Or, Snow
It's getting towards that time of year here in the Allotment of Eden when people cast wistful eyes at the skies and start wishing for snow. A white Christmas and all that. Personally Conrad is not that enthused about it, because The Mansion sits atop a range of hills that themselves sit upon a range of hills, meaning when it snows we really catch it. After two days it gets compacted to ice that remains for a fortnight. Art!
One for the ladies
Well, let us now jet from dank, dismal, dreary Royton to the Italo-Austrian border in the district of Udine, where the Julian Alps are proper mountains and no mistake, reaching heights of over two miles. There was a measurement in metric that I'm not going to bother with.
Yes, this is once again tangentially about the First Unpleasantness in Italy, with the focus more on the Romans than Perfidious Albion. First of all, I would like you to meet "Andraz Egart" of that very same Youtube channel, intrepid mountain hiker. Art!
This is the terrain, bestrewn with snow, that Andraz traversed in his car, until the slush and gradient meant he had to venture forth on foot. Ol' Andy is quite slight for a hiking buff, rather that the bulging steroid-driven muscle mountain you might expect. Art!
Here he switches into layers of Goretex and a stout pair of boots, since he has to follow a hillside track covered with snow, whilst walking into the middle of a snowstorm.
This vlog was filmed on 17/10/2024, giving you an idea of what the Roman troops up on the mountainsides were enduring 109 years ago. Art!
In 1915 this track would have been trodden flat into muddy slush by a constant traffic of men and mules going up and down. Ol' Andy has to make do solo, with nobody to help or provide succour as the shades of night descend, as do snowflakes. Lot of 'em. Art!
No trick of the light here, yes he really is up to his chest in snow, making movement difficult and exhausting despite his two snow-poles for aid. He confessed he'd not expected so much snow, or he could have brought along skis and moved much faster and more easily. Despite being a slim bloke, he's obviously made of steel cable, because he does not give up and go back. He knows what the destination is. Art!
Tah-dah!
This is formally known as the "Bivacco Battaglione Alpini Gemona" and we'll come back to the title shortly. Ol' Andy discovers that he is, entirely expectedly, the only tenant of the Bivacco, which is no surprise to us as we've not seen any other tracks in the snow. Art!
No nonsense about tinder and matches here Ol' Andy cooking up a mess of macaroni
You may think this somewhat Spartan in nature, and here and now in 2024 it may be, yet not so for the Alpini who were stationed here as a mountain garrison. Showing lights regardless, moving freely around outside, generally clattering about with no need to worry about sound carrying - they would appreciate this.
When daylight arrives, our intrepid hiker ventures outside to give a bit of a tour, or as best he can when everything is covered in three feet of snow. Art!
The hamlet you see (barely) here was constructed in the summer of 1915 by the Gemona Alpini Battalion, which means a couple of months after Italy joined the Great War on the side of the Allies and against their Austrian neighbour to the north. Not only was it shelter against Austrian shells and bombs, but also against the elements as plainly evinced here. Art!
This is a modern-day map, showing the Bivacco and others, also the international border with Austria to the north. To the east is the border with Slovenia.
I'm sure you're all sitting there sucking your teeth and complaining that Ol' Andy didn't go up in summer, when all would be revealed in it's snowless glory. Here's a couple I prepared earlier. Art?
The bivacco here is the old military chapel, restored and renovated.
Whilst on the hike down, Ol' Andy points out a solitary marker, which shows where a small military cemetery is, invisible to us and him thanks to the snow. He describes it in years of use, which immediately sounded odd to Conrad. Art!
1917? The First Unpleasantness in Italy didn't end until 1918. Then the penny dropped - this was territory the Italians lost to the Austrian offensive of Caporetto in 1917. Art!
Okay! I think that's enough of Ol' Andy's adventures in the snow. For those of you who wondered, yes his car was still where he left it the next day, even with the broken door lock that didn't function. After all, who else would be up there in the Julian Alps?
"The War Illustrated Edition 197 5th January 1945"
Yes, onto the first edition of 1945, and no, they don't cover the Battle of the Bulge, because it hadn't ended by 05/01/1945 and the editors wanted to wait and make sure who had won. I'm sure the Sinisters were pointing and laughing at the Teutons, for wasting all their manpower and equipment in a hopeless offensive in the west - amidst snows akin to those Ol' Andy was traversing on th
ANYWAY let's have the cover picture up. Art!
Ah yes, in the best British tradition of celebrating magnificent failures, here we see surviving members of the Parachute Regiment and their investiture at Buck House, sixty-seven of 'em. If you can't read the small print, it dates this event to December 6th, a whole month earlier. One guesses that it was kept in reserve as a jingoistic filler if Things Elsewhere were not going especially well, but I am cynical that way.
Paging Doctor Evil, Paging Doctor Evil
Nothing to do directly with the Kremlin Gremlin, but his repellent nation's bureaucracy has imposed a fine on Google, the parent company of Youtube, for ₽20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, or Two Undecillion rubles, which comes to a trillion, trillion, trillion rubles. Or about £47.96 at current exchange rates. This is such a silly number that one can only presume the zero key got stuck whilst they were drafting this punishment, and good luck getting so much as a kopek out of Google. Art!
"One beeelleeon dollars!"
That's five years in a gulag for Conrad, for making Dimya look like the gargoyle he is. It's just such an hideous picture of The Little Tsar that I couldn't resist saving and using it. Did he forget to put his false teeth in? Soup and porridge served with a straw coming right up!
Conrad Is Prescient
Only up to a certain point, or I'd be winning the lottery every week. No, this is about culture and cashing in. Remember when "Squid Game" was being shown for the first time on Netflix and Conrad was enthusing about it? Well, as much as I ever enthuse about anything. Art!
It was such a breakout hit that I ruefully conjectured it would soon acquire a second UN-NECESSARY season, and Hollywood would be casting it's morally and creatively bankrupt eyes upon it, acquisitively. Which is much the same as 'greedily' except we've now bumped up the word count. Art!
I hate you all. Bah!
Finally -
Today being the 31st of October, and Halloween to boot, Your Humble Scribe is now at the end of Sober For October, but fear not, Liver! For 'twill be Remember Remember No Drink In November, at least up until Saturday 30th November, when I think I may raise a snifter or ten of lemon-and-ginger flavoured gin.
Now, where are those electrically-heated gloves? because I'm wearing a cardigan out of necessity not choice.
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