Don't Worry, Conrad Has Not Gone Insane And Deranged And Tasteless
We are not promoting, publicising, presenting, praising or palling-up with That Film Which Will Not Be Named, which traduced a classic animation from the Thirties, featuring an actress who demonstrated that films need a Tongue Wrangler for some of their cast, and was outright Uncanny Valley in it's depiction of hideously deformed mutants, who were minors (it says here). Art!
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| For a Republic, they surely love their princesses, hmmmm? |
No! Instead we are instead addressing the Caucasus, whose name means both "Ice-Shining" and "White With Snow". You are bound to have heard this name mentioned if you watch news even once a fortnight, and if Art will put down his bowl of coal -
Don't be fooled by the fact that these countries cluster together, they have precious little in common and in fact Armenia and Azerbaijan are at daggers drawn, a tradition that goes back centuries.
Let me now abruptly change track and mention the CSTO, or 'Collective Security Treaty Organisation', a rather feeble Ruffian attempt to counter NATO (don't mention NAFO, that only enrages the orcs) which includes Armenia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Ruffia and Tadjikstan.
Actually more like 'included' Armenia. You see, the CSTO did not intervene in 2023, when the Azeris very cannily attacked Armenia and over-ran the pocket 'Republic of Nagorny-Karabakh', whose Armenian population promptly skedaddled back to Armenia proper. Art!
I say 'cannily' because Mordorvia was at the time utterly embroiled in it's Special Idiotic Operation, and couldn't spare anyone to intervene or sweep up afterwards in the Caucasus. In fact, Ruffians were killed in this offensive by the Azeris 'accidentally', to exactly no consequences.
The Prime Minister of Armenia, Pashinyan, did not take this utter torpor of the CSTO lying down. The Ruffian 'peacekeepers' stationed at Yerevan's airport (capital city of Armenia) were told to leave, and did so. Ruffian state media tried to portray it as a nostalgic farewell, as they meanwhile departed to nil Armenian response. Ol' Pashy also said Armenia isn't paying anything towards the CSTO, which it probably feels is more like 'Caucasians Shouldn't Trust Orcs'. Their permanent representatives have left and Ruffian state propaganda channels have been shut down. Ooops. Art!
Armenia is now seeking membership of the EU and distancing itself from Ruffia. O boy, Putinpot's circle of friends grows ever smaller, hmmm?
We're not done yet. The Ruffians refused to intervene between Azeris and Armenians, yet managed to bodge a military response so badly in December 2024 that Azerbaijan hates them, too. Art!
This is the wreckage of what's left of Azerbaijani Airlines flight 8243. The Ruffians immediately and loudly claimed it had been downed by a bird-strike, it was birds, birds were responsible, only birds. Art!
The gaping shrapnel holes all over the fuselage disproved this point. Whilst flying over Grozny it had been targeted by a Ruffian SAM battery, which was ordered to fire a missile at it. Typically Ruffian, it missed, so they fired another, which exploded near enough to cause extensive damage. The Ruffians then refused them permission to make an emergency landing anywhere in Mordorvia, and were probably readying more missiles, forcing the plane to cross the Caspian Sea and crash land. Miraculously, 29 people survived.
To say the Azeris were angry is to understate in a typical British way. They were livid. Their President, Aliyev, made a pronouncement:
“First, the Russian side must apologise to Azerbaijan. Second, it must admit its guilt. Third, punish the guilty, bring them to criminal responsibility and pay compensation to the Azerbaijani state, the injured passengers and crew members,”
Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks did half-apologise, but Ruffia will never admit guilt or punish the guilty, which has soured relations with Baku, permanently. Art!
The profiling, arrest, torture and killing of two Azeris in Mordorvia has also stoked up tensions, to the extent that Ruffian 'Sputnik' broadcasters in Baku have been arrested in retaliation, on the grounds that they work for the FSB. Art!
Prez Aliyev is very, very angry
Aliyev was notably absent from Bunker Midget Grandad's Victory Parade in Moscow in May, and has maintained a role supporting Ukraine. The forthcoming visit to Baku of the Ruffian Deputy Prime Minister has been cancelled, as have ALL Ruffian shows, performances, presentations and ladies flower-arranging contests.
This is not a mere bagatelle. Azerbaijan punches well above it's weight thanks to it's enormous oil and gas resources. The Puffy-Phaced Petrol Pimp has made another enemy, a rare talent he has in spades. 'Criminal Soviet Terror Organisation'?
We mentioned Kazakhstan yesteryon. Keep watching for more 'Stan information!
The Ginger Pudding
Conrad likes ginger. As I type these lines, I am sipping a slightly tepid glass of Ginger Beer, which is nothing like as fiery as the label would have you believe.
ANYWAY I thought I would update on the Ginger Pudding, which I have gone on about a tad. Art!
That's the view of the base, where you can see the crystallsed ginger that I added, for extra gingerness. plus a tablespoon of Ginger Purée. It isn't bad as a steamed pudding, but Your Idle Workshy Fop ought to have cut it up and wrapped the pieces to keep it fresher. Probably needs going in the fridge, too.
Here's One That Struck Me
Any readers of long-standing will be aware that Conrad is a big fan of The Comsat Angels, and I will go to considerable lengths to mention them here, with an illo. So. Art!
That's 'Waiting For A Miracle', their magisterial debut album, and here you see a photo of Sheffield city centre, in a shot that I'm positive was copied on an episode of 'Doctor Who'. Art!
Randomly-generated screensaver on my laptop, which I thought embodied the same spirit. No idea where or what it is. Soz.
The Melbourne Metaphorical Meat Massacre
This acerbic tale comes from a Department Manager in a very large supermarket in Australia, who ran the Meat department. As background, Meaty Matey, hereafter MM, explained that this took place during Christmas, which is one of the hottest times of the year in Oz. Also, being Christmas, they were stocked up to the rafters, which Conrad can support, having worked in stores at Christmas; there's no spare room anywhere. Art!
This is the staff break room
MM had also been formally written up about food temperature issues in the past, and so listed the company statement concerning this: "Food safety guidelines are a legal document, and are not up for negotiation or interpretation, and must be adhered to, to the letter."
At 15:00 the store undergoes a power-cut. Oooops.
As per Food Regulations, MM knows the clock is ticking and if the meat in storage goes above 4ºC for more than 2 hours, it must be dumped, with tests carried out every 15 minutes. When 17:00 rolls around, he starts to bin the meat, only to be screamed at by the Store Manager, who says a refrigerated truck is on the way and he's to stop throwing food away. Art!
You can guess what MM's response was. "Food safety guidelines are a legal document, and are not up for negotiation or interpretation, and must be adhered to, to the letter." Not only that, he called the Area Manager to let him know what was going on. Just For Your Information, an Area Manager lords it over several different supermarkets in a particular region, and he considerrably outranks a mere Store Manager.
The Area Manager arrived in-store. You should know that commercial retailers cannot afford to adopt Conrad's sneering dismissal of Food Safety Regulations. The Store Manager was shouted at, very loudly, behind closed doors and fired shortly after. MM says on an unrelated matter but I have my doubts.
Since we are well over Count I think we'll revisit this item as a Redux in future. I bet you can hardly wait.
You What?
A sub-editor is trying to fill up space, I'm telling you. Art!
That is all. Thank you and goodnight.
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