Said Conrad, Shaking His Head
Okay, when I worked at Sainsbo's HR, my first manager was a chap we shall inelegantly call 'Gazza'. He was a delight to work for, even when he warned us temps that we'd be out before Christmas - that was in July. Hmmm and yet there I was five years later ...
ANYWAY he had an interesting surname which I am not going to enlighten you with, and I did one of my Pome's for his leaving, which amused and alarmed people in equal amounts - that big fat churlish cove in the corner had a way with words! Gazza had a side-gig doing voice work, kinda like Alan Tudyk in a smaller way. Art!
MINUTE'S SILENCE FOR HOBAN. TA.
That's Alan Tudyk. Not Gazza. Didn't want to confuse you.
Gazza also used to holiday in British America a lot. You don't especially need a reason, British America a.k.a. 'Canada' is an enormous country with a wonderful population that embodies all that is good about South Canada and This Sceptred Isle combined. Also they are loyal subjects of Queenie - sorry were loyal subjects of Queenie - now loyal subjects of Kingy. Don't forget, after This Sceptred Isle declared war against the Teutons last century, the Canuckistanians were mere seconds behind*.
Of late, Gazza has been vacationing in Vancouver. Art!
Vancouver, in the province of BRITISH Columbia. So as not to confuse it with the South Canadian District of Columbia, I expect. Or Columbia itself.
ANYWAY Ol' G was going on about driverless trains. I can tell what you're thinking and WRONG. Art!
You are thinking in 20th century terms, matey. It's 2023. Flying cars are just around the corner (so I've been told and "The Jetsons" never lies). Art!
This service began operating in 2016 and has a perfect operational record; the only accidents recorded are those in the maintenance depot when human drivers make a mistake. Gazza reports that they are punctual to the second.
Excuse me, but where have I heard this before?
O, that's right, when Cyberdyne automates all South Canadian bombers and flies them with an <ahem> perfect operational record. Skynet is put in charge of said bombers and the South Canadian nuclear arsenal; human beings are taken out of the decision loop. Skynet becomes self-aware and moves from being a servant to an aspiring master, and then you get Judgement Day.
Believe me, these driverless trains are the thin end of the wedge.
Also, they have detailed files
Not Quite Inexplicable
One of the fun things about paleontology is the sheer weirdness of life-forms that existed in Earth's historical record that we have fossil evidence of. I seem to remember a relatively small lizard with a disproportionally long neck that had very few bones in it, meaning it was pretty clumsy. Perhaps it snatched it's prey as they stood laughing at it?
ANYWAY I came across another Youtuber who was pontificating about the "Tully Monster", a creature I'd never heard of before. Art!
"Tullimonstrum"
Bizarre, yes. Impossible, no, because we have fossil records for this peculiar beastie. Quite where it falls in the phylae is a hotly-debated topic, with various allocations to molluscs (shellfish), arthropods (spiders), worms (squiggly slimy things) and vertebrates (bony dudes). Also 'conodonts', which I've never heard of and which sounds vaguely rude, so we won't be going there. Art!
It's also only a foot long, so not exactly a 'monster'
In The Soup
Conrad had a load of remaindered soya pieces, and a pack of spinach, and a pack of bean sprouts to either cook or chuck, so I chose to go with the 'Seoultown Kitchen' solution and make 'Simply Udon', which is a Korean soup. I halved the quantities because originally it was for four people and greedy as I am that's a bit much to inhale in a single take. Art!
The recipe adds half a hard-boiled egg, which I did. Not bad, although I did add a teaspoon of sesame oil, because I like the smell and savour that this gives to the end product. Konrad's Korean Kuisine Kontinues**!
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Doctor has been interrogating one of the alien bio-vores, who displays exactly zero empathy or remorse, which is yet another prod from the author as regards how you see the aliens. Said the author.
The Doctor landed badly, the
wind knocked out of him. Capriccio lay
over him, as protection from the bio-vore – no, that wasn’t right, the Sergente
wasn’t moving. What felt wet?
Tam cocked his tommy-gun too
late and too slow, as the bio-vore surged to it’s feet, knocking the corporal
flat with one blow of it’s brawny arm.
The alien took a single step towards the helpless Doctor before Roger
put the Bren gun to his shoulder and began to fire, bursts of three rounds, the
bullets making a hideous smacking sound when they hit home. The impact knocked the alien backwards, throwing
it against the rough wooden crates of a supply stack, then carried on knocking
it backwards until it fell bloodily to the desert sands, shot apart.
The Doctor managed to roll out
from underneath the Sergente. A long
glass dagger protruded from the Italian’s sternum, around which blood leaked
slowly.
‘Killed instantly, I’m afraid,’
said the Doctor, standing up to look at the other two of his party. ‘Pierced his heart, poor fellow.’
Another reason to hate these
alien parasites!
Hmmmm if you manage to anger the Doctor you're really not looking at a rosy future. Said the author. And I should know.
Lord Peter's Make-You-Very Crossword
Conrad seems to recall that way back in the dim and distant Seventies, there was a crossword variant in the 'Daily Express' with just this title. They, too, must have tried to solve Lord Wimsey's crossword. Or else they were just ticked off at the world. Here is the latest 'clue': "The smallest words great speakers greatness give; Here Rome propounded her alternative.(3)"
And the answer? VEL.
??? What? Is that a word or an acronym? 'Vertical Erector Launcher' NO SNIGGERING AT THE BACK would work, except you're talking about two thousand years later. Let me practice a little Google-fu -
Hmmmmm these are 'Velites' or Roman shields, courtesy a wargaming website, which makes as much sense as anything out here. Art!
She's an MA***
Finally -
As you should surely know, Conrad is off to work tomorrow until he gets home at 19:45 if he's lucky, so there MIGHT be a second links post tomorrow, if I feel up to it. I shall not be buoyed up by Tony's as they are shut on a Sunday evening, thus no gigantic kebab battles. Your Humble Scribe intends taking a torch along to guide his faltering footsteps along the <cue sinister Gerry Anderson chords> Towpath Of Doom, so we'll see how that goes.
Chin chin!
* Okay, okay, a few days behind. Spoilsport.
** Profound apologies to any Koreans reading this. "Taxi Driver" is still my favourite K-drama!
*** In Medieval Love Poetry, the sultry wench. Come on, who does not like the Secretly Hot Nerd? Or - er - is it just me?
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