That's 'Monte' With A Long '-eh'
Just so we're not confusing it with that film about a bunch of ex-factory male strippers, where going "The Full Monty" meant to totally divest oneself of garments, for the delectation of a watching audience.
Here an aside. Yes, already! There was considerable speculation about where the phrase "The Full Monty" hails from, with no definite answer at the time. Back then (an horrifying 27 years ago) they didn't have the latest edition of "Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable" to refer to. Mine has a few suggestions: from the Spanish card game 'Monte', from the three-piece Sunday suit from Montague Burton, or from Field Marshal 'Monty' Montgomery and his full English breakfast. Art!
I don't have to tell you who's who, do I?
Given that Monty was an ascetic of the first water, I strongly doubt the FEB story. A cup of black tea and a dry piece of toast sounds mor
ANYWAY we are back on the subject of a culture clash between the armed forces of Britain and Italy in the First Unpleasantness, where the M8s were also present in some force.
One of the immediate problems for the tourists-in-arms was communication, as very few British officers spoke Italian, very few Italian officers spoke English, and very few French officers spoke more than barely-passable schoolboy Italian.
Conrad is surprised the British officers didn't try communicating in Latin, which language had been beaten into every prep school pupil for centuries. Whatever. Art!
This is a colourized photo of Italian soldiers. You can tell by virtue of their Adrian 'casque' helmet, produced by France, and their khaki uniforms, as the M8s wore blue ones.
I did mention language problems, didn't I? Well, it transpired that many of the Italian rank and file had lived and worked in South Canada, long enough to become fluent in English, even if it was with an accent. Can't have everything.
WE'LL GET TO 'MONTE' SHORTLY BE PATIENT! Art?
One of the things that drove the British (less so the French) to distraction was the Italian army's clocking-off between 12:00 and 15:00 for lunch and a rest, regardless of circumstances - static in trenches, in retreat, advancing, training -
whichever. What you might call 'urbane warfare'. However - a word that inevitably crops up here - matters martial did not become unravelled because the Austrians, too, liked to sign-off from 11:30 until 13:30, emphasising the 'hungry' part of 'Austro-Hungarian'. Art!
Another cultural clash was the allocation of roads and march columns, which might sound petty and unimportant, which is because you don't have Conrad's extensive background in reading people cleverer that he is. In the First Unpleasantness when infantry battalions or regiments or brigades moved, they moved on foot, and a large formation might take up many miles of road. Were they to collide with or cross the path of another formation also on the move, things got hideously snarled up. Art!
Tommy Atkins synchronises his watches
You've probably seen this in any number of war films: the Colonel is giving instructions to his Order Group pre-dawn, he looks at his own wristwatch and tells everyone to synchronise at Oh-Five Fifty NOW. This means everyone is working to the same time, instead of being five or ten minutes ahead or behind, which can lead to disastrously staggered actions.
"Sincronizzare gli orologi?" would be the Roman's response, to puzzled looks. See second paragraph above for consequences. Art!
NOW we get to Monte Asolone. This was a mountain originally within Italian lines, which the Austrians successfully attacked and occupied. The picture above is an extremely unhelpful one from Wiki, which only states that it's "Austrian trenches on Monte Asolone". Note no indication of which way is North, nor ground scale, or a location on the mountain, nor even a date. 3/10 must try harder. Art!
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| The real thing today |
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| Monte Asolone dead centre |
Here's what was originally a four-colour map, which Naval & Military have cheapskated into a monochrome version. You can see the Monte at dead centre once again, incorporated into the Austrian line, since the Italian counter-attack had only recaptured the southern slopes.
Why all this concentration on one particular mountain? Because it was a key geographical feature that both sides needed to fully occupy in order to stand any chance of prevailing in a new offensive on the Asiago plateau. Austro-Hungarian possession of it galled the Italian Comando Supremo, who considered retiring to positions further south. Art!
This splendidly-moustachioed chap is Lt. Colonel W. William Pitt-Taylor, an enterprising staff officer with the XIV Army Corps staff, who was sent by General Plumer in late December to assess the Roman lines on the Asolone slopes. His report did not exude confidence: the Italian maps were hopelessly inaccurate; the front-line trenches were blasted from rock and thus shallow; there were no communication trenches (used to reach front-line trenches under cover); barbed wire was far too close to the parapet to protect the lines; and, again, there were far too many men in the front lines. All very depressing stuff if the Austrians chose to attack .....
We shall have to leave it on this literal cliff-hanger of a moment or there'd be no room for anything else in this Intro.
Our Journey With Berni
Continues! Let me do my due diligence and ascertain whether this card's visuals are available on teh Interwebz. Wait one.
Why yes it is. 'Night's End'. Art!
He's probably got a bald spot on top. It's not cold, you can't see his breath and there's no ice or snow visible.
ANYWAY I think there's a bit of poetic licence at work here. You can clearly see the Moon in the background, nowhere near setting, so night still has hours to run yet. As for slaking his un-natural lusts, Conrad is unsure and uncertain whether it's blood our wolfish chap has on his mind, given the young lady's attire (or lack of it).
SACK THE EDITOR!
I did think I might get through this blog without having to descend upon those two guaranteed content creators: Ruffia or the Orange Land Whale. Sadly not so. Art!
"Dailymotion"? "Dailybowelmotion" is more like it. They cannot get the capitalisation correct. "BBC's" is how it OUGHT to read, and nobody at this wretched web publication caught the error before it got launched? Bah! Art?
THIS IS HOW HIS NAME IS SPELLED!
Sheesh.
Actually I'm surprised Steve got chosen to ask the last question. Their spokesman, Dmitry Were-Bogbrush Peskov, made a crack about the BBC not being a very frequent visitor to Putin's speeches, which is horse-rosefodder. Art!
What he meant is that they don't like Steve asking questions, as he is fluent in Ruffian and thus cannot have his question or answers filtered, filleted or falsified by an official 'translator'. Art!
This is the unamused face that says 'Peskov had better stay away from windows for the next few days.' Toilets, too.
Latest Update On Mug Cake
Conrad ensured he had the requisite ingredients, having done the weekly shop on Wednesday, namely butter and blueberries, both of which are pricey. £2 for a half-pound of butter, whatever that is in hideous Metric measurements. Nor were there any cut-price non-branded versions available. No wonder the benighted citizens of Muscovy are stealing it off the shelves; in fact some supermarkets merely have a notice requiring shoppers to request a shop assistant obtain what they want from the warehouse. Art!
Yes, we do this in Perfidious Albion, just for hard liquor that costs upwards of £15 per bottle. Not for eggs or butter, as if i
ANYWAY the Blueberry Mug Cake. Art!
It proved a little reluctant to get out of the mug, possibly because I used oil to grease it instead of margarine. I shall know better next time. Not tasted yet! Which will be interesting as I substituted half the recipe's sugar for Canderel.
Finally -
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