Mine!

 A Tad Ambiguous, I Admit

But you can only ever expect tangents and diversions from BOOJUM! as a straight line is the most boring of journeys.  So, what does today's title mean?

     Firstly, though - Art!

     This is the prompt "Challenger Tank" with the 'Cute Animal' skin.  Don't ask me, ask the AI.  Is that a mouth or a head?  Don't ask me, ask the AI.

     ANYWAY you may be expecting a treatise on siege warfare, where mines were used to undercut fortifications, or the First Unpleasantness, where mines were used to blow craters in enemy lines.  Art!

     This unlovely spot is the Hohenzollern Redoubt, one of the very worst places on the entire Western Front, where numerous mines were blown by both sides in attempts to breach or counter-breach the lines.  Art!

     Going backwards in time - straight journeys the most boring, remember - this is Phillip II of Macedonia (father of Alexander Meglos) who recognised the importance of siege warfare in the classical world, and whose army had a mobile siege train staffed with specialist engineers.  In those times it was a convention that, if fifty yards of your curtain wall was undermined, you were done for and had better plead for terms.  Ol' Phil, being a craft beggar, on occasion had soil dumped to give the impression of fifty yards of curtain wall being undermined, and so forced a surrender.

     None of which has anything to do with "Mackenna's Gold", which we are getting right back into, because I have detailed files.  Art!

     This is "Shaking Rock" according to Prairie Dog's map, and as you can see it is entirely static and stable.  No evidence of scree at the base to indicate it has ever shaken in any fashion whatsoever.  Art!

     This is the secret passage to the hidden canyon, which has remained secret and hidden for generations.  Untouched by human hand, true, but considerable touching by human feet.  CONTINUITY YOU ARE SACKED did nobody have a rake to hand?  Art!

     On the entire journey there Mackenna has been the spectre at the feast, telling everyone that there wasn't any gold.  Oooops.  Guess you feel a little foolish now, Marshall?

     Of course - obviously! - there is an orgiastic indulgence with the gold present, until Mackenna drags Inga off to one side, warning that they're going to get killed.  Does he sneak off and get to the horses?  NO! because that would be sensible.  Instead he and she climb up the canyon wall's carved steps to a refuge halfway up.  Art!

     When Colorado, sole survivor of the three remaining villains, spots them, why what does he do but head off after them, up the canyon wall.  Equipped only with a hatchet.  What, have guns suddenly gone out of fashion?  Despite being five minutes behind them, Colorado displays considerable mountaineering ability and agility and is right behind them.  Art!

     Notice how he's COMPLETELY DEFENCELESS OUT IN THE OPEN, with no cover and having to use both hands to climb.  What does Mackenna have available as a weapon?  He didn't think to pick up a gun or knife, so what can he possibly use - Art!

    Stone bricks, and lots of them.  We even see them fall down when the 'earthquake' takes place.  If even one of them, dropped with evil intent, hit Ol' Colly, then he'd be pitched out into space and a long drop to earth.

     I mentioned earthquake in quotes, because it's a local upheaval caused when a genuine shaking rock stops shaking and does it's own long drop to earth.  Art!

Before

After

     This causes - well, a bit of quaking to begin with.  Just long enough for the whooping, hollering Apache warband to scuttle away and for Ol' Colly, Inga and Mackenna to gallop out of the hidden canyon as it collapses behind them.  Art!

     Conrad isn't about to apologise for taking this long to get to the point.  

     So, the hidden Canyon Of Gold has been completely filled in by collapsing rock, right?  The end, our trio of survivors ride off into the sunset and Mackenna has, unbenknownst to him, a bagful of gold on the horse he's riding.  Art!

     Conrad, being the cynic he is, can create a "Mackenna's Gold 2" for you here.  Ol' Macky cashes in a lot of the gold for money, yet retains a great big chunk of it, so he can attract investors.

     Investors for what? you might ask.

     A mine.  We don't have any particular date for the events here unfolded, so let me guess and say 1875, as dynamite was invented then.  Mackenna knows the location of the no-longer hidden canyon and the rough location of the gigantic gold seam.  All (!) that needs to be done is to drive a vertical or horizontal shaft down to the seam and you're quids in.  The amount mined would need to be kept small, otherwise the price would tank.  Art!

     Given the distance from civilisation, and the Apaches, any such mining project would need to be well supplied and armed.  Still feasible.  After all, they wouldn't be drilling or blasting through homogenous rock, merely a giant pile of boulders.  Employee theft might be a problem, as human greed knows no limits.

     There you go, I can do you a treatment for £15,000.

Conrad Is Curious

And a curmudgeon.  Can't forget that. 

     Okay, so you ought to be aware by now of my occasional purchase of canned or bottled beer, not for the flavour or alcohol content, rather for the label design, and I picked up a sterling example yesteryon at Sainsbo's.  Art!

     Not really selling it well, are they?  On closer examination the label is even weirder.  Art!

     Tentacles and spiders?  I've no idea how this will taste.  If it doesn't crawl out of the can and attack me I'd call that a plus.

Fit To Be Bit

It took ages to charge up my new Fit Bit, and then update it with the app, and I still need to cancel the e-mail notifications.  Art!

     The expired model would need re-charging by now, instead of being at 86%.  That step total is because I walked Edna this morning, whilst it was still sunny, which obviously meant encountering lots of other dog walkers who had a similar idea.

     And yes, I have hairy arms.

"City In The Sky"

Our favouritest Gallifreyan and his captive audience dingo are getting along famously.

At that the wild dog bared it’s teeth.  Only until it witnessed the sonic screwdriver –

     ‘There?  Over there?  Nor-nor-west? Eighteen degrees from magnetic north?’

     Finally the animal slunk behind the Doctor’s legs, rubbing against him, which seemed to be dingo-lingo for “right on the money”.

     ‘Hmm.  But no concept of distance, eh?’

    

     Unpredictably, the wild dog kept station with him for the entire journey across the rolling plains, even if it did keep well behind and frequently ducked into cover.  The shades of evening were beginning to empurple the shadows by the time he got close enough to the Lithoi’s base to view it through his trusty telescope.

     His low whistle startled both of them.  It was the only sound present, apart from a gentle murmur from the winds at dusk.  No birdsong, no insects, no passing wild animals.  And the reason for such an acoustically bland environment?  That reason stood beyond them, a hundred metres tall on the plains.

     Imagine a slate-grey mushroom one hundred metres tall, one hundred metres wide, composed of a ceramic composite resistant to any flora’s attempt to populate it.  Imagine that same mushroom concealed by a diaphanous veil that covered almost twice the original surface area, pegged out on the plains.

     "Empurple"!  Who does this poseur think he is, a poet?

Finally -

Conrad's worst fears have been realised.  I think First Bus and Stagecoach have merged into one single unholy organism that now calls itself "Skynet" "Bee Network", with a new bright yellow livery for their buses and new signage at bus stops.  Can they deliver reliability? is the £53,825 question (adjusted for inflation) and I shall withhold judgement on that.

Laterz!