Bear With Me On This One
For we are going into another deeeeep dive into that farrago 'Zombieverse' and bash it about with the weapons of logic, real world physics and the essential nature of Hom. Sap. The title is thus NOT a typo for that Queen song, but it does serve as a handy clickbait illo that Art will put up once I prod him awake with this bamboo skewer. Art!
I've no idea what the song sounds like and care less, as I was never a big fan. The only song of their's I'm au fait with is 'Bohemian Rhapsody' because you couldn't escape the Dog Buns! thing in 1974. As for 'Death On Two Vegs' - Art!
Either 'Zombieverse' or Norilsk
ANYWAY back to Sork zombie drama. I trailed the second episode with a rather blurry photograph of the screen, showing 'Star Mart', a Korean supermarket. Art!
NOTE TOTAL LACK OF ZOMBIES. Just to point out a minor detail for you, gentle readers. Art!
Still no zombies. I may be over-emphasising the point. I don't care. Once again, whose blog is it? Art!
I know, I know, still no veg. Bear with me! This shot is rather telling; judging by the blood on the floor there has been skulldiggery afoot, so the survivors need to be wary.
HOWEVER - O my lovely word again! - note that there is a body lying there in the middle of the aisle. Lying there. A potential zombie.
Also, note that this supermarket is on the outskirts of Seoul. Yet it has already been subject to zombie attack. Our survivors, bar a 20 minute detour to get fuel, have been driving all this time to get from central Seoul to this site on the outskirts. That means they've been travelling for about 15 kilometres in the space of an hour, give or take, which is reasonable given potential traffic jams, roadworks, accidents and diversions en route.
Therefore the average land speed of a zombie is over 15 kilometres per hour, as Zombie Zero reanimates in the city's centre, and here we are on the outskirts. That's Olympic sprinter ability. For dead people. Are we saying willing suspension of gob-smacked incredulity yet? Art!
This is the surviving group making a tumult inside Star Mart. Still no zombies lurking in the interior as they battle to close doors and lock the unalive outside where they belong.
Surprise! there are already survivors present in the back room of the store, and the two groups merge to debate, discuss and generally jaw jaw jaw about what to do. Art!
None of them carry a weapon. Na-Rae's crutch doesn't count, she needs it to move about, not parry the slavering undead hordes. So, once again, the survivors deliberately choose to go unarmed and undefended, in a store that is large enough to have a camping display, where one would expect tools such as machetes, hatchets and lump hammers to be present. Art!
Being safely ensconced in the admin office, they send out two witless warriors to collect supplies, who can be seen above chucking stuff into a cardboard box. You know, one of those things without wheels that is fragile and prone to collapse if overloaded, unlike, say A SHOPPING TROLLEY.
They are supposed to be watched over by the other survivors via the store's CCTV system. Supposed. Art!
In fact nobody pays the slightest attention to the screens, as is evidenced above, so the two bafunes out gathering food in the cardboard box discover shortly.
Our two wasted witless warriors - for they thought it wise to get hammered on beer whilst collecting supplies - once again completely ignore the potential zombie corpses lying around the store, of whom we see at least two. Do the WWW bother to chuck the bodies outside? No. Cover the head with a carrier bag? No. Secure their wrists and ankles with gaffer tape? No. Once again, we need a willing suspension of gob-smacked incredulity, and how did the South ever defend itself against the Norks if they're all as stupid and inept and cowardly as this? Art!
The cardboard box collapses, and only then do the dormant zombies awake, because the plot demands it. Note the WWW deliberately don't arm themselves with beer bottles, either full or empty. Art!
Apologies for the rather blurred photograph here. It still gets across what I wanted to underline, that there are about a dozen zombies inside Star Mart who only show up when the plot requires. You can barely tell from the fuzzy picture quality, but there's one employee on stilts, dressed as a lanky veg of unknown variety, easily 8 feet tall. Where were they hiding for the past 40 minutes? Incredible Teleporting Zombies, I tell 'ee.
Before we complete this Intro, or Conrad dies of apoplectic rate, a last illo, if you will, Art?
Hong-Shul with their ceremonial tool-cum-weapon, which never gets used.
You What?
Conrad readily admits that any news media broadcasting about sports will leave him baffled, since they assume that anyone watching has a baseline knowledge that I lack completely.
Not merely sports: reality TV and - whatever this gobbledygeek* is. Art!
Again, NOT INTERESTED
Conrad is on a hateful roll as of this minute, as I've seen another sidebar item on the BBC's News webpage that prompted a rapid and dismissive response. Art!
I do not know nor do I care. Today I learned that there are so many photos of female ballfooters infesting the media because it is 'Yoo Row 25' which is about practicing for the Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race. I think.
You might just as well ask "Which big-screen gems best capture the power of tiddlywinks?" and after that I put the phrase into the AI Art Genny. Art!
The Biter Bit
It seems that Putinpot has signed into law another restrictive law in Modern-day Mordor, this one fining any Ruffian looking for 'extremist' information on-line, where they probably leave any definition of 'extremist' very vague indeed. The better to obtain fine money because the Mordorvian economy is circling the drain in ever-decreasing circles and needs all the money it can lay it's hot sweaty talons on. Art!
Ol' Beefy explains to the Ruffian trolls who love to post their drivel on pro-Ukrainian Twitter accounts, that his threads are now, by definition, extremist. Turn up and do your bot-farm job and your salary might get garnished, what could possibly go wrong? Art!
Orcs at play
One way around this problem might be for bot operators to acquire accreditation so they can post free from the worries of being prosecuted and fined. Said accreditation obtained from the Ministry of Digital Development, a steal at ₽150,000 each, with a ₽50,000 renewal fee every year quarter month. Gosh, who would have thought!
A Touch Of Levity
Or maybe the opposite. Right, take Bulgaria, that bucolic land in the East of Europe that nobody west of the River Bug knows anything about, except when Conrad puts up an item about Nadka Karadjova and 'A Lambkin Is Bleating', or they come across tinned aubergine in a Polsky Sklep.
ANYWAY their national currency is the 'Lev', which, if Art will put down that bucket of nutty slack he's snacking on -
They use the Cyrillic alphabet, too.
Well, as of January 2025 the Lev will be gone, abandoned in favour of the almighty Euro. Conrad feels a touch of sadness that the exotic currencies of Europe are now all being binned in favour of the blandest of bankeries. O well, at least Perfidious Albion hasn't succumbed.
Finally -
Better go and chilli sauce up those remaindered salmon fillet. Ta ta!
* Like gobbledygook just a touch more extreme.
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