Mooning

First Of All -

WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS!  We are going to revisit a theme I began earlier in the week, which was a bit of a throwaway, before I realised it had legs.  Okay, as you should surely realise, this is to do with the Moon, not what your sordid imaginations conjured up.  

     We had covered a few films already, ones dealing with the Moon as a main or major part of the plot, including "Moon 44", "Destination Moon" and "The Moon's A Balloon" "Moonraker" which is the odd one out, as it doesn't feature the Moon.  Although, come to think of it -

"Diamonds Are Forever" Moon Buggy - yours for only £500,000!

     <pause as Conrad goes to put cheese on top of the beef stew>

     You can understand why there are so many films about our satellite; we are intimately familiar with it, and have been for all human history, yet it is also incredibly remote and only twelve people have ever actually walked upon it's surface.  Art!

     Taurus-Littrow Valley, Apollo 17 excursion zone with puny human astronauts for scale.  This, of course - obviously! - looks nothing like the landscapes as portrayed by "Destination Moon" for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, DM was released in 1950, ages before Sputnik went aloft, so there were no close-up photographs of lunar terrain.  Secondly, as one astronaut explained, there are no jagged peaks or ridges or geographical features at all, because millions of years of cosmic bombardment had eroded everywhere to faded curves.

     Don't forget, celluloid lovers, one of the first films ever made featured the Moon.  Art!

"Ow."

     Now, contrast that with the landscapes depicted in "2001: A Space Odyssey", and I admit that we have jumped a fair few decades.  Once again, whose blog is it?

     Here we have an appropriately blunted lunar panorama, with the Earth a nice blue background, and the Tycho Magnetic Anomaly site in the foreground, contrasted with the inky blackness of lunar shadows.  Bear in mind that this was filmed a good four years before Apollo 11 ever made touchdown on the real thing, so the production designers and researchers did a pretty good job.

     From the serious to the sensational: "UFO", which was futurologist Gerry Anderson's move into more adult themes, because killer Martian zombies determined to bring about the apocalypse is so lightweight, don't you think*?  Art!

     Hmmmmm at least it's not tellingly unrealistic.  At least there are no exotic green-skinned alien princesses curious about human repr

     ANYWAY this is the secret S.H.A.D.O.** base on the Moon, intended to combat the eeeeevil incursions of aliens out to steal Bite-Size Shredded Wheat human bodies and organs.  As you can see, it's quite small, in keeping with the launch schedules and payload capacities of a sustained construction effort that has to be kept covert would be.  Shades of "The Falling Astronauts" there, hmmm?

     Quite unlike the whacking big Moonbase of "Space 1999"; this series was a development of a proposed Series Two of "UFO", where the action emphasis shifted from Earth to the Moon.  Art!

     There you have Moonbase Alpha -

     We've not covered oodles of films about or concerning the Moon, and my beef stew is due, so I think at this point we shall draw the curtains and move on.

Conrad's Night On The Tile

If you have been paying close attention, and you should have been FOR ONLY THUS WILL YOUR DESCENDANTS ESCAPE URANIUM MINE DUTY then you know Conrad was out and about in Manchester city centre on Saturday evening, off to an event of epic proportions.  Matt Hartless And The Maverick Seven were playing a gig to promote their album's eventual release, which had been repeatedly delayed thanks to the Spanish Beer Virus.  Art!

     Back side of the CD art is by Shelli, whom you might also know as Shello, Girl With Cello. and somewhere in that list of patrons is Conrad, under his Sunday Best name, as well as Anthony and Leigh and Marta, all of whom I have worked with in the past.  Nope, not going to point it out.

     The first problem of the night was that pints were £5 each and the bouncer, who is usually euphemised as 'Door Security', wasn't going to turn up until 19:00, so the front doors couldn't open until then, meaning Conrad bumbled round to the back entrance, where he encountered Matt.  We shook hands and Conrad, ever on the cusp of Asbergers, announced that he expected our Hartless chap to be rather bigger in real life <cringe>.  Fortunately he took it well and I strolled downstairs  backstage; in fact I needn't have bothered buying a ticket.  Art!

The naked stage

     We shall come back to this, O yes by gum Osip Mandelstum.

Bring On The Empty Hearses

It is only to be wondered that David Niven, that most urbane and erudite of film stars, did not write a memoir of his career during the Second Unpleasantness - which is a post all of it's own - because he would have incited a generation of young men to take up arms.

     This, of course - obviously! - has nothing whatsoever to do with "Tormentor", which is the meat of the matter here.

Laura’s lecture dealt with Mediaeval and Renaissance literature, featuring Chaucer and Cervantes.  Louis loathed this stuff with a vengeance and periodically poked a drawing pin into his thumb to stay awake.  The novice lecturer did fairly well – he could rate her as Satisfactory at least in her Preparation and Delivery.  Dealing with a seminar class called for different skills.

               Well, that was the real world and it’s real problems.  He got an indifferent cup  of coffee from the vending machines in the main hall before dawdling to the Science Block, for whatever the vicar had dreamt up.

               Room A3 consisted of tables, each with gas taps and plug sockets, and lots of scientific posters.  The only one familiar to Louis was the Periodic Table.  Two science staff in white lab coats were already waiting for him.

               ‘Hello?’ he asked, uncertainly.

               ‘Mister McMahon?  Reverend Sharples will be along in a minute,’ replied the woman.  ‘I’m Paula, this is Nige.’

               ‘Louis,’ he introduced himself.  ‘So what are we all here for?’

               Paula shrugged.

               ‘I don’t know.  Our vicar didn’t explain anything.  Here he is.’

               The tall and angular vicar strode up to the threesome, rubbing his hands in satisfaction.

               ‘Got a drink, Louis?  Excellent.  We need you in a good mood.  Okay, I apologise for being cagey with you all.  What I wanted to try was a scientific test of your abilities, Louis, with your permission and the co-operation of the science staff.’

               Half-expecting a request like this, Louis wasn’t too surprised.  Paula and Nige were.

               ‘What abilities does he have?’ asked Nige, looking at Louis.

               ‘Ah-ah!  No prior bias,’ interrupted the vicar.  ‘First of all, I need all parties to agree.’

               ‘Fine, I don’t mind,’ agreed Louis.

               Paula and Nige agreed, curiosity picqued by the vicar’s hinting.

               ‘Good stuff.  Thank you for agreeing to my less than transparent request.  I took the liberty of drawing up a set of things you two need to try and test for.  I can’t give you a copy until after the testing, Louis.  Sorry.’

               Before the lecturer left, the Reverend looked at both of the science staff.

               ‘The experiments need to be conducted on the basis of anonymity.  No names given in the write-up.  Personal confidence respected at all times.’

               Tactfully dismissed, Louis shook his head and headed home.  Whatever next?

What! Finally - 

We're at the Compositional Ton and then some already.  Let me inform you that the beef stew (with cheese, mustard, garlic, leek and mushroom) is very tasty indeed, and I shall be happy to dine out on it for lunch next week.  Could do with thickening, so I may work on that in the meantime.  I'll let you know.

     The gluten-free bread?  It made decent toast, especially when covered with scrambled egg and mushroom.

*  "Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons" for those who have not paid close enough attention.

**  "Supreme Headquarters Alien Defence Organisation"