Death From Above (Redux)

Conrad Looks Around Shiftily -

As I'm not entirely sure what "Redux" means, only that I've got that DVD of "Apocalypse Now Redux", which has all the bits they cut out added back in.  Recourse to the Collins Concise is needed!

     GASP!  IT'S NOT IN THERE!!*  <quivers> okay, a quick referral to teh Interwebz reveals that it means 'Brought Back', which seems fair enough.  Art!

Speak of the French, and they will appear

     Here an aside.  Yes, the French.  Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos were collectively known as French Indochina and once the Japanese had been kicked out in 1945, the French came back.  They fought a long, bloody war against the Vietminh until 1954, and those who regard the French as a bunch of pansies might want to pause and consider how they managed to hold on for nine years.

     ANYWAY that has nothing to do with what I really wanted to talk about, which is "Moonfall", the latest £100 million offering from Roland Emmerich, who appears to have stolen the mantle that once belonged to Irwin Allen: 'Master Of Disaster'.  We did touch briefly upon it when reviewing films, and the reason we're back is because Mark Kermode, a big fan of The Comsat Angels, reviewed it on his Witterlist radio show, with Simon Mayo as his comedy foil.

     Here another aside.  Yes, two in one Intro!  There have been many films that have 'Moon' in the title, including an early one from Roland: "Moon 44" which might be knocking around the Sekrit Layr.  Art!

     Don't ask me what the title means, I don't know or care.  Then we have the James Bond entry into the pseudo-Star Wars genre with - "Moonraker", or, as some fans who cordially detested Sir Roger Moore would have it, "Muckraker".  There's an early entry in the Serious Science Fiction genre, "Destination Moon", with input from Robert Heinlein.  Art!

Does that make it a Redux?

     ANYWAY Mark described how MF is the worst film he's ever seen (which is quite a claim in itself), yet he sat in the cinema with four other people, and he was enjoying it immensely because of how unredeemingly stupid it was.  Art!

Setting the scene

     Perhaps his most apposite barb is that the film's script is so bad that it must have been written by Alexa, who was given the instruction "Alexa, write me a really, really bad science fiction script," not once but five times, because Roland seems to be trying to cram that many films into his single one.

     Fifty years from now, Mystery Science Theatre 4000 will be riffing on this one, trust me.

Ah, you can't go wrong with Things Exploding, can you?

     Well now, Conrad was going to focus on Greg Brenneka's "Daily Beast" article about Death By Meteorite, this time on the rare occasions when a meteorite strike did cause death on a large scale.  Except I think we're all DFA'd out for the moment.  Perhaps tomorrow.

Conrad: Seething 'Cos He's Breathing

I made that up all by myself, can you tell?  For Lo! we've not had sufficient ranting and tanting about Codewords recently, whilst Your Humble Scribe has diligently  accumulated a sufficiency of solutions to foam at the mouth about.

"CAESURA":  No, nothing to do with Julius or Augustus or Vespasian.  That would be too easy and logical, wouldn't it?  No, it's defined in my CC <brief hurrah and handclap that it was present> as being a break in prosody, 'for sense'.

     Right.

     WHAT ARE WE ALL PROSODIC VERSISTS NOW?!

     Who but the Poet Laureate is going to use or understand one of these?  I ask you!  Art!

A Caesar.  Close enough.

"NOSOLOGY": No!  Not a misprint of "NO SOLO GUY".  Nor is it anything to do with noses, because, once again, that would be far too simple and logical, wouldn't it**?  No, once again a recourse to the CC, which advises "The branch of medicine concerned with the classification of diseases".  OH REALLY.  Tell me, nosologist, how would you classify the feelings of angered nausea I experience at these ridiculously obscure words?  I know what the cure is.

     REMOTE NUCLEAR DETONATOR!

"COL":  Sorry if you thought this was an abbreviation for 'Colonel' or 'Columbian' because it's neither.  My Collins Concise MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL COLLINS CONCISE defines this as a geographical feature, being the lowest point of a ridgeline connecting to mountain peaks.  Art!

Col Welland

    I think I'd better stop here; the world is already fifty-seven Codeword compilers better than when I began this article.  Nor do I want to get RSI in my pointy finger.  Last time it took splints and a fortnight before I could vapourise anyone.

Talking Of The Vapours

Another excursion into the lands of Conrad's wild imagination and the monsters that inhabit it.  Yes, "Tormentor" is back, like it or not.  Don't forget, no sex or swearing, just unholy terror from beyond the grave.

Whilst saying this, Louis privately tried to wonder what might have started the rumour.  It wouldn’t do at all for him to become the focus of attention in matters supernatural.

               ‘I think they’re not fond of me because I don’t indulge in beat-round-the-bush b*******.  I say what I think and I mean what I say.  One reason I will never get promotion.  Okay, let’s sort out which lecture I watch from the back.’

              

Jennifer kept a low profile over the next day, appearing at the back of the remedial class to ruffle hair as a warning not to bother the lecturer, then vanishing with a wave and smile to Louis.

               At least she’s happy!  If only my students …

               ‘That were magic,’ informed the small commentator in hoodie as he left the classroom.

               ‘Black or white, it’s surely not - ’ tried Louis.  Was the boy being sarcastic or humourous or supernaturally prescient?  Damn, this ability was going to prove wearing if he continued to obsess about who might or might not know he possessed it.

               According to schedule, he would be observing Laura next day.  So he’d need to ask Jen to keep out of sight tomorrow.  Not that it ought to be a problem, an English lecture didn’t demand spirit assistance to maintain and order.  

     Okay, musing on rumours and reputations is less than spine-chilling.  Just you wait!  For Your Information, that was the end of Page 43, and we're about to move on to Chapter 7, where Luma and Jen cross a line irrevocably.  

Real Life Imitating Art

Not our beloved Neanderthal picture propagator, just creative media in general.  Conrad discovered, whilst watching "All Of Us Are Dead", that the South Korean Army's Special Operations wing contains a '13th Special Missions Brigade', whose job is to infiltrate into Norkland in case of war, and there KILL KILL KILL any Nork politician, general or important official they can find.  Officially this policy is known as 'decapitation', which Conrad thinks is a generic overall term, yet you can't be it isn't their preferred method ...  Art!

Tender, kindly folk***

     We'll come back to this unit, there's more to be analysed about it.

Finally -

Better get downstairs and make tomorrow's lunch.  I haven't cooked up a stew on Sunday this week, so it's been cold sandwiches and dips to date.  Got a kilo of beef to make up a stew this weekend with this evening's weekly shop, just so you know.

     And with that we are done-y done done!

*  Apologies for the hysterical use of a whole two exclamation marks; you have to understand this is serious business.

**  Also, it would probably have the prefix "Rhino-"

***  Hah!  Fooled you!