Yes! More Of Money Misery!
Orc! Orc! Orc! as Ruffian Chef would say. Just to clarify, unless you see the phrase "Ol' Tolky" in the blog, rest assured we're talking about Ruffia when the word "Mordor" is trotted out. Although Putinpot would gladly sacrifice 143 million of his state's population to have Sauron's abilities.
Witness the imagination and creativity of Conrad at work - you see today's title? Well, those initials also stand for "Gross Domestic Product", which is one way to measure the economic well-being (or otherwise) of a state. Art!
Nothing to do with the Intro, I just wanted to bring this novel to your attention, as it wasn't in the library yesteryon and it would cost £4 to purchase from Abebooks, £2.50 of which is post and packaging, which is a rip-off if you ask me, and even if you don't.
ANYWAY thanks to Konstantin of "Inside Russia" for his keen ex-accountant gaze as cast over Ruffia's GDP for the past two years since the Special Idiotic Operation began. Art!
Rather than go by anecdote or personal experience, Big K. went with official Ruffian data and Peter The Average's speeches. His first point was that not hitting Ruffia with fuel export sanctions for nine months allowed Putinpot to accumulate a windfall that helped sustain the economy through 2022 and 2023.
G.D.P.: Bloaty Gas Tout boasted that this increased in 2023 by 3.63%, which might surprise you, or not, as you can tell when he's lying because his lips are moving. Big K. pointed out that unwelcome or just plain bad economic data is published in obscure outlets such as the "Omsk Intelligencer And Advertiser" (circulation 1,227). This allows the state to crow that they didn't censor or ban the news, and it's your own fault you didn't buy a copy, there aren't any back issues and it was three months ago. Art!
Konstantin then looked at the official Rosstat figures for GDP and found that their totals were rather different.
4.4% increase in savings and reserves
2.9% increase in consumer demand Total = 7.9%
0.6% increase in military production
Why only claim 3.63%? because Puffy Petroleum Pimp would surely like to gloast about a figure twice the size of his boasting. Read on, pilgrims, read on.
Exports: Well, this is where the bad news comes in. Ruffian exports fell by 34% in 2023, which amounts to a decrease in GDP by 4.4%. Ooops. Big K gave two examples of this. Prior to the SIO, Ruffia was an exporter of aluminium, but has dropped out of the market completely and it's position as supplier has been taken over by other countries. Then there's - an abbreviation for "there was" - enriched uranium. Again, Ruffian exports are now nil, and their market position has been usurped by Kazakhstan. Art!
"Savings And Reserves": Put in quotes as - you may be ahead of me here - this really means stockpiled stores of goods and materials in anticipation of further sanctions. Whilst this may be sound near-future planning, it also harks back to the disastrous state of the Ruffian economy in the Nineties.
Military "Investment": Under Putin's watch, the production of military equipment is classed as an investment, hence the quote marks. Thus the production of tanks, planes and warships accounts for 2.2% of the overall GDP growth. Joe Blogs has pointed out that this is the exact opposite of an investment, as it's single-use kit that doesn't benefit the Ruffian population one iota. Not only is this stuff not capable of being re-purposed, an enormous amount of it has already been destroyed in Ukraine - about $1.2 billion in aircraft losses this past fortnight alone. Art!
$50 million up the swanee
Unemployment: This remains at an historic low of 2.9%, which was being bruited about by the state media as a hot topic and proof of how wonderful things were in Mordor. However - my favourite word again! - that very same state media is now radio silent on the subject, which Big K, in typical cynical Russian style, reckons that something bad is about to happen or has already happened. Essentially, Ruffia has run out of workers, thanks to it's incredibly skewed demographics and the unwillingness of migrant workers to - well, be migrant.
Inflation: Again, this is not being mentioned in state media, because it's difficult to disguise rising prices as anything but bad news. Eggs, fish, chicken, carbon-fibre turbine blades - the list goes on. Food inflation has increased by 10% to 50% for some items and is even higher for finished goods. Inflation was officially announced as 'defeated' in 2023, which didn't stop the rate increasing to 12% officially, with the unofficial estimate being 20 - 30%. Art!
You have to feel a twinge of pity for the workers at the Mordor Tourist Board.
Couldn't Pull A Pint Let Alone A Crowd
Yes, we are slagging off Donald Trump again. Conrad is pretty certain nobody from MAGA will tolerate even looking at BOOJUM! let alone read it, so I can say with confidence that, were DJ Tango to pull a pint, he would wet himself. Let that stay as ambiguous as it sounds. Art!
Given how intrinsically conservative and disapproving these kind of people are, Conrad finds the venue's name to be hilarious. Art!
Well it made me laugh. I cannot find the photographs I wanted, of the rally where there were hundreds of empty chairs, which the organisers had to scurry and collect so that Bloaty Biffer Bafune Boy wouldn't be offended by his inability to fill an auditorium. Remember when this guy held rallies in sports stadia? (which he avoided paying for). Art!
The ultimate in social distancing
What's that clicking noise? O it's this -
DJ Tango, the blog content creator that keeps on and on and on.
It's not just me, either -
"The War Illustrated"
Okay, that was Issue 185, let's bring on Issue 186. Art!
The caption describes this as being in Italy. Note that the tank doesn't appear burned out, but is missing a track, so it may have hit a mine and been immobilised, in which case the crew abandoned it without setting it alight. Naughty naughty! Also note that it's merely been shunted off the road and left there; Conrad imagines that by this time - the summer of 1944 - enough had been captured and examined to not need another intact one. I wonder what they used to push it over, because that's 60 tons dead weight.
"City In The Sky"
A welcome relief from excoriation and strife, hmmm? Davros is ensconced in a very private meeting with the head of 'Washington', one of the American spheres in orbit.
This puzzled the other man, who plainly couldn’t reconcile the possible
culprits.
‘I hope you aren’t going to suggest the Australians are responsible,
Davy! They’re still at the steam engine
and horse-cart stage. They aren’t
eavesdropping on anyone.’
Looking around the pristine room, as immaculate as any operating theatre
in the Archipelago might be, Davy chewed his inner lip. This would be an intellectual leap.
‘By third party I don’t mean another human entity, Marty. I mean aliens. Real genuine aliens from outer space.’
The Veep looked surprised before bursting out in a guffaw of laughter
that quickly died when he saw how serious Haritanian was.
‘You cannot be serious!’
‘We have people working Downstairs who flushed one of these aliens out
of hiding.’
Miss Martigan’s scribbling on her electronic notepad paused and she
looked up.
‘Dunno what you’re trying to pull, Davy.
You’re familiar with Occam’s Razor surely? Aliens!’
Haritanian continued on. Whilst
‘They’ve been here on Planet Earth for decades, hiding out in the
desert. Their biggest asset has been
secrecy – we’ve never dreamed they ever existed until Doctor Smith warned
us. These things blend in by hiding
inside a human-shaped robot. They can’t
manage human behaviour very well, they end up behaving like the Wanderers. Our people in New Eucla have one of these
robots.’
Hmmmmmm I wonder, I wonder - he mentioned Doctor Smith. Will this have a dramatic repercussion?
Finally -
Once I post this it'll be time to venture into Lesser Sodom and see what's going remaindered at the Co-Op. I need cream cheese to put on bagels in order to consume that date-expired salmon! Five days past the 'Sell By' is practically nothing, am I right?
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