Because There Will Be Trouble If You Don't
Never annoy a man who is in possession of a Remote Nuclear Detonator.
Changing subjects abruptly, let us now examine a quick quiz that Alex, our Team Leader, threw out on Wednesday of last week. He stated it was only a quick one, featuring various trademarks that we had to identify against the clock and without - WITHOUT - cheating via the internet. Which would never have occurred to Honest Conrad. Art!
This is one of the few that I got correct. It is, of course - obviously! - 'SEAT', that being the Spanish motor manufacturer. This is an example of a 'Marque', not to be confused with - Art!
A Marque is most often the logo of a motor manufacturer. It has also been, historically - Art!
A typically excellent novel from Poul, where the ground action takes place on a planet settled primarily by the French, making a refreshing change from the usual suspects. The novel is what they call a 'Fix-up', being several short stories cobbled together, one of which is <drum roll trumpet serenade> "Letters Of Marque And Reprisal". These were genuine documents issued by European governments in the age of sail, endowing civilian ships with the power to wage war against an opponent and yet not be pirates.
ANYWAY Conrad is going to go through the rest of this list of trademarks and trademarques, because he did very badly overall. Art!
MacDonalds, of course. The symbol of South Canadian supremacy across the globe when it comes to fast artificial food-substitute, or something. I think my last time inside one of them was perhaps four years ago, when I was waiting for an interview at the Jobcentre. Hmmm perhaps more like seven years ago. Art!
I had a vague sense that this was to do with the internet and social media, and so guessed at Tik Tok, which I have never used and never intend to use. Just to be clear.
It turned out to be Instagram, which once again I have never used and never intend to use. If it can't boost the profile of BOOJUM! quickly and easily then we need never cross paths. Art!
Thanks to the pen in the background I guessed at "Parker", which is a bit daft as their logo incorporates an arrow and here we are completely fletchless.
No, this was "BIC", whom manufacture ballpoint pens and cigarette lighters, neither of which Conrad uses, hence my unfamiliarity with their marque. Art!
This, in retrospect, is so obviously Raggedy Anne that I don't know how anyone overlooked her identity, except that it turns out to be 'Wendys', and I have no idea what captain Wend sells, except maybe a few Sorbs. Art!
You might inagine this is the South Canadian Air Force, or the Ruffian Strategic Hospital-Bombing Force but No! It is the marque for Motorola, which I managed to recognise. Heaven only knows what they make or distribute. Petrol-powered generating plant? Art!
This one, as I immediately realised, is Kodak, who are still around despite being associated with cameras utilising physical film, which is soooooo last century, dahling. Perhaps they have a side gig in digital media. Who knows, and, indeed, cares? Art!
The answer is "Lacoste", which seems to be a brand of sportswear, although I can't swear to that as I don't have any nor do I intend to. WHY on earth do they have a crocodilian as a logo, that's what I want to know!
I think that's enough of marques for one Intro. If you are good, and even if you are bad, we may return here.
Look Before You Sprung
'Sprung' being the Teuton for 'Leap' as in to make a large bound forward, as with Scooter and 'Jumping All Over The World'. Art!
You can probably guess the punchline here, thanks to the cover tagline being in Teuton. Yes, this is a Teuton DVD, with the whole of the blurb on the back of the case being in Teuton, which I never bothered to check out, assuming - that dangerous word! - it was all English.
Fortunately for me, there is an option in the 'Sprach-whatever' menu that allows it to be played in English. Phew! Otherwise that might be as much as £0.33 wasted.
Hello, My Glovely
Yes, Conrad is still plodding through "Farewell, My Lovely" and is almost at the 50% mark, thank you for asking. Pretty obviously there is some argot and Chandlerisms that do not land well in 21st Century United Kingdomish, which I now append, that you may be forewarned if you try this novel yourself.
"THE PURPLE GANG": Well, we're not much further forward, as the novel is set in California, and the 'Purple Gang's mentioned on teh Interwebz are from the South Canadian East Coast. Perhaps a generic criminal ambience? Art!
Purple deep
"COLT SUPER MATCH 38": This is Philip Marlowe's piece of choice, which he actually bothers to wear when anticipating trouble. Art!
Ah, I see. One of the .45 series of semi-automatic pistols. If you shoot someone with one of these, they will co-operatively lie down and die, because getting hit with one or two bullets from this gun is about number #1,537 on your list of Things To Enjoy.
"CARRIE NATION'S BONNET": Used as in the sense of being extremely dark and sunless. Art!
This is Carrie. She was one of those singular ladies in South Canada who deemed that alcohol, not money, was the root of all evil, and she was going to hatchet it out of existence, well before Prohibition came into force. I would judge her to be dark all over, not merely her hat.
Before you ask, I think the hatchet was for smashing in barrels of liquor, not the heads of drinkers.
"City In The Sky"
People who have lived for generations aboard a weatherless environment are only now discovering about things like sunburn or wind.
Alex and Terry were in the forefront of all
this organized activity, both having experience of being aboard the Arc and
Downstairs. They pointed and directed people, helped to fill wagons,
pointed out what was delicate or sterile. Ace bounced around
enthusiastically, hindering just as much as she helped, but tolerated for her
sheer exuberance and delight.
That stoney-faced American soldier, Kirwin, took
charge of the bodies: forty seven dead, most killed when the internal strut
broke apart and collapsed. A series of graves were dug for them, another
novelty for a population who had recycled everything aboard their orbital
arcology.
The one person absent was the Doctor. His
presence, or lack of it, was noted by many people.
‘This,’ said the Doctor, sweeping a hand from one side of the horizon to the other as if he owned the place, ‘Is the Kalahari Desert.’
It looked like a traditional desert: endless
sweeping dunes of red sand in all directions. No trees, no plants, no
animals or insects. In fact there were animals, insects too, if you knew
where to look, and when.
‘Looks nice. Hot and dry,’ commented
Orskan. Feeling his metabolism begin to falter, he gulped another jelly
baby, one of the bagful he’d been given by the Doctor.
Well, there you have it, redemption amongst the evillllllll alien Lithoi. Who would have ever thought of jelly babies as being vital to a metabolism?
Being As Perverse As Ever
There have been a couple of rather large events taking place in the real world, that we here at BOOJUM! will completely ignore, because that's how we roll here.
If you want proper news coverage, go try the BBC. Avoid Laura Kaenssberg, she's a bit of a twod.
ANYWAY here's a picture of a camouflaged camera that the orcs discovered was spying on them in Kherson. Art!
Conrad, of course - O so obviously! - couldn't resist commenting, and here we go -
The GRU wants to know if they're getting value for money. OR - The FSB is spying on the GRU. OR - The SBU is spying on the FSB spying on the GRU. OR - MI6 <continues into madness>a
We may have to provide a Glossary to help you understand this scrivel.
This has been a Pubic Information Announcement.
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