NO! Not That Doctor, This Doctor -
Theodore Geisel. I admit I'm cheating here, I omitted his middle name, which would have given the game away immediately, as he wrote under the pen-name 'Doctor Seuss'. He was a pretty bright character who went to Oxford University, intending to graduate in Philosophy, until his then-girlfriend persuaded him to go into art as a career. Art!
We'll get back to this, honest
Rather than starving in a garrett, Seuss went on to become one of the best-known and most successful authors of children's books, ever, selling 600 million of them. Small Conrad even had a couple of them; I wasn't wild about the storylines but the bonkers artwork with wild landscapes was a winner.
And so to the work illustrated above. It's been at least fifty-five years since I last read it, so the details are a bit hazy for which I hope you'll forgive me. You don't have to, I'm horrid like that. Art!
This is the nameless hero, whom hails from the Valley of Vung. Until the day in question, their life had been free from troubles, until they tripped over a rock. Then the aggressive and hostile wildlife started attacking. I've had days like that.
ANYWAY a chap on a passing uniwheel camel-cart suggest Our Hero tag along to the city of Solla Sollew, where they have no troubles at all. He immediately qualifies this with ' - or very few', which causes Conrad to cynically cock an eyebrow, since who is judging trouble-rates and how? Art!
Of course - obviously! - OH has to endure frightful hazards and tribulations en route to Solla Sollew, because even in children's books you have to have a sense of dramatic tension and struggle against the odds. Eventually, after a very long journey, OH reaches Solla Sollew. Art!
Ducks, geese or swans? Only you can tell!
There is, inevitably as sunset, a fly in the ointment. You see, in an epic design fail, there is only one door into the city of Solla Sollew -
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! What about fire and emergency access regulations? How can you evacuate the populace in case of an event such as earthquake or hurricane? The Health & Safety Executive want a word with whoever signed off on this city's design!
- which is locked. Not only is it locked - Art!
This piker has taken up residence in the lock and won't permit any entry.
Let us now abruptly change tack and focus instead on Facebook, because everyone likes a laugh at their expense.
You see, in October 2021, FB had an IT problem that took Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp offline. The reason was fabulously boring; all you need to know is that it cut off FB from teh Interwebz. Art!
To fix the problem, the FB IT trouble-shooters needed access to the relevant servers, which were housed in FB HQ. This is situated in Menlo, California, South Canada. Art!
Not shy
Here is where we come across the "I Had Trouble Getting To Solla Sollew" issue, because FB ran all it's systems and utilities on the FB internal software architecture. Thus, the IT technicians couldn't get access to the building because their ID cards didn't work, thanks to FB not working.
Essentially, their key was broken off in the lock.
There's no resolution in the story that I picked this up from, but one can expect the doors to have been jemmied or otherwise jacked open to allow access, with such physical action required all the way to the server room, and NO use of the lifts either, just in case. One would imagine either a separate emergency access portal being built that did not require FB to recognise ID cards, or an emergency system over-ride that allowed doors to be opened if presented with a special limited-issue ID card. Art!
There is an industry phrase for being this confident about using your own products and software: "Eating your own dogfood". Conrad, knowing that dogs will eat anything that fits into their gaping maws, including the contents of the cat's litter tray, is not overly impressed. Art!
Give yourself fifty brownie points if you thought this was going to be mentioned in a riff on the title.
I'm sure some of you are curious, so here's the resolution OH came to. Art!
Traffic Graphic
Conrad has, for the past couple of months, been doing a lot of posting on Twitter, usually snarky, pithy or sly puns on other people's Tweets. This has coincided with a very significant uptick in traffic on my blog, which is quite understandable; people read or Follow and end up clicking on the daily links I post.
However - second use today - I am beginning to wonder. Art!
Perhaps - perhaps this middle-aged curmudgeon with his own argot and jaundiced weltanschaung is actually that popular?
Nah.
A Blast From The Past
Conrad was recently binning a load of old work A4 papers that I'd got daily traffic stats on, alongside various notes of surgery addresses, home post codes and other guff that will never see the light of day. Data Protection, you see.
I also found 'Bernie Wrightson' scribbled on a page. This is what I do when working and an idea for blog content hits the brain; write it down on my work notebook.
We've featured one or two of Bernie's artworks in the past. He is a master of inked detail, as I shall shortly prove. Art!
I can't find any attribution to this picture, although given the size and detail, is may be from his "Frankenstein" graphic novel, because this level of detail is impossible for a comic to sustain given time and publishing demands. If you take 14 days to complete a single panel - there's the exit door. Art!
Be advised we will be returning to Ol' Bernie.
Someone Is Having A Bad Hair Day
We have mentioned Elvira Nabuillina in the past. She is the head of the Ruffian Central Bank, and to give the lady credit, she tried to resign on day one of the Special Idiotic Operation. Having your life or family threatened by The Little Tsar got her back on track; this only gets you so far. Art!
No, she doesn't look happy. Under her aegis, the Ruffian interest rate was raised on Friday to 18% in order to try and get inflation under control. She also stated that there is no more excess labour or production capacity left in the system any longer.
The FSB recently murdered an 82-year old woman, who was an economist, for no obvious reason except, perhaps, to demonstrate to Elvira what her future looks like. O I beg your pardon - she 'fell out of a window'.
Is This A Plot Hole?
Hopefully this isn't giving too much of the plot away. Yes, it concerns "The Long Goodbye". Philip Marlowe, through A Convenient Literary Convention, had gotten hold of the names and addresses of three doctors whose last name begins with "V".
He goes and has a chat with each of them, seeing if they might be treating a patient he's been hired to look for. Art!
Hmmmm. What about doctor-patient confidentiality? If they were in possession of said patient, they'd deny it. If they didn't have him on the premises they'd still deny it. None of the three have so far mentioned doctor-patient confidentiality, which is an issue Conrad deals with on a daily basis.
Finally -
Weather, thou treacherous jade! Conrad walked into Lesser Sodom this afternoon, wearing a coat because it had started spitting when I set out. The spitting continued for a short while, then absented itself, leaving me sweating under a coat so much I would have been drier not wearing it. NOW - now the skies are clearing and there is blue and sunshine.
Bah!
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