Where The Bodies Are Buried

NOT LITERALLY

I thought I'd better add that in first because one can never tell with the Facebook mods who are twods, as they lack both humour and common sense.  If Conrad were guilty of multiple murders - 'Bodies' plural - I can assure you I wouldn't go publicising the fact, nor where the carcasses could be exhumed.  From what I've been told, wrapping in chains under a blanket and dumping at sea or in the middle of a large body of water is the way to go.  From what I've been told.  Art!

What lies beneath, hmmm?

     Nor are we going to whang on about cemeteries, the places where you might expect bodies to reside, since that is their stock in trade, after all.

     No, I am speaking, as we so often do here at BOOJUM! metaphorically.  I did check my "Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable" which defined the phrase without explaining where it came from.  One hasty Google later, teh Interwebz are claiming that it hails from "Citizen Kane", which w

     ANYWAY the phrase means that a person or organisation is aware of very unsavoury truths that would cause a great deal of trouble were they to come to light.  Art!

Ratty Matty Gaetz!

     We've not mentioned Matty "Morals-Free" Gaetz for an age, not since he wriggled out of being charged with 35 counts of felony, although the House Ethics Committee is looking suspiciously keen about having a word or two with him.  Matt has an awful lot of skeletons in his closet, which he wishes to remain there, as doing a ten-stretch in FSP is contra-indicative to a successful career in politics.  Art!

The prison gaetz

     Whom, amongst all Ratty Matty's mates and colleagues, had the potential to do him the most harm if subpoenaed or subject to deposition?  None of the usual suspects you're thinking of.  His girlfriend.  Art!

     His fiancée, Ginger Luckey.  The rumour is that Ratty eloped with her to California to get married, because if she was put on the witness stand, he'd be not only cooked, but sliced, covered with gravy and served alongside mash and peas.  If they were ever to divorce, Conrad imagines Ginger would walk away a very, very rich woman after signing her Non-Disclosure Agreement.

     Another very recent example that may imply certain people know more than the rest of us is that of United Atlantic Ventures, an 'investment vehicle' run by Andrew Litinsky and Wesley Moss.

     Never heard of them?  They helped co-found "Truth Social" alongside Agent Orange.  Art!

     Of course they fell out with The Werepumpkin, and there were suits and countersuits lodged, lots of harsh words said, with Trump probably stamping his foot.

     Well, as soon as the lock on selling TMTG shares was lifted, L & M sold their 7.5 million tranche last Thursday, retaining a token number of 100.  Thus they got a return of about $100 million.  No question of hanging around to see if the share value stabilises or increases.  It's almost as if they're expecting a catastrophe .....

     Now to the meat of the matter, another tale of Revenge from Youtube's Reddit stories, this one concerning a business owner who was hot stuff with steel products and very little else, a young female graduate of Business Administration and Book-keeping, and the inevitable Bottomhole Boss.  There's always one, isn't there?  Art!

     ABOWWHSWSPAVLE - hereafter AE - was on-site at a factory expansion when he witnessed said BA&BK being verbally harassed by the BHB.  Later, BHB confided to AE that he had to keep BA&BK downtrodden or she'd expect a raise and benefits, horrendous things like that, and she couldn't afford to lose the job as she was a single mother.  By that point in the conversation he was probably tweaking the ends of his moustache, as the unfortunate lass had been there for 5 years, and knew BHB would fatally torpedo any reference request from other potential employers.

     Bear that in mind: 5 years.  Long enough to know EVERYTHING about BHB's business and practices.  Art!

     Long story short, AE poached her.  She immediately untangled his business's tax records and was silver-tongued enough to fend off IRS fines, which takes a high degree of skill all in itself.  No, WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MIND, AE was already engaged and married a different lady.

     BA&BK was not merely supremely competent, she also dobbed in her BHB, by subtly dropping information to state tax inspectors, federal auditors and labour relations investigators when they came to inspect AE's business.  She had, after all, 5 years experience of all BHB's shady dealings.  Art!

     Within 6 months of her departure, BHB was in trouble at the state and federal level for breaches of regulations, was being investigated for issues with how he paid his employees, and had the IRS bulldogs breathing down his next about numerous tax scams.  A year later he had been forced to sell the business and leave town.

     That's what happens when you know where the bodies are buried.

They Need To Breed

The maggot-folk of Modern-day Mordor, that is.  This item concerns the second thing that keeps Bloaty Gas Tout awake at night, after the fears of being dangled by the neck from a lamp-post by a seething mob: Ruffian demographics.  Art!

     This is what passes for a pyramid in Ruffia.  Their Pyramints are probably shaped like a Wagon Wheel.

     ANYWAY, according to official figures from the Ruffian Higher School Of Economics, almost a third (30.6%) of Ruffians refuse to have children, citing emotional stress, the war, poverty and politics.  

     Bad news for the Little Tsar, because you need serfs and soldiers to prop up your ailing dictatorship.  This is why there have been initiatives to have Ruffian girls get pregnant as soon as possible as often as possible, with honours and awards showered upon women having 10 children.  Being 'child-free' is now being looked upon as deliberately sabotaging the Ruffian nation.  Conrad confidently expects all methods of contraception in Modern-day Mordor to increase in price by 500%.   You read it here first.

Our Journey With Bernie

Continues, this time with the FPG trading card #17 from his "Master Of The Macabre" set as of 1993: 'Taproot'.  Art!

     It's unclear whether this tap root is growing into him or out of him, but I don't think Mister Redshirt is long for this world.  If only he'd worn a different-coloured shirt*.  You cannot deny that this is a definite departure from all the previous zombie pictures.

The Spirit Is Willing And Also Still In The Bottle

Today marks the first day of Conrad being Sober In October, and do you know, I think I might go for a dry November, too.  Which is cause enough for me to drag out that picture of The Haul again.  Art!

     There's the rub; I consume gallons of tea when it's a dry month, so we can all be truly thankful that I got another six packets of Loose-Leaf Darjeeling from Sainsbo's.

Someone Has Blundered

With a by-line like this, you can guarantee that Conrad would be interested, and indeed he was.  Art!

     They then provide 10 illustrations BUT DON'T CREDIT THEM PROPERLY.  It looks as if a generic AI has described each photo, instead of actually, you know, giving the film's name.  Art!

     Conrad is pretty sure the top photograph is from "Das Boot", which you might have been able to guess.  The bottom one?  Ah, that's "Idi I Smotri", which is Ruffian for "Come And See".

     "Daily Express", your sub-editor needs a good thrashing!

Finally -

It has stopped raining!  Thankfully, I was beginning to fear that gills were going to be needed in the near future to venture beyond The Mansion's doorstep.  British autumnal rains are merely miserable and discommoding, rather than being exciting and dangerous <sigh>.

*  Nod to 'Starry Trex' there.  With the exception of Scotty.