Which Is, Obviously, Hungarian For 'Merry Christmas!'
You might well be thinking that Conrad is indulging in his pash for exotic European languages, and you'd not be wrong, but today we have an Intro featuring a Reddit Pro-revenge story that involves the land of the Magyars, and Germany, and Serbia. Art!
Two out of three
For your information, the lady posting this story, Serbian Expatriate In Germ - ah, perhaps not. Serbian LAdy Motorist, I think hereafter SLAM, lived and worked (I presume) in the land of the Teutons, and never mentions a husband or partner. Art!
I think I confused the poor erratic AI Art Generator. Note the absence of a top and windscreen, must be tough on the eyes what with wind, dust and insects.
ANYWAY SLAM decided she was going to take her children with her to visit the grandparents in Serbia for Christmas, which meant a long drive through Germany from Hamburg in the north, then south-east across Hungary to the Serbian border. The children being two under two and a seven-year old. This would mean a long, long journey and whilst the older child might be reasoned with, the toddlers not so much. Art!
This is the Hercegszántó - Backi Breg Customs checkpoint on the Hungarian-Serbian border, where anyone entering or leaving is very thoroughly checked, since Serbia is not part of the EU. Hungarian Nemzeti Adó- és Vámhivatal (National Tax and Customs Administration) websites advise to expect long queues, especially at peak times. Like Christmas.
Thus, when SLAM reached the border crossing, the traffic queue was a mile long, with a delay of hours to get processed. Progress was five yards at a time (she used meters but I'm going with Imperial because once again, whose blog is it?). Her children got restless, as children stuck inside an uninteresting metal box will do, so SLAM got on with being a mother and driver. Art!
Fun was had by all
Whilst she did this, two buses moved forward, creating a 40-yard gap, which three cars behind her took advantage of, cutting in ahead of her. This is not permitted, not even to those holding diplomatic credential for the Sanjak Of Novi Pazar. Art!
There is plentiful signage that explains queue-jumping like this is ILLEGAL and BAD and YOUR MOTHER WON'T LOVE YOU if you do it.
SLAM was then visited by two angels in human form, which is to say, a pair of Hungarian Customs officials, who were walking down the line of traffic and looking into each car. When they saw her children on the back seat, they immediately told her they'd open the second border crossing gate to expedite her passage. Probably both parents. Art!
Who heard this convo? Why, none other than the three bottomhole drivers who cut in front, all out of their cars enjoying a cigarette. It was a slow-moving queue, as I said. Once they earwigged this interaction, all three jumped back in their cars, all ready to cut in front again.
Proving quite devious, SLAM allowed them to rev up and barge in front, ending up in the mere four-car queue at Gate Two. That brace of customs officers then inspected all three bottomhole drivers' car, and -
No, they didn't wave them through, they directed them to the dedicated parking spaces before the Serbian border proper. Art!
Play stupid games, win the prize of having your vehicle, self and possessions all searched thoroughly and extensively interrogated for hours on end.
On the other hand, when SLAM got to the gate, they had a quick chat, stamped her passport, wished her safe travel and a Merry Christmas. One officer's parting words were "As a Christmas gift for your kids, I am going to keep them <the bottomholes> here for another six hours and they will have to pay a really nasty fine for their misdemeanour."
The other commented "I hope you enjoyed your stay in Hungary, ma'am."
YES SHE DID! With customer service like that how could she not?
South Canadian NTA robots staff pay attention. I have checked on teh Interwebz and Hungarians esteem politeness, good manners, punctuality and formality, all conventions which those bottomhole drivers breached*.
Old Man Conrad Is Reassured
Your Humble Scribe wouldn't know fashion if it got into his bed and bit him, which has always been the case, as I have far weightier matters to ponder on. Thus I am delighted to post a confirmation picture. Art!
You are definitely unfamiliar with this gentleman. He's Konstantin Strukov, and up until yesteryon he was one of the richest oligarchs in Mordorvia, meaning he is - or was - a multi-billionaire. Look at him in his t-shirt and jeans! gloated Conrad, sitting typing this in his t-shirt and jeans.
Ol' Kon, previously a loyal Putinpot bootlicker, was attempting to fly to Turkey when his private jet was grounded, he was arrested and the state (i.e. Putinpot) is going to seize his assets. After which all he will be able to afford are t-shirts and jeans.
He ought to consider himself lucky that he didn't accidentally fall out of a window in mid-flight, mind.
More Myth-busting A La Dan Snow
We're back to his tackling popular misconceptions of the First Unpleasantness, and I've skipped a few boring ones, so this is Number 9. Art!
Um, NO. For one thin, Belgium was relieved of Teuton occupation, which had involved slave labour, arbitrary shootings and especially towards the end, forced theft of Belgian food, thus bringing them to the brink of starvation. The Belgian Fire Brigade sounds the Last Post at the Menin Gate every evening, not because it's a hot jazz tune but because they appreciate being freed.
For the Bolsheviks, it meant that the Teuton occupation of their lands ended, too, which was great, as their military forces had been crippled by - surprise! - the Bolsheviks themselves and this was a feat they could not accomplish. Art!
Glug
For Perfidious Albion, the fruits of victory came with the scuttling of the entire Teuton High Seas Fleet at Scapa Flow, including all it's submarines. Thus, the biggest challenge to the Royal Navy in home waters vanished overnight, after Germany had spent decades and tens of millions creating it. One bets the Kaiser, exiled in Holland, variously wept and raged at this event.
Then, too, Perfidious Albion got the German colonies in Africa in one fell swoop: Cameroon, South-West Africa (now Namibia), Tangankika (now Tanzania) and Togo. Imperialism on the cheap!
Germany itself might be said to have won, since it got rid of the Hohenzollern monarchy and developed a somewhat creaky democracy - a story for another Intro.
This Sounds Like Soap Opera But Is, Regrettably, True
There's a legal case that's been proceeding in Australia for ages now, about a woman accused of deliberately poisoning family members with a dish of toxic mushrooms, which has really stirred up public interest in Oz. Did she or didn't she? has been on everyone's mind for months, and now the verdict is in. Art!
Nor are their effects diminished one whit by cooking, or freezing, or drying; a touchstone of reliability, just not in the way one would wish. Art!
DANGER WILL ROBINSON and everyone else, too
The Irony! It Burns With An Incandescent Unquenchable Fire!
These two are now at daggers drawn, with the Orange Land Whale blustering that Elong Tusk has 'gone off the rails', which kind of begs the question when he was ever on them. More seriously, the Wizard Gizzard Lizard Party are looking with dread at the upcoming mid-term elections, when Elong will plan to spend billions pushing his American First party, very probably splitting the MAGA vote.
As I keep saying these days, lay in stocks of popcorn.
* Dare I be controversial and guess they were Mordorvian tourists?
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