Penny Wise, Pound Foolish

No!  Not The Sinister Clown From "It"

Conrad read the novel decades ago and doesn't remember much about it.  I think there's an explanation in there about why the titular monster appears as a clown.  Well, if there is I've forgotten what it was.  Age and too much gin will do that to you.  Art!

One for the coulrophiliacs out there.  I know there must be some.

     I've also seen the original television series but not the new film.  There was a clip on Youtube featuring what must be one of the densest children on the planet: a clown in a sewer is inviting you in, what could possibly go wrong?  Art!

He's 'armless

     Step into my parlour said the spider to the fly, hmmmm?  

     ANYWAY of course - obviously! - none of that has to do with the rest of this Intro, which is about more money manglement, in a tale told on Quora.

     The Original Poster was one of a score of people who routinely used their own  mobile phones for business, especially him as he got calls from across the globe at all times of the day and night.  His boss and the Vice President had gone through a lengthy process to have this usage okayed and all went swimmingly for a few years.

     Enter a new Chief Financial Officer.  Like all new manglement, she was determined to make her mark.  She focussed, with laser-like intensity, upon OP's phone usage and openly admitted that she didn't like it; she felt he was cheating the company.  Art!

The instrument of evil and the digits of doom

     Thus she created an elaborate spreadsheet the mobile phone users had to fill in to get paid, whilst also getting rid of the need to have the boss and VP okay the process.  The spreadsheet was deliberately designed to be as complex as possible, to put people off.

     This did not work.  ALL the phone users filled their sheets in, costing the business at least 40 lost hours because they did it at work.  OP's average monthly bill had been $100, and this new process saved $2 per month for him, and less than $50 globally.  Never mind the $16,000 lost in filling in those forms, the CFO was convinced this was a killer success.

     Hold hard, madam.  Because then EVERY company employee with a mobile phone began to submit these forms, because there was no need to get exceptions from boss and VP, and it turned out a very large number of these people had been using their personal phones for business with no way to claim back.

    The monthly expenses bill went through the roof.  But! CFO still insists it's a success, because - well, just because - and actively boasts about it.

     This is not a good idea AT ALL because now all 10,000 employees in the business are using their mobiles thanks to the CFO's boasting about it publicly, hitting productivity thanks to the maliciously complex spreadsheet.  The monthly expenses bill went  from $1,500 to $1,000,000.  Net cost over a year was $12,000,000 with another $1,200,000 lost in productivity.  For a net saving of $18,000.

"I am amazed at my staggering success."

     Unsurprisingly, CFO jumped ship when it became obvious just how badly she'd messed up.  I wonder how she put that down on her CV?

     And that's the story behind today's title.  Truly, there is little in the world of business more dangerous than someone with a degree and an idea but without a clue.

"It's All Going According To Plan, It's All Going According To Plan!"

Thus spake Peter The Average about the Great Idiotic War.  Losing 14 generals, the 'Moskva', Snake Island and Kherson City was all part of the plan?  Your plan appears to have been created by Baldric.  Whilst drunk.

     Conrad is minded of a bleak Berliner joke in the aftermath of the Second Unpleasantness, when the Allied powers were in occupation.  It goes: on the day that the war is over, a man looking exactly like Der Fuhrer crawls out of the wreckage and makes his way over to a British army patrol.  He snaps smartly to attention and, in best Received Pronunciation says "British agent XB2701 reporting in, sir!"

     Now, I wonder if <long thoughtful silence>

Conrad Is, As Usual, Seething

Really, I don't know - you mercifully allow Codeword compilers to go on living and how do they repay you?  By pushing the envelope of what's acceptable.  Hear me out.

"ARABESQUE": How is that fair?  HOW!  My Collins Concise has it that: "Ballet; a classical position in which the dancer has one leg raised behind."  Silly Conrad!  How could I not know my ballet positions?  Art!

Tongues back in you slobbering perverts

"VIADUCT": Yes, this was in the same Codeword as AQUEDUCT, since you ask.  CC informs that it's a bridge - yes, really, I got that part - built to carry a road or railway, especially across a valley.  From the Latin <hack spit> "Via" for "Way" and "Ductus" for "Convey".  Art!

More duct for your buck

"LENITIVE":  You what?  I'd never heard of this word before, and Your Humble Scribe is widely read.  CC <pats dictionary in friendly fashion> has it as "soothing or alleviating pain or distress".  I see.  It's getting so that I need a lenitive after completing a Codeword.  Art!

"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor and Sarah are fleeing the scene of their skullduggery, masked by fire and explosions.

When Sarah sat up to look in the rear-view mirror, the most obvious aspect of the supply depot was a pillar of flame blazing thirty feet into the air, from the petrol bowser.  Later, while they were en route to the rendezvous, a colossal fireball soared into the night, the rolling boom coming to them after many seconds delay.

‘Must have set off another fire,’ said the Doctor, sombrely.

 

Twenty:  Cutting Losses

 When the sun rose over Mersa Martuba, it did so over a haze that reeked of petrol and cordite, and a supply depot disordered and in places shattered by explosions.

          Assault Leader Icono felt considerably disattisfied with the night’s events, all his complacency of yesterday vanished.  He cast suspicious glances at staff working on the consoles dismounted from his own Transport Car.  Nobody met his gaze, or seemed likely to challenge him, at least not yet.

          Over a dozen of his Warrior detachment were dead, and another half dozen injured, which meant Evisceration of course.  Another Transport Car destroyed by the first series of explosions.

          Fortunately the Repair Unit hadn’t suffered any damage, so the damaged Transport Cars could be made mobile again shortly.  The Life Signs  scanner wasn’t showing much of interest.  There had been a few fleeting traces last night, erratic and distant.

     I did warn matey not to get too cocky.  Hubris, son, hubris.

Finally -

Today's the first of my four days off, having been 'on' for the past four days.  This means my stepcount is low, for on a working day I'd be hitting 2,500 steps by now thanks to the hike down Queensway, which means either a constitutional stroll into Royton or walking Edna.  Or - this is a wildly outside-the-box idea - perhaps both?

     I think I'll listen to vlogger Joe Blogs on how Russia's economy is in the toilet first, nothing like a little early afternoon schadenfreude!