, continue. Art!
This is the same property in August 2025, showing how much has been lost in just 2 months.
And on that note I have to travel into Lesser Sodom for a roll-on deodorant.
* Except not for 20% of the Mordorvian populace
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