Do You Want Colossus?

Because THIS Is How You Get Colossus

That statement is a little imprecise, and deliberately so, because a straight line is the dullest journey between two points.

     Which 'Colossus' do I refer to?  Well, as we are wont to do here, I'll go through all the likely suspect herrings, limn them in shades of scarlet and then move on.  Art!

     Say hello to the film, made in 1961 in Italy.  It starred Rory Calhoun as the South Canadian traffic-baiter, and was helmed by <vibrato guitar effect> one Sergio Leone.  Conrad thinks he's seen the opening credits sequence, or it was the closing credits sequence, and that's it.  Art!

     There really was a Colossus of Rhodes, reputedly one of the Seven Wonders Of The Ancient World, which was created and erected to commemorate the polis' survival of a long siege and war.  It went up in 280 BC and lasted until 226 BC, when it came down again thanks to an earthquake, as the terra in Greece is considerably less firma than in more settled regions of the world.

     So, no, this isn't the Colossus of the title.  Art!

     I've never seen this glorious epic but I bet Degsy has.  In it, the brain of a man killed in a traffic accident is re-housed in a giant robotic body, so that humanity can continue to benefit from his mind.  Exactly why his brain surgeon dad had a gigantic robot mooching about the lab isn't explained, still less why they made it so scary.  Art!

     Why does it need clothes?  Why does it look like three dockers welded together?  How can it do up all those fiddly little buttons with enormous metal digits that make Conrad's unwieldy sausages look petite and dainty?

     Of course - obviously! - it goes completely hat-stand and starts to destroy New York, until it gets de-activated itself.  

     Not the Colossus I was talking about.  Art!

     This is evidence of how perfidious Perfidious Albion can be; you've all heard of Enigma, well now meet Colossus, the world's first programmable electronic computer, used by the boffins to crack the Teuton's formidable Lorenz cipher.  Second Unpleasantness timeline -

     And still not the Colossus we are concerned with.  Although, if that of New York and Bletchley Park were to have a baby, it would end up rather like - Art!

     This is the villain of the piece in "Colossus The Forbin Project", an autonomous Artificial Intelligence with control over the South Canadian nuclear arsenal, absent any human oversight or ability to intervene.

     WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.

     This.  There was a Sinister equivalent of Colossus, called "Guardian".  Colossus orders them to be connected and both systems begin to learn at an asymptotic rate.  Over time any attempts to thwart this gestalt AI or it's control of both South Canadian and Sinister strategic nuclear arsenals are defeated, usually with a nuclear explosion.  The film ends with the Colossus/Guardian hybrid saying that there will be peace - at any price: obey and live or defy and die.

     Incidentally, Herman Kahn in his "On Thermonuclear War" did mention that a 'Doomsday Device' was feasible at that time - circa Nineteen Sixty - in that an arsenal of nuclear warheads, probably salted with cobalt, could be constructed that would automatically detonate, without any human control or intervention, given a certain set of circumstances.  'Feasible' is not 'probable' because, as with Colossus, removing Hom. Sap. from the equation leads to teetering on the edge of a precipice.  Art!

     Well, Colossus is a bit of a dinosaur - the film came out in 1970 - so that above is the usual warning I din into your disbelieving ears.  Skynet is a lot more sinister than Colossus, which had an abstracted view of how to achieve peace on earth.  Skynet's aim is even simpler; exterminate Hom. Sap. and Hay Pesto! problem solved.  No more war.  This is a rather reductionist approach, similar to that employed by Judge Death -

     Which is another music from a different kitchen.

A Quart In A Pint Pot

That redoubtable Dutch bloke RG Poulussen posts an "On This Day" on Twitter, and had a remarkable clip of Horsa gliders being loaded OTD back in 1945.  Art!

     Once again, Perfidious Albion showing just how perfidious it can be.  This equipment was to be carried aboard the glider and delivered to the Teuton-held east bank of the Rhine river, behind their lines, in Operation Varsity.  The Rhine was the last major barrier for the Allies to cross en route to Berlin, and the Teutons had thoughtfully destroyed all the bridges.  Hence the glider.

     FYI, the glider was expendable and could be safely trashed completely in order to extract it's cargo.

More Of Mike's Metrics

You recall, the chap with the book list - "Top 10 Dystopian Or Post-Apocalyptic Novels", and this one is "The Time Machine" by H G Wells, which is quite a conceit, because it was written before heavier-than-air flight, radio and Skynet.  Art!

     Perhaps a tad garish, but certainly a whole lot more entertaining than the novella, where the Time Traveller is only ever called that.  Not even "Mister Tee Tee".  Conrad's advice is to read once, then ignore and only watch the films.  Yes, I have read it myself and the only thing I remember is Mister Tee Tee in his chronopede on a beach, looking at the Sun going through it's death throes with an indeterminate Something flopping about in the shallows.

"City In The Sky"

Time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted, so the Field Service Manual would have you believe.  The Doctor is putting this aphorism to the test.  Meanwhile -

INTERPOSIT FIVE

 The Lithoi were angry; their plans were slipping out of control and that meant their Contract might not be honoured.  Their last two flying eyes had been shockingly and unexpectedly destroyed in New Eucla.  Yes, the artificers could build more but that would take time.  Their sleeper agents, concealed in Transports, were being flushed out along the Australian coastline, and remorselessly killed.  It had proved essential to order them back to the base, and they’d have to walk with no flying eyes to return them.  Of all the fifty sleeper agents deployed, no more than ten or twelve might get back alive.  If they could get past the dingo packs, that is, since the feral canines seemed to have an especial grudge against the Lithoi.

     The loss of a few dozen from a crew of five hundred didn’t matter especially, their concern was over how little control the Lithoi could now exert, thanks to their secrecy being breached.

     Accordingly a panic session had been convened.  Arkan 22, the nominal head of the Lithoi mission, spoke rapidly to the others.

     ‘We have considered a cull of human survivors in the past, especially since their numbers in the Northern hemisphere began to increase.  It is imperative that we implement a cull now!’

     Miskan 54, the human expert, hissed in agreement.

The Stupid!  It Turns Into Plasma!

I have only just learned about the Dali cargo ship hitting and demolishing the Francis Scott Key Bridge, and watched a clip of the accident in progress.  A horrifying testament to the inertia of a cargo shop carrying ten thousand tons of freight, because the bridge went down as if it were made of tin and sellotape.  Art!

     That's scant seconds after the collision.  Six people from a work team filling in potholes are still missing.

     Of course - obviously! - an event like this brings the swivel-eyed loonwaffles out of the woodwork, anxious to stake their claim as having the IQ closest to room temperature.  Art!

     I can only think this bafune was dropped on his head.  Not as a child, but from a couple of years ago and he repeated the process.

     You can't fix stupid but you can point and laugh mockingly at it.

Finally -

As we should surely know by now, all our IT is powered by hamsters.  What you may not know is that all white goods are powered by gerbils.  The Mansion's gerbils are apparently taking strike action.

     Watch this space.