You Know, That Righteous Rancour That Courses Through My Veins
Or it would do if I had veins, or blood, instead of liquid lava and nitromethane. Long-time readers will know that Conrad's default condition is seething implacable hatred, regardless of situation because he can always find an excuse to be angry. Too hot? ANGRY! Too cold? MORE ANGRY! Too wet? ANGRIER! Too dry? ATOMIC ANGER! A stone in my shoe? DEATH TO EVERYONE!
That kind of thing.
"Okay, humour the demented old bafune," I hear you quibble. "Until he sends the Remote Nuclear Detonator in for servicing."
In this case the joke's on you, because ACME have furnished me with a back-up RND. Heh. O a sudden silence in the gallery, hmmm? Art!
ANYWAY Conrad is seething with bile at those Codeword compilers who have been trying my patience recently. Honestly, you vapourise one lot and their successors still don't understand why. I shall fill you in.
"DEXTER" was a Codeword solution. Can you credit it? Let me resort to my Collins Concise. "Of or located on the right side of the body". Yes, because everyone uses this word in everyday speech, don't they?
NO THEY DON'T! <dares anyone to object>
It did inspire me whilst I was traversing the canal towpath this morning.
"DEXTER'S LAB": Amusingly enough this cartoon came up in a discussion amongst the supposedly grown-ups in the office yesteryon, about children's cartoons. Your Humble Scribe's contribution from the other side of the workspace was "Fairly Odd-Parents". Art!
Dexter, with idiot sister in background
Dexter is your archetypal science genius and all-round nerd, who has a secret laboratory - because being out in the open would be boring - that he unsuccessfully attempts to keep his far more sociable sister Dee Dee out of.
"DEXTER": Another television series, which your children are definitely advised not to watch. Art!
Dexter, you see, is a sociopath who enjoys killing people.
But wait! The people he kills are evil criminal scum themselves, who only escaped justice thanks to corruption or a technicality. So he's a kind of Bloody Batman, if you will and no that's not swearing, because he does do away with people in gory fashion.
"SINISTER DEXTER": This was a strip in '2000AD' featuring two gun sharks who would kill anyone if the price was right. Set in the near future, the milieu was a run-down mega-city that ran across the whole of Europe, where S & D would hunt down targets and retire them with extreme prejudice. Conrad liked it; the setting was different and downbeat and who cannot fail to like two characters named after a heraldic convention? Art!
Sinister at rear, Dexter to front
There we go, I think that's enough of that particular theme. Unless anyone can come up with a list of other famous Dexters? Nope, I Googled and there's only a bunch of sportspeople Conrad has never heard of before, so they can't be that famous. I don't want to resort to the Collins Concise and all sorts of exotic words that have to do with right-hand stuff.
I'll Have Less Dreaming Quavering Aboard This Ship!
Sorry, I was confusing real life with a quote from "Forbidden Planet" (which is "Zakazana Planeta"in Polish).
I'm afraid this is another reference to the loathsome music young people like today. Yesterday we consigned the Vocoder to perdition and today it is the trend that music producers have for their electronically-filtered, digitally massaged, vocodered singers to WARBLE ALL THE DOG BUNS TIME! I wrote down in my notebook 'QUAVERING! TOO MUCH QUAVERING!" and I stand by it. Can't these people hold a note? Bill Withers is spinning in his grave at their performance, and Conrad's not even a fan. Art!
Watch out, warblers. Bill is annoyed. O go and Youtube "Lovely Day" to discover what I am ranting about.
Do You Know What An Aqueduct Is?
Of course you do, which still won't stop me from holding forth about them. The word is, of course - obviously! - derived from the Latin <hack spit> 'Aquaeductus', from the words for 'Water' and 'Convey'. Art!
Here you see water being ironically transported across a river valley, on the uppermost level, because back in antiquity they didn't have steam engines to pump piped water uphill, nor a coal industry to power the steam engines, nor advanced metallurgy to build the pump components -
ANYWAY that's not what we're focussing on here. Art!
Are they taking the Kreplach? Two solutions that are exactly the same IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE!! Yes, I used two exclamation marks because that's how angry I am. Do I duct how very annoyed I am with the Codeword compilers here? Hopefully I do. O and by the way it's "Akwedukt" in Polish.
We'll be coming back to these pikers, O yes don't you worry.
"The Sea Of Sand"
From wet to dry, as it were. The Doctor and Sarah are doing a little constructive sneaking and peeking at Mersa Martuba whilst the Doctor's explosive distraction plays out.
His caution
seemed to be redundant. The bangs,
whines and occasional much larger explosions outside drowned anything less than
extremely noisy. Still looking, he saw
nothing that resembled what Roger described – a thick wad of flimsies on a
clipboard.
‘Is this it?’
asked Sarah, lifting a uniform jacket from a wall peg and discovering the
clipboard.
‘Excellent!’
and the Doctor recovered his good spirits straight away. ‘Now, let’s conduct a little effective theft
and sabotage, shall we?’
“Theft”
involved a Bedford truck. “Sabotage” was
opening the stopcock on a petrol bowser and throwing a lit match into the
puddle resulting.
With a violent
final bang, the explosions ceased.
Devoid of the covering noise, the Doctor didn’t bother with subtlety,
driving out of the depot westwards at breakneck speed. He guessed any bio-vores in the depot would
have made themselves scarce during the explosions and that this side of Mersa
Martuba would be free from sentries.
Just to be on the safe side, he told Sarah to hide on the floor of the
cab, and hunched down himself to present as small a target as possible. He trusted to luck and the flat desert floor
and simply drove for over a minute without looking outside.
Not a driving technique that The Stig would approve of! Hmmmmmm then again maybe he would .....
Talking Of Matters Military -
I see the Ukrainians are going to be getting the Challenger 2 Main Battle Tank at some point in the near future. This will brown quite a few Ruffian tank crew's pants, as the 'Chally' is a mighty mythic metal monster. A couple have been destroyed in combat thanks to a blue-on-blue, but the Ruffian armour they went up against might as well have been made out of cake for all the good they were. Conrad proudly maintains that BOOJUM! laid the way. Art!
"Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair."
Finally -
Next time I'll take photos. Conrad purchased one of Tony's mighty mythical meaty monster Extra-Large Kebabs on Friday and I've only just finished it, so it has lasted for three days. You never know, I may purchase another one tomorrow after work; it depends on whether there's a queue or not as to how long it takes them to assemble what looks like a sleeping bag stuffed with doner meat. If I do then I'll capture it's essence in a photo and you can marvel at it.
Not that kind of Marvel!
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