When Done Properly
If managed in proper style, being constructively idle can look like working hard. Conrad remembers the tale of a Spanish conscript who wandered around with a clipboard, whom everyone deemed to be carrying out orders and was thus left alone. Surprise! he had no orders, he was just both inventive and idle. His cover story, of counting lightbulbs or similar nonsense, failed when he was challenged by the Officer In Charge Of Lightbulbs Or Similar, but he had a good run for his money. Art!
This hilarious invention exists because South Canadian manglement is full of bottomholes. They don't believe anyone working from home is actually working, and often have software spying on WFH employees that tracks how often their mouse is being used, on the principle that No Mouse Movement = No Work Being Done. There are scads of these devices available, which implies manglement are not just bottomholes, they are now deceived and ignorant bottomholes. Who knew.
ANYWAY Today's Intro concerns more manglement and a whole lot of Malicious Compliance. Art!
This, Gentle Reader, is an utility truck, as driven by our narrator, Devious Utility Truck Charge-Hand, hereafter DUTCH. One of the metrics that the business used to judge his performance was 'idle time', when the engine was running but the vehicle was stationary. The target rate was 3%, which DUTCH was unable to hit thanks to consistently getting stuck in traffic. An occupational hazard of working in a city. Instead his idle rate peaked at 12% and rarely got lower than 10%, for which manglement gave him a written warning, which is one step removed from getting the sack.
DUTCH considered this Game On! Art?
If the problem was the utility truck's engine running when stationary, then his solution was to turn it off when stationary. Stop sign? Engine off. Red Light? Engine off. Traffic jam? Engine off. Roadworks? Engine off.
Unsurprisingly, DUTCH's idle time went to 0%, win-win, smiles all round, confetti and -
Er - no.
As DUTCH - the 'D' is there for a reason - explained, when the engine was running it was charging his two phones, laptop, tablet and various bits of electrical kit whose batteries needed recharging. With no engine running, all this demand drained the truck's own battery, causing it to die.
A lot! Art?
Every time his truck died, the business had to send out a tow truck to jump start it back to life again, a process that took at least 2 hours each time. This happened so often they recalled his truck and gave it an inspection, which showed nothing was wrong. Of course there wasn't. 'D' for Devious, remember?
Then they give him a new truck. Same set of problems.
Then they give him a third truck. Same set of problems.
By now these escalating and repeating problems are playing havoc with DUTCH's work schedule, because don't forget he has electrical utility jobs to carry out, and they either being hugely delayed or cancelled altogether. Eventually the Big Wig himself sits down with DUTCH and goes through his daily routine, trying to see what's causing the problems, including the "Stop sign? Engine off. Red Light? Engine off. Traffic jam? Engine off. Roadworks? Engine off. ". Art!
Predictably, the Big Wig was incensed and wanted to know the reason, so he got the explanation that DUTCH had been given a written warning due to excessive Idle Time.
Justice was served. The write up was binned and the lower manglement given a stern talking-to by the Big Wig, because Idle Time was never, ever mentioned again. One can only imagine what the cost of all those two trucks, vehicle inspections, reassignments, etcetera came to, and the fact that this management metric got scrapped implies it was never that useful in the first place.
With Fiends Like This -
Or, more of the misery sandwich for Putinpot, because these changes are only going to accelerate and widen over time, long after he offs himself in his cell at The Hague (well, a man can dream, can't he?).
I am referring to the changing political landscape in the 'Stans and the Caucasus, two areas that Modern-day Mordor likes to think are in it's sphere of influence, except the tense should be 'were'. Art!
This is part of the CSTO joint operation that took place in January 2022, when Ruffia, Armenia and Belarus all helped the Kazakh government overcome extensive civil unrest. They were formally invited in, before you raise an eyebrow, and everything seemed tickety-boo.
Well, the Special Idiotic Operation transpired after that, which has drastically affected how the Kazakhs see Mordorvia. Art!
Kazakhstan is now partnering with Singapore, to build an ammunition facility, which will produce artillery shells in 155 mm calibre. So what? I hear you quibble. This is significant because 155 mm is the NATO-standard calibre; Sinister and Ruffian ordnance uses 152 mm, meaning no compatibility or common use.
Things go further, as mentioned by the Ruffian political blogger Igor Dmitriev, not by any Western or Ukrainian pundits nor even NAFO. Art!
Danger Igor Dmitriev! Stay away from these!
Igor informs that Kazakhstan now has a military treaty with the UK, and is going to be sending it's officer candidates to Sandhurst HURRAH! They are also adopting a Western model for a territorial reserve army. Mordorvia is now more akin to a threat than an ally.
O dearie me.
We'll come back to this, it has legs.
Finally Up
No, this isn't the final 'Finally -' that we end the blog with, it's the last of the ten 'Metro' recommendations for zombie films. Art!
That's all 10 accounted for, Gasp! I'll need to start creating my own content.
Rosewater
On a very minor note, I'm going to be making more of that Kulfi tonight, and remembered we have a bottle of this - Art!
Rosewater. Definitely going to add a few drops in. I wonder what the sell-by date is? I mean, it's water, it's not going to go off, is it? It hardly gets used thanks to being a very niche ingredient.
Fingers crossed it's still in the cupboard and I didn't bin it during the big purge.
Where Is This Heatwave?
Here in the heights above Lesser Sodom, and indeed waaaay above Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell, the skies are completely overcast, so we have no direct sunshine. There is even a bit of a breeze to move the muggy air around. One of my colleagues stated that it was as hot as 'Satan's armpit' in her house and she'd gladly sit outside to WFH were it not for the incessant passing of police cars. Art!
The rain in Spain has gone, again. I daresay it'll turn up here in the north west of the Allotment of Eden.
Did I Photograph That Ginger Pudding?
I may have posted already about how I was going to do another Ginger Pudding, except do it right and not have it become soggy and stewed. Pretty certain I didn't post a picture of the better pudding. Maybe along with the Spartacus gladiator school photos.
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